Sunday, February 10, 2013

Off Kilter

I've learned that when things seem off kilter, they generally are. I was thinking today about intuition and how so many people have learned to ignore it, to tune it out. The thing is that intuition is really fucking cool, and if we were just willing to start listening to it, we could all benefit. It's a kind of heightened awareness that, when accessed, allows us to see a reality that exists without need of proof. I always describe this "feeling" I get when something is amiss and I've really been pondering what, precisely, that means.

Sometimes, it's a physical feeling: a burning sensation in my gut, tingling fingers, the little hairs on my neck standing on end, a fluttering heart. Sometimes it's all of those things, or just some of those things. But it's always accompanied by something in my head too - a kind of knowing. My guess is that it's based on an acute awareness of our surroundings, which explains why some people are better at intuiting than others. One of my best examples was the day I woke up with an almost obsessive urge to change my husband's cell phone number. I'd had no idea why, really, I just woke up and acted on instinct. Something told me it needed to be done. And I did it, but I was moments too late: NMIL had called him during the half hour or so that it took for me to run through the process of having his number changed.

Was it a sixth sense? How could I have possibly known that something was going to happen right then, on that morning of that particular day? I will say, it wasn't entirely "magic." I mean, hot damn, if I had that kind of power, I'd have used it to predict a whole lot of other unfortunate events well before they occurred and, at the very least, not been caught unawares by them. If you want to know what I think, it was a hyper-awareness of reality: I was very aware of the circumstances, the details, if you will. I was and continue to track the moves my husband's family makes towards us. I know when things get too quiet. I pay attention. I constantly update my own stockpile of information, looking for clues, looking for missing pieces. And I try really hard to listen to my body, as well as my subconscious mind, when they're trying to tell me something.

When things seem too quiet, it usually means someone is hiding in wait.
When people seem too nice, it usually means they're hiding something wicked.

When I see something that seems odd to me, I try to listen to my instincts, even though nine times out of ten there is no visible evidence to support them. In every situation, at every moment, with every person (especially those who I already know to be untrustworthy) I don't just look at what's there; I look at what is missing. That, I believe, is one of the keys to honing intuition. And good lord, with DH's family, that's one helpful god-damned skill to have.

12 comments:

  1. It happened to me this weekend. This was only the second time I have decided to let DD stay the night at my parents' home. The next morning NMIL showed up announced on our doorstep demanding to see her granddaughter. (The same NMIL who we haven't heard from since she threatened to seek certain "rights" about 4 weeks ago). I have never felt more relieved than the moment I informed her that DD was not home. Even DH pointed out, after the 1.5 hr long battle that took place in our kitchen was over, what a coincidence it was that we let DD go for the night.

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    1. I find it so gross that these people feel they have the right to demand anything, or that they have the right to just show up unannounced (and generally unwelcome, if not ALWAYS unwelcome). And when they don't get what they want, they throw tantrums. That's what a 1.5 hour battle in your kitchen amounts to - the lady had a tantrum because she didn't get what she wanted. Disgusting.

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  2. If your like me, you knew NMIL was due for another attack on DH because narcs are so damn predictable!!!

    I'm starting to actively work at building my defenses as I'm finding narcs and bullies have an instinct for finding me. They don't win but they take a run at me anyway. Hyper-vigilance is a sadly useful skill for those of us with NFOO and a lifetime of making ourselves the juicy targets narcs thrives on.

    My latest weapon, a book called "Liespotting" by Pamela Meyer. For a taste of what's inside check out this short video: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-meyer/how-to-spot-a-liar_b_2094610.html?ir=TED+Weekends&ref=topbar called "How to Spot a Liar".

    Narcs are so arrogantly sure they can put one over on their victims they don't even bother to try and hide their deception which makes them a great target for "liespotting".

    Jonsi, you are SO going to love the book!

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    1. I'm definitely going to pick that one up. I'm fascinated by how the liar's mind works (and of course, how to catch them at it). I think it would have been interesting to join the FBI or something as one of those investigators who learns how to tell when someone is lying. There are some people out there who are so good at it.

      As for narcs and predictability, so accurate. I always keep the idea of potential for drama in the back of my mind, since that is ALWAYS what they are after.

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  3. It's amazing what our under-brain can do - quietly and in the background - with ALL the information at hand. I think that's what intuition is - we really DO have all the clues but our minds are so full of weather and traffic and kids and dinner and laundry that we don't see it consciously. So our sub-conscious takes over, and starts *poking* at you to LISTEN.

    It's that gut feeling when you pull up to the house and the gate is open but you tell yourself 'oh please, one of the kids forgot to latch it' but your under-brain is SCREECHING at you to not go in the house.

    Your instinct that day, with the cell phone - I remember that entry. You DO have a good open line to your instincts! At least as good as some of us ACoNs, lol. That was validation right there. You were right. The bitch did call.

    I keep waiting for your post about the THING THAT HAPPENED, and I am hearing that music in my head that gets played at stressful times in movies. I think you're right on - they are waiting, they are plotting.

    And they have no fucking idea what wrath they will bring down upon their heads when they strike.

    In a way, I'm looking forward to it. Because the Jonsi McGoogle family will SMITE THEM. :)

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    1. Though I'm tired of the games, I too am interested to see what they are plotting. We all know they are up to something. Scheming their little schemes.

      But wait...

      Here comes...

      Jonsi! Her spidey senses are tingling! She's got her trusty sidekick (uhhh, LSV?) and they are prepared to fight a battle! POW BOOM BAM! KACHOW! SLAP!

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  4. I immediately thought of Gavin De Becker's book "The Gift of Fear." He talks about how often we ignore the signs and signals warning us of danger, talking ourselves out of listening to ourselves. I know when NM becomes extra sweet, it's paving the way for extra nasty. I buckle up and batten down the hatches. :-) Sad part is that it took me too long to recognize the pattern.

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    1. But what matters now is that you DO recognize it. :)

      I love that book - I wrote a post a while back about one chapter in particular that pertained to being stalked. De Becker's got a lot of really useful information.

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  5. Spotting a liar the illustrated quick course:
    http://www.care2.com/greenliving/how-to-tell-if-someones-lying-infographic.html

    Have fun, Jonsi!

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    1. Wow. There's a lot of really helpful hints on that chart. Thanks for sharing, Mulderfan.

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  6. NPR had a program on Radiolab.org "Liars" on 2-7; I'm sure it's available on a podcast-good program!
    Yeah, that whole "it's getting too quiet" feeling is very useful especially with the other recent "stuff" Unfortunately, IMO, ACs have been so conditioned not to believe our perceptions/feelings we need practice to get into it and trust it as well as ourselves.
    TW

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  7. I still ignore my intuition. It isn't always right but often is. My biggest problem is wanting to make it happen - for me it seems to only work when I'm receptive.

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