"If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth, only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair." - C.S. Lewis
Here on this blog, as in life, I have both sought the truth and told the truth and I will continue to do so in all of my endeavors. Today, just now, I came to the fantastic resolve that I would move on; that my life holds far greater things in it than dwelling on the likes of the evil people I have known and who have hurt me and those I love. That is not to say that I feel anyone in this community is wasting his or her own time by thinking about their own pasts, or the demons that hurt them; instead it is a realization that I have done the work I've needed to do and am ready to move on. I have decided that today is the day I would effectively end this particular journey and this particular blog. That is not to say that I won't ever write again, because I will continue to use this blog as a place to monitor and record any further attempts my husband's FOO makes to contact us. But I will not be writing on a regular basis anymore.
I will leave my blog open for others to read it - I feel that the truths I have shared here may yet help more wounded souls who are just beginning their journeys toward truth and self-discovery. I will also leave my blog open to comments and continue to check my email on a regular basis for those who wish to reach out to me or continue a dialog with me. And I want to thank my friends and fellow bloggers for sharing their stories with me and offering me exactly the kind of support I had hoped to find when I first came on the scene, first as an observer, then as a commentator, and eventually as a blogger.
"The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is." - Winston Churchill
I feel that my blog has been a worthwhile pursuit and the hours I have spent writing and sharing my experiences have been extremely healing for me. From day one, I felt welcomed into what I considered a community and even though our members sometimes come and go (and in a way I am now doing the same), I think there is some long-lasting bond, some camaraderie between all of us. I've always thought of us as a group of sort of ragtag misfits - we never fit in anywhere else before, but somehow we fit in here. Not to be cheesy, but there's a vein of love here, a thread that runs through each of us and ties us together. I feel for many of you as I have felt for my husband - I'm sorry you had the parents you did, I'm sorry for anyone who has ever had to deal with a narcissist, for anyone who has ever wanted a sociopath to care and realized that it would never happen, for anyone who has ever tied up his or her own self-worth in the value that some asshole assigned. I feel for you, and I'll never stop feeling for you.
DH and I have big plans and projects underway. Our family is growing and I am more confident than ever that we will survive and thrive. I was talking with my grandmother this morning and one of the topics that came up was how different my FOO is, that I've never seen another like ours, that we're lucky to be a part of it and have each other. And I hope to take the knowledge and wisdom and the love I've always had in my life and share it - with you, my dear friends and readers, with my husband, with our children, and with other souls who cross our paths. I feel I have a lot of growth still to achieve and a lot to offer to the world. I'm glad I have taken this journey. I'm glad I chose to share it.
"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." - T.S. Elliot
Thank you friends.