Sunday, October 27, 2013

Denial Of Fact

I don't know that I'll ever be able to wrap my mind completely around the level of denial and dysfunction that seems to emanate from DH's FOO. With DD's birthday just around the corner, DH and I have been pondering whether or not we'll hear from them sometime in the next couple of days, and what will be our course of action if they do. But the real reason I've taken a temporary step out of my blogging retirement at this time is to discuss something that I discovered recently that sort of peaked my interest and which should prove to make EFIL and L's potential for contact in the next couple of days even more intriguing.

A couple of years ago, I found L's public profile on her company's website and though she doesn't offer up much in the way of personal information there, she did include one small bite of material that interested me. In the profile, up until about two weeks ago, she listed the following in a single bullet point under the heading Personal Background: "I live in [Town] with my husband [EFIL] and have four grown children and 1 grandchild." That one grandchild was DD, as L didn't have any other grandchildren at the time, and I found the website sometime in the year after DD was born. That information stayed the same, even after DS was born, and after DH's step-siblings each had a child. I checked in on that website from time-to-time because I was curious about how she'd eventually update that number. Every time I checked it, I was anticipating an update with numbers that did not reflect reality because I was banking on L's petty nature shining through.  Then about two weeks ago, I read this: "I live in [Town] with my husband [EFIL] and have four grown children and four grandchildren."

L has met more grandchildren than she's accounting for and I know which ones she's left out of the equation. The manipulation of this detail both fascinates and disgusts me for a couple of reasons, the first being that L continues to claim DH as one of her "grown children" but denies the existence of two of his children; the second being that both she and DH's biological father had seen fit to include statements in their last direct correspondence to us about their "love" for those same two grandchildren whose existence they are now denying. The way I figure, she hasn't deleted DH from her tally of grown kids because it would be a hell of a lot harder for her to explain away his mysterious disappearance from her computations than it would be to accurately portray the number of grandchildren she has, only to later subtract the ones who's existence she can no longer use for leverage. Since she never updated the information about how many grandchildren she had, she didn't have to worry that someone somewhere just might question the mysterious disappearance of a couple of them. Keeping DH in there is just a way for her to save face. She can easily pretend our children don't exist because mostly, no one will notice that she left them out.

Frankly, it's disturbing to me that EFIL and L could, on the one hand, claim to care about our kids and on the other hand be so willfully ignorant of of the reality that they created. Our children exist. And they exist in a world where EFIL and L are no longer welcome because EFIL and L chose to behave like assholes. Our childrens' existence is not, however EFIL and L like to imagine, contingent upon their usefulness. And so it's like this: in EFIL&L Land, DD and DS are either real or imagined, but they can't be both. If a card comes from them in the next couple of days addressed to my daughter, I will have just one more bit of proof, supplied by L herself, that her "love" and "caring" only goes as far as the subject's ability and willingness to be a resource. If a card does not come, well Hal-ay-fucking-luyah.