Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Backed Into A Corner

Easter came and went and we've not heard a peep out of NMIL and Co. Which is a good thing, don't get me wrong, but I don't have high hopes that it's an indication they've decided to back off forever. They'll be back for more just as soon as they feel like it, or NMIL needs a dose of NS, or they've tested the winds and it seems like they'll be upwind long enough to fart in our general direction again without too much fear of reprisal or repercussion.

I had this thought recently that it almost seems arbitrary whenever anyone from DH's FOO reaches out to us: they'll send cards for one major holiday but not the next; they'll skip a birthday one year but then show up on our doorstop for it the following year; they'll completely ignore us for a time and then seemingly out of the blue, jump up and scream "Boo!" because they think they're going to catch us off guard. Sometimes they achieve this end, sometimes they don't. But the conclusion that I came to was that these people don't ever "acknowledge" us unless they've either got something to prove or they seek to engage us in the same-old power struggle. I told DH that there is a part of me that finds it odd that EFIL and L, in particular, would be so quick to send our children Christmas cards (just a month after we sent them our official NC letter) as a way to show us that Jonsi and DH can't be the bosses of them, but that they would then ignore our children just a few months later for what amounts to one of the biggest holidays of the year (for them). Which, more than anything else, just drives the point home for me that none of the attention they direct at our children is in fact for our children - it's merely a ploy to strike back at myself and DH in their forever battle for power and control.

If these people were really so concerned with having a relationship with our children, as they seemed to be implying in their holiday cards last year, then you'd think that they'd be all over the chance to send our kids cards and shit for all the major holidays, especially when you consider that they deemed our demand for NC as being completely worthless and ignore-able. But that's not the case, because EFIL and L aren't interested in having a relationship with our children. Their interests lie in the farce of appearing like "good" people while putting in the least amount of effort possible and gaining back whatever power and control they think they've lost since I came into the picture. And that's about it. The problem with all of this is that this business that they call "love," feels like stalking and abuse and being backed into a corner. And NOBODY puts Jonsi in a corner. Not nobody, not no how.

I've been wondering if NMIL will set her Evil Eye back on us anytime soon, though I don't have any notion that it ever fully left us (considering that she still peruses our blog every few days, and has her various minions perusing it almost daily as well). I'd like to think I'm wrong, but I do think she'll try to hit us again sometime soon. It's been almost four months since we last heard from anyone in her camp, and DH and I are coming up on our second year of NC from her, as well as our third wedding anniversary (both in April). Eventually, she and her band of air-headed groupies will strike out again. It's only a matter of time.


  1. Four months of pure bliss, no doubt! The further away I get from the last conversation with my NF the stronger I get and the less I care...yeah, pure bliss!

    Hope you and DH are just sitting back and enjoying every drama-free moment with your little darlings!

  2. First, congrats on the anniversary, my friend. I hope it's a beautiful day.

    I think the biggest narc give-away is the inconsistency. The absolute inability to maintain the masks and the falsities they've created. If you can just hang on long enough, a narc always reveals their true colors. Over and over. (It's this cyclical pattern that also keeps them hidden. Unless you see the whole pattern of behavior, it's difficult to see them for what they are.)

    At Easter, both my step mother (who I must say has been really making attempts lately to have a real relationship) and my mother sent my kids little trinkets and a card. NM always does this for every holiday, it's kind of her thing, and I let her have it. I thought it was nice of step mother to have thought of the kids. Great grandma also sent something. But MIL didn't. The "big Christian" of the family, completely ignored it. Two Valentine's Day's ago, she sent my kids a valentine. She bought one of those boxes of school valentines and mailed on to each kid (in the same envelope) and only after my son had sent her a Valentine. She does make a big deal out of Christmas gifts, but only if she can give the kids the gifts directly. I suppose that is what it is with MIL; out of sight, out of mind. But it always strikes me as....interesting. How in-congruent their behavior can be.

  3. Your kids are nothing but tools to be used to prop up Appearances, an over-arching theme of all the NPs. Yep, sending the kids cards a month post NC was exactly what you saw it for: A "Fuck YOU" to you an DH. It's disgusting when you use kids to further your adult agenda. OTOH, it's not surprising in that they used us the same way.
    Congrats on your Anniversary! Your wedding dress was just beautiful. There wasn't a snowball's chance NMIL could compete with you by showing up in white: It certainly made her look transparently foolish and petty.

  4. It's a pretty uncomfortable feeling when you don't know what is going to pop out at you, anythime or anywhere. The good news is as long as you stand your ground, and time continues to pass, and they don't get the supply they seek....they will go on to (torment) other things.

  5. They are lulling you into a false sense of security. I wouldn't trust it.