the Truth is in the details
That is going into my little book. Thank you. Its my book I read when I'm drowning.Lately I've been practicing doing things on purpose. No mindless behaviours I'm being deliberate, cause I find it hard to make decisions without self condemnation. So this quote fits my life right now.
Hi Joan,I feel like this quote is pretty universal - if we haven't needed saving at some point, we've all at least known someone who has, right? And either way, you learn that a person who needs saving has to do most of the work. Or, you don't learn. There are a lot of people drowning out there. I suppose that's the way it always has been, and maybe always will be.As for being deliberate - I like that. I like that phrase and I like that as a way of living.
It's watching others drown that gets to me. My mother beat any instinct for self preservation out of me long ago. But she didn't destroy my compassion for the people around me.
I find it amazing that you could live through everything you did and still come out being a compassionate person. It speaks to some inner strength that not many people have. Maybe also a little stubbornness, which contrary to popular belief, is not always a bad thing. At least I never thought so.
In all things in life I just imagine what my mother would do and do the opposite.
I came to a revelation today. I was drowning in grief and shock over my mother never loving me, and today I decided to embrace life. So I'm standing up. All the good things I want to do, I am doing them from today on.
It does get overwhelming Joan. Just take baby steps and soon it will all be behind you.
Hi q, I've been reading so much, and learned so much. Now I feel like I have all the answers, lol. But little skills at doing it. I now have to try it. It feels good knowing the reasons why I was the way I was, always struggling, and a target for predators. I couldn't even hold a job, because I was expecting critisms from every corner. Even making good people uncomfortable around me because it was as if I was expecting bad behaviour from them. Its a wonder I could even get out of bed in the mornings.Now I know why. Mom used to love to make me a public spectacle, and somehow she was able to suck up some good energy from people from that saying what a good moma she was. I don't know if that makes sense. I hope so. I just want to live now. And it can be a good life if I make it that way. The hardest part of all this was accepting that mother was bad. She is evil. That I couldn't wrap my head around for the longest time. Now I have. I have to read about psycho's, that's sick. Ok, I get it now, I just want to enjoy my life from now on. So what gets overwhelming? Reading about those freaks?(it is) Or getting my life back? Thanks.
Joan, if your whole life has been about being the whipping boy (girl) for a narc you have been groomed to know little else. It makes you blood in the water for hungry sharks. For me, I attracted a wife (first) that was a carbon copy of my mother. She didn't reveal her true self until long after we were married and she had enveloped me like a cancer. I have been underemployed all my life because asking for more was just something I didn't know how to do.
I'll admit I know little else. And its also this feeling of dread that is going on and I'm not sure if I had a breakdown at some point in time. I had attracted 2 mean spiteful husbands. And friends who would use me as a mirror. But all that was before knowledge.So it helps me to make baby steps till I get there. Its not so hard. Thanks Q. But more knowledge and more reading. Trying things out.
Sorry Q, sometimes I go a little overboard. I'm just trying to feel better about myself. As I'm sure all ACON's are doing. I am grateful to the blogs, and I'm sorry what has happened in your life. You have a good heart.As a mom, I hurts to know when your children are hurting. You can only be as happy as your saddest child. That is true. It is unbearable at times to watch my children grow and I could not always give them what they needed. Something always held me back, it was because my mother is a malignant narcissist, and I'm not so sure she wasn't a psychopath, she probably was. I didn't have the skills to even parent. That part hurts the most. This is where I'm drowning.As soon as I learn a new thing from ACON's I'm phoning the kids to tell them. In case they don't know. I'm trying to put things together now.
The bad thing about being the child of one of those freaks is we go around apologizing for committing offenses that exist in our minds only. I don't want to hijack this comment thread but you haven't said anything to me you need to worry about.
Jonsi, I am glad I found your site. I live next to a narcissist and am beside myself and am ready to move. She found out yesterday that there are no noise ordinance laws in our town, she has the music so loud, I can hear it in the house with the windows closed, which she told me to do. Told the police NO, too. It's a living hell. I feel for those that have had parents like that. Must be horrid and late by the time u find out what happened with ur life. I have to look up ACON.
Hi Gilded Owl,I'm hesitant to agree with your assessment of your neighbor with the example you've cited - listening to music too loudly could be chalked up to assholeishness rather than narcissism. I try not to throw around the narcissist label willy-nilly. In the case that your neighbor is a narc, hopefully based on stronger evidence, you have my condolences. Narcissists fucking suck.FYI - ACON is an abbreviation for Adult Child of Narcissist.