Monday, August 12, 2013

An Ending

"If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth, only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair." - C.S. Lewis

Here on this blog, as in life, I have both sought the truth and told the truth and I will continue to do so in all of my endeavors. Today, just now, I came to the fantastic resolve that I would move on; that my life holds far greater things in it than dwelling on the likes of the evil people I have known and who have hurt me and those I love. That is not to say that I feel anyone in this community is wasting his or her own time by thinking about their own pasts, or the demons that hurt them; instead it is a realization that I have done the work I've needed to do and am ready to move on. I have decided that today is the day I would effectively end this particular journey and this particular blog. That is not to say that I won't ever write again, because I will continue to use this blog as a place to monitor and record any further attempts my husband's FOO makes to contact us. But I will not be writing on a regular basis anymore.

I will leave my blog open for others to read it - I feel that the truths I have shared here may yet help more wounded souls who are just beginning their journeys toward truth and self-discovery. I will also leave my blog open to comments and continue to check my email on a regular basis for those who wish to reach out to me or continue a dialog with me. And I want to thank my friends and fellow bloggers for sharing their stories with me and offering me exactly the kind of support I had hoped to find when I first came on the scene, first as an observer, then as a commentator, and eventually as a blogger.

"The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is." - Winston Churchill

I feel that my blog has been a worthwhile pursuit and the hours I have spent writing and sharing my experiences have been extremely healing for me. From day one, I felt welcomed into what I considered a community and even though our members sometimes come and go (and in a way I am now doing the same), I think there is some long-lasting bond, some camaraderie between all of us. I've always thought of us as a group of sort of ragtag misfits - we never fit in anywhere else before, but somehow we fit in here. Not to be cheesy, but there's a vein of love here, a thread that runs through each of us and ties us together. I feel for many of you as I have felt for my husband - I'm sorry you had the parents you did, I'm sorry for anyone who has ever had to deal with a narcissist, for anyone who has ever wanted a sociopath to care and realized that it would never happen, for anyone who has ever tied up his or her own self-worth in the value that some asshole assigned. I feel for you, and I'll never stop feeling for you.

DH and I have big plans and projects underway. Our family is growing and I am more confident than ever that we will survive and thrive. I was talking with my grandmother this morning and one of the topics that came up was how different my FOO is, that I've never seen another like ours, that we're lucky to be a part of it and have each other. And I hope to take the knowledge and wisdom and the love I've always had in my life and share it - with you, my dear friends and readers, with my husband, with our children, and with other souls who cross our paths. I feel I have a lot of growth still to achieve and a lot to offer to the world. I'm glad I have taken this journey. I'm glad I chose to share it.

"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." - T.S. Elliot

Thank you friends.

Love,

Jonsi

16 comments:

  1. I wish you and your family the very best and much happiness.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love to you and yours. Miss you already!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am so happy for you! May you be blessed.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Really going to miss you, Jonsi. Blessed be.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wishing you the very best of everything xxxxxxxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks so much, Jonsi. It's been great to see how someone who came from a normal family views The Crazy and very, very validating! Hope you'll stop by for a visit now and then.
    Much love to you and your family,
    TW

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you for sharing your story. Your insights have been very valuable to me. You will be missed. Best wishes to you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank you heartily for your very healing contributions!--quartz

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Jonsi, Just wanted to say that I think you have great writing skills. And really wondering how your husband saw the light. Because mine doesn't and he has an extremely abusive narcissistic mother (+ enabling father). Would your husband have any advice for mine. Well anyway my husband is either too blind or too afraid to see the scaring scarring bitter truth. Wishing you the best of luck. Count your blessings, and I bet you do ;-)!! J.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi J,

      I will ask my husband if he can write a post to answer your question. In the meantime, I'll check out your blog. The two posts I've read so far resonate with me, and I'm glad you came here to comment. I won't be writing much on my own blog anymore, but I am still trying to be a member of the community and wish to keep up with my reading. I'll add you to my blogroll so others can check your stuff out too.

      hugs,

      Jonsi

      Delete
    2. Hi Jonsi, Thanks! I've read your comments on my blog :-). Looking forward to talk more in the near future. At the moment really busy, so it may take some time. Appreciate the support. J.

      Delete
  10. Bon voyage! I have found that there are times when I need to write, times when I need to read, and times when I need to not do either. It's good that you are leaving this space here for others to read and for yourself to use if and when you need to again. Best of wishes!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am happy to see you found a place to move on because you are ready to do that. That is so awesome. Enjoy your family of choice and all the love you deserve.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thank you for reposting the article on Triangulation. I am just waking up to the reality that I was born to a psychopathic narcissist with a genius IQ who has employed her army of brothers to finish the job. I finally have a way to articulate the nightmare thanks to this explanation.

    ReplyDelete