Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Friends Of Narcissists

At least two of NSIL's "friends" were recently spotted sneaking 'round these parts. We can only assume the suddenly widespread discovery of our blogs had something to do with DH's recent email to Exhibit A. The reason why their presence intrigues me is because I find it astounding that all these people can read our blogs, yet not a single one of them feels the need or has the desire to communicate with us directly about what they see here. While writing my 2013 "catch-up" post the other day, I was acutely aware of the indirect approach to communication that NMIL maintained at every step. By definition, emotional or psychological manipulation is a process wherein one person influences another in a devious or sneaky manner. There is no such thing as above-board manipulation. This clearly means that anyone who intends to maneuver another human being by way of deceit and trickery is not going to openly, directly, or clearly communicate with her intended target. That would not serve her purpose at all.

But what of the friends of the narcissists, who aren't necessarily narcissists or manipulators themselves but are considered to be "close" to the narcissist? Why would they choose indirect over direct communication? Why would they skulk in the shadows and watch from a distance? Why are they content to gossip in the safety of their own bubble world, but never venture out into the open in clear defense of their narcissistic Masters or in defiance of the Truths spoken by one or two little rebels? Their army is large in comparison to ours, and by their own definition - wherein love and support can be shown by the number of followers a person has, regardless of where their loyalties lie - they should easily be able to dampen our rebellion. And yet they can not. We have only a few people speaking truths, they have armies of Flying Monkeys spread far and wide, and yet their numbers are incapable of muting our small revolution.

I have several theories on why their masses stay silent in the face of our modest truths.

1. It could very well be that they just don't care. I am fully aware that they may be bored and disinterested in what DH and I have to say; that it's no more enlightening to them than intelligible words to the village idiot. It's true that I had imagined that there would be something of intrinsic value here to the people who once claimed to have 'cared so much' about my husband, but I realize that it's more likely there is nothing here that holds any value to them, save for scraps of grist for their constantly-running mills. The majority of those ex-friends who have already stopped by didn't spend much time here, which is either because they've already been fed information from a spy and therefore don't feel the need to step onto our turf on their own accord, or because what they've seen when they stepped a feeble toe in the water was not enough to hook them into wanting more. These are not people known for having a thirst for knowledge, and most of them seem to pride themselves on how blissfully ignorant they can appear. Overall, I'd say that some of our newest readers from NMIL's clan fall into this disinterested category: they simply can't be bothered to read all these...words.

2. It could also be that some of our FMRs (Flying Monkey Readers) can't take the heat. The truth here is, afterall, pretty fucking scorching. So they've drudged up the interest enough to take a little looksy, but when they see how extensive this shit is, they turn tail and run. They'll say I'm "obsessed." They'll say I "must not have a life." They'll say I've "created this blog to talk about how much I hate them all." They'll say I'm "a loser." None of that really matters to me, both because I believe they are entitled to their opinions and because I think they're opinions are intentionally perverted, misinformed, uneducated, and obtuse. They, the blind followers of the Mistress of deceit and illusion; the ones who either can't be bothered with the truth because it's too boring for their tastes, or who simply can't face the truth because they don't like how it illustrates their flaws, can say all they want about how "obsessed" or "crazy" they think I am. My beef is that they've never said it to my face. This second theory points to the observation that they remain silent because they can't stand up to the enormous evidence I've detailed on this blog which is in direct contrast to that which they have always believed. Their faith is blind. Opening their mouths here would likely prove that. And I submit that they know it.

3. I also wonder about the various allegiances of any of these people. I believe that, while they maintain a facade of staunch advocacy for NMIL and for the entirety of their flock, they are not actually loyal to anyone. When one of NSIL's very "bestest" of friends showed up here the other day, I sat back and watched, wondering what she was up to. As it turned out, she spent little over an hour on my blog and a mere five minutes at DH's before turning in for the night and going back to her dorm room. Maybe she got what she came for. Or maybe she found nothing here of interest. But whatever the case, DH and I are sure that if NSIL didn't already know about our blogs, she's aware of them now. And still. A roaring silence. Here, I submit the possibility that no one is speaking up because they have no vested interest in the individuals about whom we write - even if they've identified themselves in our subjects. Funny that they seem to spend so much of their time tweeting to each other or making endless proclamations of superficial looooooooooove; yet when they see a threat to "one of their own," they sew their own lips shut. But like the troll who cried BULLY a few weeks ago, it would seem that they may just be paying lip-service to a cause they don't really believe in, for the sake of being awarded a badge of honor when the time comes. They all want the reward for having been the ones to "jump to the aid" of their "best friends" without ever having to actually do anything for the recognition. No doubt, they spent two minutes consoling NMIL and NSIL, reassuring each that DH and Jonsi are really the bad ones, not her, before going back to whatever mind-numbing tv show they had been watching before they were disturbed.

Perhaps I wasn't clear enough in my previous posts about this topic: I welcome commentary on my blog, both from those who agree with me and those who do not. The only rule I adhere to when publishing comments is that identities remain protected and as long as that is the case I always publish what my readers have to say. I am willing to entertain conversation with any individual who wishes to come here and discuss their thoughts. I am even willing to entertain conversation via email, if a commenter chose not to submit their commentary as a public comment, so long as they understand that eventually, I may hold it up to the public as evidence. I had even been looking forward to a little showdown.

Which brings me to my last theory, 4. No one from NMIL's camp will ever want to have a conversation if it's on our terms. They're perfectly happy flinging shit behind their private twitter accounts (good for them) and whispering behind closed doors. They're content with ambushing us and stalking us and leaving vaguely threatening comments while hiding behind anonymity. What they aren't going to do is walk in when they've been invited. Exhibit A? Voluntarily join a potentially enlightening and certainly heated debate about who is right and who is wrong, what is truth and what is lies? That, my friends, would be an epic comedy.

9 comments:

  1. What intrigues me is why they have any interest at all in checking out what a bunch of "lying losers" like us have to say.

    This just occurred to me after reading this post: When my brother was lurking around, in his comments (yeah, he at least had the balls to make his presence known and leave comments) he didn't defend, excuse or explain my parents' abusive behaviour.

    Maybe these lurkers don't speak up because your posts ring true and truth is their krypton!

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    1. You know, Mulder, I was thinking of you when I wrote this and that's a solid idea. I was contemplating what the difference is between the jerks who speak up and the jerks who lurk but stay quiet. They're both interesting breeds of the same genetic stock.

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  2. This is what I've always found so interesting about the narcs: that they are so damn terrified of confrontation. At least real confrontation. They'll lob crap at you from a secret hiding place, but rarely stand in front of you and try and take a swing. But it betrays on of the few principles they hold: never leave fingerprints any one can trace back to you. They want to hide accountability at every turn. It's part of their master plan.
    I wanted, so badly, a confrontation with NMIL. I just wanted to have it out. Have her call me to my face all the shit I knew she was thinking and saying behind my back (which she cleverly hid as 'concern'). I was waiting for it. A couple of times, I stepped up a bit in her face to demand it. And yet, it never came. She always, always ran away. She always hid. I found it to be so damn frustrating. When I confronted NM, she would do anything she could to distract me from the point; crying, blaming, changing the subject, feigning illness.
    It frustrates me to no end, but I realized they will NEVER confront directly. A

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    1. Jessie, my NM is the sneaky behind your back type but my NF is a raving lunatic, hurling his filth just inches from your face. I lived with his shit as a kid and I was well into adulthood before I got up the courage to say absolutely nothing, turn my back and walk away, which by the way, made him even crazier!

      Any wonder confrontation still freaks me out!

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    2. MF, I probably should've said that narcs have no idea how to confront someone in a healthy way. Because I, like you, am not a fan of screaming and yelling and lunatics ;). My dad is like that and I still have a fear reaction if he gets upset, despite him having calmed considerably.
      But I would imagine that you can confront people in a healthy way. I know of no narcs that would deal directly with anyone.

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  3. Ns live in a world of Fiction, Spin and Appearance Management: Above all, they are *Always* the "Victim." Consequently, presenting Facts which dispute their faux narrative are ignored a la Mulderfan's "Let's Pretend (That Didn't Happen)" Game of Accountability for their nasty behind-the-scenes or overt behavior.
    Rather than dispute the Facts it's far easier and actually desirable for Ns to attack the purveyors of Truth. Consider all the ACs (your DH among them) who have attempted repeatedly to discuss both orally and in WRITING with NPs their factual reality as a result of their experience of growing up in a NFOO. The immediate result was either absolute silence or a wall of N-Flack (deny, minimize, rage, rationalize etc.) Shuck 'n Jive. The NPs are now well aware they're losing Control over their "Mini-MEEE!" and their N Narrative/Appearance which is a grave offense in the NP world. The next step is a Campaign of Denigration and Distortion/Recruitment of Mindless Minions to shore up the NPs "Position" and identify a Common Enemy. Inevitably, it's the Spouse (if one is available) which is further evidence of the complete disrespect the NPs have for their ADULT off-spring and their life choices. Both the AC and the Spouse get dirtied up in every possible way secondary to the NPs effort to flee the reality of their piss-poor "Parenting."
    As a result the private, personal and painful issues the AC brings to the table with an NP in an honest attempt to remediate what ails are completely lost, subsumed to NPs frantic attempts to keep their "Appearance" intact. War has been declared by the NP. The characteristic Power and Control Ns demonstrate across all their relationships in conjunction with their Need to be *RIGHT* at all costs includes their relationship with their ACs. Any hope for reconciliation is now lost permanently.
    I may not particularly be fond the Messenger. What really matters is the Message. The cost of denying or ignoring Factual Reality is far too perilous to let my ego over-ride the Facts. However, this is *exactly* the result the NPs/NFOOs are seeking. It serves their purpose admirably and allows them to hide behind their Mindless Minions while exerting their Power and Control over the N Narrative/Appearances and engaging in typical NP Terrorist Tactics. The NP's goal was *never* Remediation/Reconciliation: It was destruction of the AC and their family. Simply for daring to speak their Truth.
    TW

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    1. Tdub - I didn't really need to write this post. You had the answer all along. :)

      But I'm glad it's here (both the questions and the answers) for people who are also searching for their own truths.

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  4. The only purpose was to reinforce the reality it's not just DH and you who've been through this crap: There's a whole bunch of us and consequently, NPs and Minions are predictable in their responses.
    TW

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  5. Seems to me these folks know inherently what they are dealing with in the Narcissists they are pretending to follow...I would certainly keep my options open too...knowing how the N's are...they seem to be on the fence...looking for a safe place to run when the N turns on them! Which minion/camp should I be with today? being the mindless, ignorant zombies that they are...they are SO CONFUSED... BAAAAAHAAAAAAA!

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