Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Heads In The Sand, Heads Up Their Asses

There's something so ironic about the fact that the shit-stormers that start drama never seem to find themselves in the middle of all the chaos. They create it, they maintain it, and they watch it from afar, but they are never in the midst of it themselves - by that I mean, it doesn't at all create a sense of turmoil in them, as it does the people they are inflicting it on. They talk a lot of shit. A LOT of shit. But when they're faced with the truth, or given an opportunity to see it for themselves, they are the BEST at burying their heads in the sand. I don't think that aspect of a narc's behaviors will ever cease to amaze me.

Why do the personality disordered absolutely insist that every other truth but their own is negligible, that it's not worth a second thought, that it's invalid? Probably because they are the biggest pussies one could ever imagine: they either can not or will not accept that their innards are complete shit and no amount of obsessively maintained polish is going to make that shit look any better. Give them an opportunity to have a dialog and they will piss on it every time. Give them an opportunity to hear your truth and they will immediately pretend they didn't hear you speak. I don't know anyone more cowardly than the narcissists I've known who have tried to stink up my small piece of the world with their constant shit-flinging and subtle manipulations and underhanded threats and thievery and scheming and their overall sneaky douchebaggery.

DH recently reached out to Exhibit A.

Yes. That Exhibit A.

Doing so was not a decision we made lightly. We put a lot of thought into it, into how he should do it, when he should do it. And why. Because I know a lot of people are going to think that was a crazy move, I want to explain our motives. I fully understand that most of my friends and long-time readers will probably STILL believe it was a crazy thing to do, and if that's the case, I will accept that assessment. But in good conscience, on the chance that she ever does show up here or on DH's blog, I couldn't leave my readers in the dark about why we chose to attract her attention.

Most simply put: we were attempting to give DH an opportunity to address the demons of his past in a way he'd never done before and Exhibit A was both the least-threatening and most readily-available target. I don't feel bad in admitting that she was being set up as a test dummy. We were marking out an intentional battle ground, ready to verbally spar with someone who seems plenty willing to vocalize her thoughts about DH's personal life and life-choices (even years after she last spoke with him) on her twitter account or behind his back but who has never once tried to reach out to him to have any sort of meaningful dialog about it. For me, personally, this was going to be a chance for DH to defend himself, and me, in a way I hadn't seen him do before. We hesitated, many times, before sending out the email because it seemed a risky move. But, with his finger hovering over "send," we rationalized that A) This cat had been let out of the bag a long time ago what with the discovery of our blogs by several monkey's from NMIL's flock and B) Ain't nothing wrong with pointing out the truth to a halfwit. Chances are she won't understand it anyway.

So, DH sent this (from his blogging identity):

To: Exhibit A
From: LSV
Sent: Friday, February 8, 2013 @ 10:01 PM
Subject: Here's to Truth

We know what you've said. We know what you are.
Here's to truth. Here's to authenticity.

[Link to this post]


You want to know what's been most surprising to me? We built it, but she didn't come. And that, my friends, was not something I had anticipated. I had imagined that she would show up, even if for no other reason than out of sheer curiosity, wanting to read about the fact that someone out there (or perhaps many someones) know what she has said and done. I imagined that she would read a few posts and then state her opinions - since she's been tweeting out of her twat about them left and right since DH "left" her three years ago. I thought her ego and her stupidity would get her to bite, or at least that she would feel threatened by the fact that people have been talking about all the vile things she has done.

I will offer as a possibility that she simply did not read the message; that she never opened the email because she didn't recognize the email address. But, something tells me that is not the case. I accept it as a possibility, but I do not believe that is what happened.

My hypothesis is that she read the email and then immediately buried her head in the sand. No reading of truths for Exhibit A! Not today! No, not today. Why? Because she's a coward and a pussy. Because she'll forever exist off of the greasy lies she's chews on from day-to-day. She'd rather not expose herself; she'd rather not face the music; she'd rather not subject herself to the world outside of her bubble: where people are laughing at how absurd she is. Her philosophy must clearly be that ignorance is bliss. Even if it's ignorance of her own behaviors, her own words and deeds. Her preference must clearly be living with the sand fleas.

Days have passed without so much as a glance coming from her direction and I honestly don't think she'll ever show her skank-ass face here. There's far too much truth here for her too handle. I'll just say now, it's never too late for a confrontation in my book, I just find it an unlikely scenario. Give a narcissist shit, and she'll sure as hell fling it. But give her the truth and she'll ignore it, every time.

*Addendum - I've also come up with the possibility that Exhibit A has already been here, or that she's already been made aware of what's here, thus her lack of interest in what we've written. If that is indeed the case, then it's not her lack of appearance that is the issue, but that she has a very apparent ineptitude at direct, open, and honest confrontation. I will submit that if she has read anything here at all about herself or those she claims to care about and has still chosen not to show herself, then she is the perfect specimen of cowardly behavior. Just sayin'.


  1. Gossip and innuendo is their lifes blood.

    Truth is the narcissists Kryptonite. They cannot manipulate a crowd with truth. Truth isn't sexy and titallating! No presidential candidate (narcissists, every single one) whipped a crowd into a frenzy talking about TRUTH.

    The little girl (Exhibit A) can't fight the truth - not alone, at least. I'll betcha she is going to let NMIL know how badly you both treated her with that email. She IS only a flying monkey. The real puppeteer is getting an earful.

    I read a book once, sci-fi - where there was a courtroom with a chair that could sense when someone was telling the truth or lies. If you sat in it, and even THOUGHT of a lie, the lights above would glow bright red. The truth would make them glow blue. People were FORCED to tell the truth, because it was obvious every time. We need someone to build this. Imagine how horrified narcs would be!!

    1. We knew that it was a possibility Exhibit A would go tattling, that as a Flying Monkey, it was even likely. It just didn't seem all that scary, considering how we've already got readership from NMIL's camp as it is.

      I would LOVE to build a Truth courtroom. And the penalty, if convicted, could be having water dumped on them, so they'd melt.

  2. I don't think this will work: Can she even read? Comprehend? Reason? Think Critically? Beyond a pre-K level?
    I didn't think so.
    Any material that isn't composed of pictures or numerous "#" followed by a simple declarative sentence al la "See Spot. See Spot run" is beyond the scope of this twit's abilities.

    1. It definitely did not work, TW. I'm already kicking myself for thinking that it would. Did I forget my own assessment of her? Clearly, I must have, otherwise I would have realized this would be a fruitless endeavor. Get a moronic narcissistic nitwit to expose herself? Um, yeah, not happening.

  3. Your post strikes a real chord with me. They toss a grenade into someone's feelings/life then walk away so they can observe (enjoy?) the chaos from a distance. Not a speck of dust from the fall-out will soil their "perfectness".

    This scenario is similar to the result I got from writing MY truth in a letter to my NPs. After spending about two weeks carefully crafting the damn thing, and against everyone's advice, I screwed up the courage to put it it the mail. As MY truth, my feelings, my honest account of what happened between us slid into that slot a wave of relief washed over me.

    I got back into the car and contemplated what might happen next. Most likely, there would be a shit-storm rage from NF or, least likely, they would somehow acknowledge that they had hurt me.

    The third option never really occurred to me! They simply ignored it and even after I wasted a stamp on a follow-up that reiterated the sentiments expressed in the 1st letter, TO THIS DAY, they have never acknowledged receipt of those letters. At first, I speculated that they never got the 1st letter but they told the NGC they had a letter from me that was so upsetting they couldn't bear to speak of it.

    These types are stuck in the ME, ME, ME, toddler phase of human development. They have never acquired that most beautiful of all human emotions, without which love, mutual respect and humility cannot be experienced.

    The poor sick fucks are incapable of EMPATHY!

    BTW The letter that bitch wrote is the biggest pile of jealous crap I've ever seen in my life. She wants what you have but the stupid bitch will NEVER get it!

    1. It was that third option that I'd never really anticipated either, Mulderfan. Especially because these people always seem so preoccupied with their images, that you'd think they'd want to know that we see past the facade. And then, they just ignore it all. Pretend it doesn't exist, pretend we never mentioned it, and go on about their lives, continuing on with their vapid existences. Sad for them, really. Not that I think reading this would have enlightened the bitch, but it would have been interesting to see her finally say, in a direct way, what she's been saying behind our backs all this time. But like I said, they are the ultimate cowards.

      Thanks for the support, Mulderfan. It means a lot to me.

  4. You know, just to throw it out there - I think it's kind of bold to give our aggressors the opportunity to see our truths for themselves. Even though they usually end up ignoring and rejecting it, it's still kind of refreshing to say, "Here. You want to talk about us? Well, here's what we're saying about you. Here's what we think of you." We're OFFERING them a chance, to read it, to see it, to even understand it, if they are so capable. There's nothing here I am ashamed of, nothing here that I would be upset if they saw. It's invigorating, really, to say: Here it is. Here's the truth. Read it and weep. Or don't. The choice is yours.

    1. I think they DO read our thoughts but are incapable of processing and responding to them in them in an adult way.

      I have a picture in my mind of NM reading my letter first: tears well up in her eyes, she puts on her shaky little old lady voice as she hands the letter to NF and says, "I don't understand."

      NF snatches the letter, reads it in a fury and, slamming it down, he snarls, "What the hell is she talking about?"

      Next they go to the retirement home dining room looking all sad, shaky and downtrodden. He has his arm around her or lovingly holds her hand. Staff asks it they're OK and NM, teary eyed and barely able to speak, says, "We've had a horrible letter from our daughter." After pausing for effect, she whispers, "She's mental you know." NF sits in silence with a mournful, far away look in his eye pretending to dream of the daughter they've lost. Their food is barely touched.

      They have not even processed the final line in that letter: "My wish is for us to sort this out with mutual honesty, respect and love."

      Why? The three things I asked for are foreign to them!

      Jonsi, they're so pathetically predictable, I'm betting your DH could write a script just as accurate as mine when it comes to his NFOO!

    2. That would be an interesting post to read, Mulderfan! Maybe I'll run the idea by him to write a script like that.

    3. ...Just like my narcs read everything I wrote about them (I know this because it was on my blog, not in a letter). Then said they "had a good laugh," accused me of being "not all there," and threatened to sue me for defamation. These narcs seem to seriously lack self-reflection. Selfishness and self-centeredness in spades, but no self-reflection.

    4. Ah yes, the mark of narcs everywhere!

  5. Jonsi-love, (Sorry for the long response.)
    It's been my experience that true Narcs and their loyal team of Narc-letes don't EVER play unless they're on their home field. I don't think that they fear confrontation, but they are offended by the idea anyone but Themselves should be able to initiate a confrontation. (How dare you?!) Like the reverse of vampires; they'll only come in your house if you DON'T invite them in.

    I respect that you and DH are following the path that you feel you need to in order to get what you feel you need out of it. In my experience, though (and only in my experience, FWIW,) seeking any form of fulfillment, satisfaction or closure or even discussion about reality from N's or those who align themselves with N's has never worked. Trying to talk about truth with a person who's very existence is a pre-requisite for falsehood is like... like... talking to Taylor Swift about how she's maintained a long term relationship. Like serving different flavors of air for dinner. At the end of the day, there's just nothing of substance THERE.

    My guess? The N's have moved on from "we'll get you my pretties" to creating a reality in which DH and Jonsi either didn't really matter or don't really exist; "pay no attention to the entire estranged family behind the curtain!" When all else fails, they ignore (except under circumstances in which they might be able to garner sympathy with their tale of woe about their horrible 'kids,') shellac (re-write history to any who will listen,) and lie in wait for a moment of weakness in your lives in which they sense that you won't be prepared for an attack. Obviously, DH's email is too infused with strength, so they'll wait for a better opportunity to ambush you.

    Cowards? Yes, one and all.


    1. Oh Vanci, such awesome wisdom. It's Buddha-Vanci!

      Your points are sound - I think there are a number of solutions to the dilemma of Exhibit A's disinterest and one very real possibility is that she/they don't like that they've been invited. (What? You mean we can't storm in, take them by surprise, and ambush them, and then run away and pretend it wasn't us?) You're right, there is no sense in trying to talk sense to the senseless.

      It's actually a good thing for us if they have moved on to pretending we don't exist. That's like...hell yeah! That's what we want dudes!

      (By the way, your comment had me in hysterics).

    2. Jonsi,
      If I ever develop a true Buddha belly, I'll let you cyber-rub it for good luck. :)

      I'm glad you can laugh about it and hope that DH can too. I hope that they have moved on from ceasing to talk smack to you and just settled into talking smack about you. It takes up so much less of your precious time.


    3. When I was younger, the worst punishment the NPs could unleash was "abandonment". These days, I simply LOVE when they "punish" me by pretending I don't exist. In public I have no doubt, it suits their purpose to play the grieving old couple with a heartless daughter but ask me if I care!

      Vanci, I think I needed to make an attempt at communication in order to finally swallow the "red pill".

  6. It's always struck me as so odd that your cohort/age group has been NMIL's Reference Group. Her behavior towards DH and his buddies was inappropriate and clearly overtly seductive towards the guys: Any son would be horrified if their mother acted in this manner towards their friends. I enjoy younger people as well but I certainly wouldn't be cultivating my kid's friends as *my* "friends." That speaks volumes to the maturity of NMIL and glaring lack of boundaries or propriety.
    By the time Exhibit A has put that Post through the Spin Cycle she will emerge once again as the "victim"/Damsel-in-Distress just as NMIL has perpetuated that myth throughout her life. They do, however share certain "commonalities" like trying to nail their next meal ticket/solution to their endless self-created "problems" and blatantly $$$ aspirational scheming.
    Beyond that N superficiality, there's nothing "there."