Sunday, June 30, 2013

#sheisliterallydying

Ladies and gentleman, she's BAAAAAAAACK, with all the usual narcissistic and vapid drivel we could ever hope to see spewing forth from anyonething. As always, read as much as you can possibly stand. I won't blame you if you can only read a few, or if you have absolutely zero interest in reading at all. This is strictly copied for analytical purposes. If you want insight into the beast of self-hatred and shallowness, it's here in abundance:

January 1, 2013
I just got the creepiest fucking voicemail ever.......

January 3, 2013
I want a hot fudge sundae..

January 6, 2013
Did I just legit rupture my eardrums.....?!

January 6, 2013
LOVE that y'all talk behind my back...

January X, 2013
it's my birthday this fridayyy!!!

January 8, 2013
Still have a stomachache.. Good thing my ultrasound is tomorrow.

January 8, 2013
We can't all be princesses, someone has to clap when I go by.

January 9, 2013
Well that's annoying..

January 9, 2013
I'm on to you, crazy.....

January 9, 2013
Hoping to hear from the doctor today..

January 10, 2013
Well, nothing abnormal in the ultrasound. Now what?

January X, 2013
My tummy shouldn't hurt on my birthday!!!

January 12, 2013
Do I really have a sore throat right now...?

January 12, 2013
Doing my hair takes FOREVER... #firstworldproblems

January 12, 2013
Worst headache ever.....

January 13, 2013
New bsuit top! #summer #bathingsuit #bikini #leopard #longhair #girl #selfie

January 14, 2013
Going through all my clothes... This should take all day.

January 14, 2013
I wish people would just text me backkkk goshhhhhh

January 14, 2013
I'm being annoying tonight. #sorrynotsorry

January 14, 2013
This is what I do when I don't want to pack; take pictures of myself. #selfie #youresovain #girl #monogram

January 14, 2013
I win

January 14, 2013
I miss @[NSIL]

January 15, 2013
Worst stomachache everrrr

January 15, 2013
I think I'm gonna get a massage today... Pulled a muscle in my back

January 16, 2013
Okay the doctors really need to figure out what's wrong with me... #sosick #canteat  #imissrealfood

January 16, 2013
When you are warm-hearted, there is no room for anger, jealousy or insecurity.

January 16, 2013
This heartburn is getting real old...

January 17, 2013
I need new jeans. All the ones I have are too big... #woohoo

January 18, 2013
Love & hate going through old pictures.. Makes me miss people who aren't in my life anymore..

January 18, 2013
Seriously in so much pain

January 18, 2013
Hopefully the dr will find out what's wrong soon so I can stop dying.

January 18, 2013
So glad you made a huge effort to see me for my birthday.

January 19, 2013
Love when you text someone & it says they read it but they don't respond. #cool #thanks #jerk

January 19, 2013
I just got so damn tired.....

January 21, 2013
So done, I can't even.

January 21, 2013
I apologize if none of you hear from me this week. I'm quite busy moving my entire life.

January 22, 2013
i am now paranoid that i have a stalker and i'll be murdered. #sweet

January 22, 2013
this whole correcting someone's grammar over the internet is getting old. like, we get it.

January 22, 2013
sweeeeeeeet i got a job.

January 23, 2013
my mama didn't raise a victim.

January 23, 2013
i want to do anther wedding photo shoot. is that crazy? #prob #sorrynotsorry

January 23, 2013
Wow, my stomach hurts so bad... #whyamisurprised

January 24, 2013
tabs on my laptop open: facebook, pinterest, polyvore, tumblr & twitter. i'm an addict. #cantstopwontstop

January 24, 2013
Apparently all my neighbors thought I was pregnant.

January 25, 2013
I'm so not dealing with drama tonight... #nothappening

January 26, 2013
omg so annoying

January 27, 2013
Omg, psycho..

January 27, 2013
I have this weird feeling I can't get rid of...

January 27, 2013
ouch my tummy

January 28, 2013
Girl next to me at the bank is taking a selfie. lol really?

January 29, 2013
psycho.

January 30, 2013
My cranium hurts..

January 31, 2013
So sick omg

January 31, 2013
cable just went out & i'm dying on the couch...

January 31, 2013
I swear to God, if I have the flu.....

January 31, 2013
currently dying right now. #saveme

January 31, 2013
my throat is so swollen

January 31, 2013
at least it's not the flu...

January 31, 2013
Someone make me some soup please..

January 31, 2013
Wait, someone go get me JK's...

January 31, 2013
I want a cheeseburger, quesadilla, hotdog, chocolate cake from red lobster & spaghetti with meatballs. #bears #starving

January 31, 2013
I want some food but I am too lazy to get up and get some.

January 31, 2013
And teriyaki boneless wings. #omg #please

January 31, 2013
Men need to accept that women get PMS-y & deal with it. #bitchtweet

January 31, 2013
frustrated & confused

January 31, 2013
I don't even know what to think anymore.. I need to get away.

February 1, 2013
If you think I have a shopping addiction, you're probably right.

February 1, 2013
can i seriously stop getting sick? i'd really appreciate it...

February 1, 2013
just got poked on facebook by an old fling. awkward?

February 3, 2013
why are you always in my dreams

February 3, 2013
he's not the only one who has a secret to hide..

February 4, 2013
this cough is going to make me toss my cookies. #helpme

February 4, 2013
MY LUNGS ARE SO ITCHY

February 5, 2013
This is the absolute worst sinus headache I've ever had, Lord help me.

February 5, 2013
i believe in kindness. i believe in second chances. i believe in a smile & a warm hug when things are getting hard.

February 5, 2013
cool. one of the units in my complex caught on fire because of their furnis. ours isn't being checked until thursday. hope we don't burn.

February 5, 2013
cannot wait til my dr appt tomorrow. #sickofbeingsick

February 5, 2013
my heart is beating out of my chest right now, WTF....

February 5, 2013
i am going to go CRAZY if this cough doesn't get any better! i can't even breathe!

February 5, 2013
my dirty little secret

February 6, 2013
i can't even sleep because this cough is SO bad

February 6, 2013
someone save me

February 6, 2013
Ouch my everything

February 6, 2013
What up from the doctors office. I'm constantly here. Starting the year off RIGHT. #sick #selfie #eyes…

February 6, 2013
I miss not coughing.

February 8, 2013
i just got the perfect idea for revealing the gender of the baby when i'm pregnant. hahaha this is what i do when i stay up late.

February 8, 2013
lol i just pinned a bunch of baby things on pinterest.

February 8, 2013
i cannot wait to have a baby girl!!!!

February 8, 2013
guysssss i have an exciting announcement! (no, i'm not pregnant)

February 8, 2013
i'm gonna lose it.

February 8, 2013
i tweet too much

February 8, 2013
I don't really trust anyone anymore.

February 9, 2013
i wonder..

February 9, 2013
done.

February 9, 2013
Had a dream that I had a baby. It was so realistic... Weird.

February 9, 2013
They company that's supposed to be plowing out road/driveway did a SHIT-TASTIC job. So glad we're paying you... #asscocks

February 10, 2013
My back hurts so bad....

February 10, 2013
I'm gonna need a massage today..

February 10, 2013
I really need to go tanning..

February 11, 2013
should prob stop taking that medicine with codeine at night...

February 11, 2013
You are SUCH a JACKASS.

February 11, 2013
I just don't even get it.

February 11, 2013
Just remembered my dream.. Why are you still in them? Please go away.

February 11, 2013
i don't even know

February 11, 2013
you're pretty, but i still hate you.

February 11, 2013
why do i get creepy friend requests from men on facebook and we have NO friends in common. how do you find me?! #goaway

February 11, 2013
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.

February 11, 2013
i hope you're happy

February 12, 2013
my back hurts so bad

February 12, 2013
My stomach hurts so bad

February 12, 2013
I got bigger things to worry about

February 12, 2013
So glad I have such loving friends and family

February 13, 2013
i cannot get sick AGAIN.

February 13, 2013
you're nothing but a peasant.

February 13, 2013
it's sad, really.

February 13, 2013
worst headache.

February 13, 2013
Goodbye

March 1, 2013
I really don't need the attitude.

March 5, 2013
Awesome news to come!!

March 5, 2013
Very excited.

March 7, 2013
really...?

March 7, 2013
So not fair..

March 7, 2013
So it's international women's day according to google.. That means I can be a spoiled brat today, right? #Kidding

March 10, 2013
Feels like I've been hit by a truck... #ouch

March 10, 2013
Some lady just thought I was Ashley's mother... #areyoujoking

March 11, 2013
do you ever see a person you used to be friends with and you’re like “glad i got the fuck outta that one”

March 11, 2013
The selfishness of others never fails to amaze me.

March 12, 2013
It legit feels like I have a cracked bone in my foot... #wtf #ouch

March 14, 2013
YOU ARE SUCH A HYPOCRITE.

March 15, 2013
My bones are grinding...... #fuckingouch

March 15, 2013
So fucking done.

March 17, 2013
psycho.

March 17, 2013
FUCKING BULLSHITTTTTT

March 17, 2013
Fuckin over it..

March 18, 2013
I'm not going out of my way for anyone anymore.

March 18, 2013
Court...

March 19, 2013
Finally getting the X-ray....

March 19, 2013
Oops. Broken foot.

March 19, 2013
11 days later I find out it's broken. Oops!

March 20, 2013
I think the world would be a nicer place if we stopped pretending to know everything about everyone.

March 21, 2013
Also, I need to go back to the doctor. I'm gonna need that shot... :( #ouchie

March 23, 2013
Someone bring me a venti iced white chocolate mocha with soy milk please.

March 23, 2013
Fuck this and fuck youuuu!

March 24, 2013
[Pet] fell through the stairs this morning.. She's doing alright but keep her in your prayers please!!

March 24, 2013
I really don't appreciate the bitchiness.. #unnecessary

March 25, 2013
I'm about to fucking lose it.......

March 27, 2013
I am dealing with some psychos here...

March 27, 2013
Seeing my daddy tonight. Life is too short to not be with the people you love.

March 27, 2013
Anyone want to lend me $7000? I'll be your best frienddddd!!

March 28, 2013
Love my momma. #mommy #bestfriend

March 29, 2013
Just made my Alex & Ani wish list. Emailed it to my husband & mother. HA.

March 30, 2013
Car selfie. #selfie #spring #sunglasses #longhair #vw #jetta #necklace

March 30, 2013
Wow I almost just got hit by a drunk driver.. #fuckingmoron

April 1, 2013
Dealing with too many psychos. #psychoparade

April 2, 2013
I'm stronger than you think.

April 2, 2013
Lucky to have such wonderful people in my life.

April 2, 2013
Of course I can't sleep.. All I'm thinking about is that I'm going to get bad results tomorrow.

April 3, 2013
Not feeling so great...

April 4, 2013
"Will you help me eat my lunch?" - my boss. She thinks I don't eat so she makes me lunch. #lol #salad…

April 4, 2013
Sooo you text me, I text back, and no answer? #cool

April 4, 2013
Someone please bring me crab cakes..

April 5, 2013
Shit, I'm tired... I really hope I hear back from my doctor tomorrow...

April 5, 2013
Sometimes you can't get revenge and keep a clean slate.. So

April 6, 2013
It's funny that my mom is texting me while she's out at a bar and I'm in my pajamas in bed.

April 6, 2013
Wait this headache is so bad.

April 7, 2013
My allergies are awfulllll

April 7, 2013
I really should go to the eye doctor...

April 7, 2013
Oh I don't believe in getting even, but giving what you deserve.

April 7, 2013
Rest in peace, Lilly Pulitzer Rousseau.

April 7, 2013
I'm still damn tired even after my 2 hour nap.

April 7, 2013
Wait my insides hurt.

April 9, 2013
I'm so impatient. I hate waiting.

April 10, 2013
Yeahh, I don't really like you.

April 10, 2013
Realllly tempted to go on a rant right now, but I guess I'll play nice -- People are such idiots, that about sums it up.

April 11, 2013
We got two famous-ish neighbors at work.. Weird.

April 11, 2013
Oh gossip [smiley face]

April 12, 2013
I'm. Gonna. Lose it.

April 12, 2013
Ugh no one cares that you're a vegan! Stop making it the topic of conversation. #BORING #SHUTUP

April 13, 2013
Ouch my tummy

April 14, 2013
Stressed doesn't even begin to cover how I'm feeling right now...

April 14, 2013
Someone better bring me either a @Starbucks or @Robeks today...

April 15, 2013
I am so damn tired... What the fuck.

April 15, 2013
I swear to God if I get one more bloody nose.... I'm gonna lose it.

April 16, 2013
Gettin' reallllll annoyed...

April 18, 2013
The lady in front of me at Starbucks is super weird and super rude...

April 18, 2013
You're a fake as fuck

April 18, 2013
Totally posting some olddddd #TBTs today.. I'm talkin like, 7-8 years.. Haha #imold

April 18, 2013
Blood sugar is super low... #notgood

April 18, 2013
Wait I look skinny.. #work #ootd #selfie #floral #dress #bow #skinny? #longhair #spring

April 19, 2013
So. Fucking. Done. Goodbye.

April 20, 2013
What the fuckkkkk is your problem

April 20, 2013
Fucking kill me...

April 20, 2013
RT: I hate confrontation

April 20, 2013
I guess water is thicker than blood.

April 21, 2013
Looked up houses in Greenville, SC that we could afford.. It's breaking my heart... :( #wannabethere

April 22, 2013
ugh stfu.

April 25, 2013
Movin on up.

April 25, 2013
My friend Leah is in People's Magazine because she's Jessica Simpson's assistant!

April 25, 2013
Making some changes in my life..

April 25, 2013
Sick of planning parties that no one shows up to. #nomore

April 25, 2013
I love ordering things online. I hate waiting for them to arrive.

April 27, 2013
I would punch you, but my manicure costs more than your outfit, so it would be a waste. #princessprobz

April 28, 2013
My kidneys hurt......

May 1, 2013
HAHA EFF YOU MIRROR. I WIN.

May 1, 2013
Raiding my boss' fridge >>>>>>>>>>

May 2, 2013
Some guy just tried to pick me up in Home Depot. Nice try.

May 2, 2013
Love when asshole drivers yell out their window that my road is closed. I fucking know, I live here! #jackass

May 3, 2013
Super jealous of my boss. She's going to Nantucket for the weekend for her birthday.

May 3, 2013
Omg. My tooth hurts so effing bad....

May 3, 2013
When people don't answer their phone.... #PetPeeves

May 6, 2013
I will always be a princess

May 6, 2013
Love seeing my old asshole bosses!

May 7, 2013
Super annoyed...

May 7, 2013
What in the world have I eaten in the past couple of days that makes my stomach feel like I have a rock the size of Texas in my stomach?!

May 7, 2013
I wish people could just tell the fucking truth..... #GROWAPAIR

May 8, 2013
Why are my days constantly so busy? I need resting time.

May 8, 2013
I'm gonna effin lose it...

May 8, 2013
I swear to God if my mailman delivers my packages to the wrong address again, he won't have a job.

May 9, 2013
Someone want to go to South Carolina with me June 20-25? :)

May 9, 2013
My name at work according to Eric is Kim Junior....

May 9, 2013
My heart literally just stopped...

May 9, 2013
WOW. PSYCHOPATH!

May 9, 2013
And here we go again.

May 11, 2013
Feel like crapppp...

May 11, 2013
So fucking fed up with this shit.

May 11, 2013
Dying from pain..

May 11, 2013
All I want to do is lay in bed on Pinterest & I can't even do that... #firstworldproblems

May 11, 2013
My momma is the best one out there.

May 12, 2013
Happy Mother's Day to the most b e a uuuutiful mom ever!

May 12, 2013
Omg I was living across from an actual psychopath...omg I can't even.. Bitch was in a cult or some shit!...cops came.

May 12, 2013
I feel like I'm gonna vomit... #sosick

May 13, 2013
AMEN: Some people are so thirsty for the drama.

May 13, 2013
Keep calm and treat people well.

May 14, 2013
I hate my phone more than anything in this world.

May 14, 2013
Prince Harry is in Greenwich!!!

May 14, 2013
This strapping Prince Charming is in Greenwich, the town next to mine!

May 15, 2013
I have a lot of hate & anger built up inside...

May 16, 2013
Getting real sick and tired of this shit.

May 17, 2013
Tired. Sore. Itchy. #complaining #sorryimnotsorry

May 17, 2013
It's like you're begging me to slap the shit out of you today. #princessprobz

May 17, 2013
The Lord is testing me.

May 18, 2013
You're so annoying.

May 18, 2013
Alright. Time for some venting... Why the fuuuuuck are you being a bitch when all I want to do is help? I'm not the one being ridiculous, you are...Like, I get it. You're having a rough time. That's why I'm asking if you're alright. That doesn't mean "hey let's be an asshole"...I'm just so sick of some people being shitty to me for no damn reason. Maybe I'll just stop helping people. Then I won't get shit on...All I do is try with you & it gets me nowhere. It's exhausting...Like I doubt I'll even get a response. #PetPeeves...I just want to sleep until Monday... #FUQDIS...Goodnight.

May 19, 2013
So fucking done. I need to get out of here.

May 19, 2013
I actually HATE when I don't get what I want. #bratstatus

May 20, 2013
BUH BYE

May 20, 2013
Very close to buying a one way ticket to SC & leaving tomorrow. #BYE

May 23, 2013
So sad my SC trip got cancelled

May 23, 2013
I swear.. Every couple of months I get super baby crazy. #soonplease

May 23, 2013
Uhm grow up.

May 23, 2013
I feel so sick...

May 25, 2013
I'm hot and cold. My stomach is sick, but I'm hungry. I keep sneezing but I'm not stuffy. Someone help me...

May 26, 2013
You call it being a spoiled brat, I call it not taking any less than what I deserve

May 26, 2013
Not feeling very well..... #saveme

May 27, 2013
People who are generally too nice are more likely to be taken for granted

May 28, 2013
Ugh why do I always feel sick....

May 29, 2013
Feel like death...

May 29, 2013
[frenemy] really wants me to have a baby to play with [frenemy's baby] hahah. #text #iphone #baby #pregnant #lol…

May 30, 2013
But waaaaaait...

June 1, 2013
Why do I spend so much money on clothes?? It sucks

June 3, 2013
I feel like I'm constantly buying new clothes, yet I have nothing to wear...

June 5, 2013
I feel like so many people claim to be insane when they just don't want to deal with the consequences.

June 5, 2013
I think my boss is buying a house in the Hamptons. #needtogo

June 5, 2013
I already know what I want for Christmas. :)

June 6, 2013
Feelin real sick right about now...

June 6, 2013
Why don't I have a job down in Charleston? There are such beautiful houses in our price range!

June 7, 2013
I always get what I want.

June 8, 2013
Can't tell if i'm nauseous or hungry.. It's a fine line with me.

June 10, 2013
I have an online shopping problem... Okay, let's be honest. I have a shopping problem.

June 12, 2013
I need a foot rub like something bad

June 13, 2013
I will pay someone to bring me KFC right now.

June 14, 2013
Wait, you're super annoying, and not funny. Please go away.

June 14, 2013
So done with my car payments.. Ugh. #newcarsoon?...Time for a change! [Icon of princess head]

June 15, 2013
[Various "selfies;" including one with NSIL at a concert]

June 16, 2013
I need new dresses and necklaces. Pronto

June 16, 2013
If you are blocked and you take the time to look up my tweets... You look psychotic. Not me. 

June 18, 2013
Wedding! And APPARENTLY I have a child in me. [This was followed by many photos of herself at someone else's wedding]

June 19, 2013
The cutest old man said I was so beautiful this morning. That made my day.

June 19, 2013
Super nauseous... What the hey.

June 19, 2013
My eyes are burningggggg.

June 19, 2013
My eyes are so sensitive to everything... #needstostop

June 19, 2013
I wish more of my friends actually used SnapChat... I legit only send pics to like, 4 people. & they're prob sick of seeing my face. #ohwell

June 19, 2013
So weird... We went to the wedding two years ago & now they're getting divorced... #soweird...

June 19, 2013
I strongly dislike the fact that I need a recommendation from a doctor to get my thyroid checked even though my family has thyroid problems...it's just a pain having to make an appt to get another appt when I already know I need to go there, hahaha.

June 20, 2013
If I don't get a nap today, everyone will be sorry.

June 20, 2013
If the tiara fits, wear it.

June 21, 2013
Ugh... Summoned for Jury Duty on 8/6... it either better be a crazy murder case or I don't have to go. Either will work.

June 21, 2013
Some people are just assholes........

June 21, 2013
People get mad at you no matter what, so do what YOU wanna do. #mmmbye

June 21, 2013
Bedtime selfie! [sent to guy friend] #selfie #selfienation #pink #bow #hollaaa #idgaf [Yes, she seems to frequently send photos of her self to guy friends.]

June 21, 2013
People give me anxiety

June 22, 2013
Gah.. my chest hurts..

June 22, 2013
[Various photos of her wedding from last year]

June 23, 2013
You'll get what's coming to you... Just wait.

June 23, 2013
How can someone hurt one of the most loving, caring, amazing person I know? You've created many enemies, my friend.... #worthless

June 24, 2013
He's so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground & miss..

June 24, 2013
YOU ARE ANNOYING

June 25, 2013
[Various pictures of her "nephew," who isn't genetically related to her at all but whom she liked to refer to as though he is because she seems to think she has "rights" to any baby/child/human being that comes from her vast network of "frenemies."]

June 25, 2013
Haven't done a selfie in a while.. #selfie #work #pink #coral #pearls

June 26, 2013
It's already one of those days.....

June 26, 2013
[More pictures from her wedding. Which is kinda weird, considering she hasn't even reached her one year anniversary yet, which I'm pretty sure is at the end of the summer. Gee. Marriage on the rocks much?]

June 26, 2013
I have never so many trashy, nasty girls out.. Like why do you think bras and ass cheek shorts are acceptable attire in public?

June 27, 2013
I hate when people retweet people I hate. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HATE EVERYONE I HATE.

June 28, 2013
Rush hour traffic is literally worse than stubbing your toe...

June 28, 2013
I really love that the Chinese food place has always gotten my order wrong. Really makes my fucking night.

June 29, 2013
I could definitely go for a nap right about now... #WhyAmISoTired

June 30, 2013
This headache will not go away...

11 comments:

  1. There needs to for a narcissist hospital that specializes in treatment of hypochondria.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I didn't check out your link to who this was before I started reading and thought it was NSIL for awhile. It wasn't until almost the bottom I figured it out. Must be that they sound so similar.

    ReplyDelete
  3. And what do ya know? Her tweets are private again. Interesting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow. Totally not a coincidence. She went private within the last two hours. During that time, I also had a hit on my blog on this post: jonsi-jonsi.blogspot.com/2012/06/what-tart.html from a very relevant location. So not a coincidence.

      I don't think she likes the Truth very much. Must be painful.

      Delete
    2. Well, it's probably a good thing. No sense in drivel like that being broadcast publicly.

      And really, the poor girl should get herself to the hospital, the way her WHOLE body is shutting down all of the time. My gosh.

      Delete
  4. I don't know why she thinks anyone would care. She's so weird with her love of being called "princess". It seems to me people mean it as an insult, not the compliment she wants it to be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In some of the cases where she cites that I definitely agree with you - like the "mini-Kim" (Kardashian) one. That seems like it's an insult.

      Delete
  5. I bet her favorite wine is, waaaah I wanted to go to Miami Beach
    How about ......

    I want an oompa loompa .. noooow! DADDY

    ReplyDelete
  6. NO wait after I read this definition of an oompa loompa in urban dictionary I think she is an oompa loompa ****Girls that can often be found in high schools and sororities throughout all of California. With orange skin of their own, brought on by excessive use of fake tanner, they resemble the dwarfed creatures mentioned in the above definition. Some people believe this to be sexy. Others would rather shoot themselves in the foot.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Holey crap. I hope this bytch never becomes pregnant-she won't survive the experience.
    Nor will her kids.
    Fast forward 20+ yrs. and they'll be on an ACON Blog trying to explain the reality they weren't dolls but real human beings whose "Mothers" gave birth which translated into "post-partum." Period, the end. "Baby fever" isn't pregnancy, thank gawd.
    I sincerely hope Roter-Rooter won't be capable of blasting out the crap in her tubes.
    #princessprobs: The only woman on the East End who confused a "Mermaid Parade" with her appearance as Moby Dick.
    TW

    ReplyDelete