Sunday, November 2, 2014

The Elephant In The Living Room

"There'a a phrase, "the elephant in the living room," which purports to describe what it's like to live with a drug addict, an alcoholic, an abuser. People outside such relationships will sometimes ask, "How could you let such a business go on for so many years? Didn't you see the elephant in the living room?" And it's so hard for anyone living in a more normal situation to understand the answer that comes closest to the truth; "I'm sorry, but it was there when I moved in. I didn't know it was an elephant; I thought it was part of the furniture." There comes an aha-moment for some folks - the lucky ones - when they suddenly recognize the difference."

-Stephen King


  1. One of the big reasons I lived with the elephant long, even after I knew it was there...conditioning! Which may explain why, for a long, time after it was gone, I actually missed the elephant and the shit-pile it created.

  2. I thought this quote would be especially powerful for ACoNs. It makes more sense for you (ACoNs) than it would for a person who makes choices that lead them to (or allow them to stay in) an abusive relationship. An ACoN is born into the room with an elephant and learns to see it as normal. It's just a part of the scenery. I thought the imagery here was great. And your experience is evidence of it's accuracy, Mulderfan.

  3. I remember those eyes watching and seeing my mother as we were growing up. The pull away of others was a normal thing. We would be home with her and it was yummy meals and clean sheets. My mother would never been able to handle a gathering of people. That kind of meeting would need a nasty comment or something disgusting or dirty. It didn't matter to us kids this was normal, and the looks of others I learned to forget about.

    And when that happened people would pull away from her and then we would go home to the yummy meals and nice clean sheets.

  4. I found this blog after researching which layer of Hell Narcissists went to. Thank you. I know one is never alone, but my own personal daemon has spent so much effort and time trying to break me and today I ended our last contact. God it hurts.

    Please, keep posting. I'll go back through the archive later on.

    1. Nick, in my experience NC is difficult in the beginning but it gets better over time. The longer you spend away from a narcissist, the more clearly you can see what they are.

      I wish you the best,


  5. Like MF, I think the conditioning is huge. For me, I was told the elephant was a puppy (or something sweet, good, and that I should LOVE. It was there, I was just seeing it "wrong"). That really messes with your mind and you begin to doubt all of your perceptions.
    This is a wonderful quote. Thanks for sharing.

    1. There has to be a real place called Hell. Otherwise, there is no justice for this type of pure evil. They will most definitely reap what they have sown. The Bible is full of teachings about these evil pieces of garbage posing as "humans". But you have to read it yourself because the so called "churches" are almost all lead by Narcs so they give a flawed and false view of the true God and a true believer. True believers are not part of these narcissistic religious cliques. I realize you are agnostic, but I think you can appreciate the following verses, all of which correspond perfectly with this blog's subject matter. I am an EScapegoat went through with my pretend family, covert Narc Queen Jezebel martyr mother, enabling alchoholic eunuch dad and GC brother, as well as extended relatives who were "roaringly silent" when I sent them a letter explaining why I had to cut contact. I am still am going through a smear campaign of a "friend" and her jello for brains minions who spread her gossip (lies) behind my back while smiling to my face. Just as you said, they will NEVER confront you to your face. (Because they know deep down inside what they are doing is W.R.O.N.G.

      "A worthless person, a wicked person, goes about with crooked speech, winks with his eyes, signals with his feet, points with his finger, with perverted heart devises evil, continually sowing discord; therefore calamity will come upon him suddenly; in a moment he will be broken beyond healing." Prov 6:12-13

      "Truth is lacking, and he who departs from evil makes himself a PREY. The Lord saw it, and it displeased him that there was no justice." Isaiah 59:15

      "Woe to the wicked--it will go badly for them, for what they have done will be done to them." Isaiah 3:11

      "The face of the LORD is against evildoers, To cut off the memory of them from the earth." Psalm 34:16

      "For there is no faithfulness in their mouth; their inward part [is] very wickedness; their throat [is] an open tomb; they flatter with their tongue." Psalm 5:9

      "Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?" Matt 7:12

      "For they sleep not, except they have done mischief; and their sleep is taken away, unless they cause someone to fall." Prov 4:16

      Men of perverse heart shall be far from me; I will have nothing to do with evil. Whoever slanders his neighbor (fellow man, relative, friend, etc) in secret, him will I put to silence; whoever has haughty eyes and a proud heart, him I will not endure.” Psalms 101:4-5

      “Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.” Titus 3:10-11

      “The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry: the face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.” Psalm 34:15-16

      "You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers, relatives, and friends, and they will put some of you to death. All men will hate you because of Me {the Truth}. But not a hair of your head will perish. By standing firm you will gain life.” Lk 21:14-19

      "Do not throw your pearls (of wisdom) to the swine. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.” Matt 7:6

      “They have greatly oppressed me from my youth, but they have not gained the victory over me. Plowmen have plowed my back and made their furrows long. But the Lord is righteous; He has cut me free from the cords of the wicked.” Psalm 129:2-4

      "Let Him rain coals on the wicked; fire and sulfur and a scorching wind shall be the portion of their cup." Psalm 11:6

      "Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me." Psalm 27:10

      "For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil." Ecc 12:14

    2. Hi Anon, thanks for sharing these verses and your thoughts. As you observed, their are lots of narcissists who use religion as a means to justify their abuses - sick, but true. I think the spirit of these quotes is that there is always a war between good/evil, right/wrong - something we all have to deal with, whether we believe in a higher power or not.

      Again, thank you for sharing.