Wednesday, December 18, 2013

The Truth Speaks For Itself

After radio silence from NMIL and Co. for DD's birthday, I will admit I had thought we were in the clear. But I also recognized that, while I'm generally operating from a place of rational thinking, the same can not be said of DH's FOO. Thus, I was not entirely surprised when we got a piece of mail from EFIL and L on November 25th. Nor was I surprised that the envelope had no return address and that it was just transparent enough that I could see it's contents without even having to hold it up to the light.

Maybe L thought it would come as an unpleasant shock to us to get an invitation to their three hundredth annual Christmas party since they didn't send one out to us last year.  I know they didn't actually expect us to show up or even to R.S.V.P., though it is really super funny to me to imagine what THAT might have looked like. So my analysis with this one is pretty simple:

The lack of return address on the envelope was such an obvious power play: L knew we would recognize her handwriting and had clearly envisioned us receiving the envelope but not being able to return it to sender; though I also don't think she's stupid enough to assume that we wouldn't just write the return address on the envelope ourselves and THEN return it. Which I had considered for a moment, until I realized that to do so would just be to voluntarily re-inject ourselves into playing the game by their rules and then I scrapped the idea. I'm fairly certain that when L wrote out the address, she was fully aware of precisely how it would be perceived on our end.

I'm also fairly certain, as I already mentioned above, that they didn't believe for even a second that we'd actually be attending their little shindig. There are times when I wish I could be a fly on the wall or that I was clairvoyant or something - because it really is fascinating to me to pick at this stuff a little bit. I have found myself pondering what, precisely, these people are thinking when they pull this shit out of their asses. I mean, after a year of stalking and hounding us, and then a year of complete silence, a Christmas party invitation is the best they can come up with? It's really...I mean, it's laughable. It's a total joke. And I think the fact of the matter is that their lame attempts at randomly slapping at us now and then are the great and final culmination of their anti-Jonsi war. You know, Christmas party invitation once a year equals the last dying breaths of a fish out of water.

Pathetic is what I'd call the whole thing. I remember once, sometime in 2010 I think, having a brief conversation with L in which she admitted to me that she and EFIL still sent out Christmas party invitations to all of his siblings, even though only two of his brothers ever came and the rest didn't bother to respond let alone show up. The bit of information that I tucked away in my pocket though, was the reason she cited for keeping up the tradition - she said that they continued inviting EFIL's brothers to their major events and parties because they "wanted to be the bigger people." According to my translation, which is just as significant in our case and I'm sure applies to this most recent attempt at contact, this kind of mentality speaks to EFIL and L's constant craving for having an unblemished social noteriety. Sending out their little yearly holiday invite has nothing to do with a genuine desire to communicate with us and everything to do with their annual renewal of spit-shine on their reputations.

Especially when you consider the fact that they aren't supposed to contacting us anyway. In a rational person's world-view, it would have been pretty obvious well before we sent our official letter of NC that we were no longer interested in conversing or in having a relationship any longer. And, such a rational person would have seen fit to leave us the hell alone, likely without ever requiring a point-blank statement such as the one we sent to EFIL and L in November of last year. But, as I've said, EFIL and L are not rational individuals, they don't see reason, and they are not interested in respecting us. This recent invitation is just as clear a sign as any that they are not interested in reconciling, nor are they aroused by the idea that actually respecting our needs and our space could have potentially earned them some of our time in the future. I think it's all really just a game to them at this point; one that they still hope to win even though they seem to barely spare a thought for it every once in a while.

One thing I will say is this: it truly is a relief not to have to deal with these people (or their lame annual get-togethers) any more. Because of our history with them, I can't help but feel that for as long as we had a relationship with them their stupid Christmas party would have been a point of contention every year. Unbeknownst to them I'm sure, the date of their party also happened to be the date of DS's third birthday party. Take just a second to imagine how THAT would have looked, if we were still in contact with these fuckers. All anyone has to do is see how they behaved during DD's first birthday party or in the weeks prior to DS's birth to understand precisely how they would have behaved in years to come for other of our important functions. So I'm glad - oh-so-glad - that we don't have to worry about dealing with their self-absorbed agendas anymore, or their scheming or wheeling and dealing. That's all over now.

And I can continue to tuck their nonsense away in my binder, where it will stay until any one of our children are interested in knowing our history with Daddy's FOO. The truth speaks for itself.