From Think Like A Blackbelt: 100 Signs and Traits of Narcissists by Lori Hoeck. This is a decently extensive list, which is something I tend to look for when I'm re-posting something. I like lists. I like lists that contain a whole lot of information even more. If you're new to the idea of narcissism and are just doing preliminary research about it, this is a general but informative place to start:
- A sense of superiority places them above others
- Must be the center of attention, constantly seeking approval, acknowledgment, kudos, accolades, praise
- Act like they are the lead character in all things in life
- Dominate conversations because they believe they have the only worthwhile things to say
- Want others to give into their demands, request for favors, and put their needs first
- Have inflated egos, inflated sense of entitlement, inflated sense of importance, inflated need to be center stage
- Envious of other people’s accomplishments and will steal, lie, or sabotage others to get attention back to them
- Envious of other people’s possessions, they will put such ownership down or minimize it to make themselves look more noble
- Search for constant approval and praise to reinforce their false
grandiose sense of self, they’re “on- stage,” dominating the
conversation, often exaggerating their importance
- (Since the self is so fragile — an ever crumbling construction of
their ego) — use power, money, status, looks, supposed past glories
(or supposed future glories) to boost their image
- See criticism as baseless attacks or betrayal and countered with
cold-shoulder anger or rage or chilly stares or verbal attack.
- Can never accept blame. Others are always to blame.
- Feel being center of attention is good, right, and proper
- Have a grandiose sense of self-importance
- Think they are special, God-touched, or privileged
- Think they can only be understood by other special or high-status people
- Have unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment
- Believe they are beyond the rules. Laws do not apply to them and
remorse is only felt when someone catches and confronts them.
- High maintenance because they need your attention, praise, and deference
- Fake sweetness, honor, and good intentions, but deprive them of
something they want and look out as they reveal their true selves.
- Express grand, exciting plans, but rarely can make them happen
- Blame others rather than take personal responsibility
- Lack of empathy colors everything they do.
- May say, “How are you?” when you meet, but they are not interested
- Their blame-shifting creates defensiveness. Then they belittle the defensiveness: “Why are you so angry?”
- Since they shift blame so well & seamlessly, your guilt/insecurity issues stay raw and over-sensitive.
- Lend you a hand up, then subtlety cut off at the knees to keep you indebted & coming back.
- If you point out an error they made, they go into defensive mode
counter any such notion with anger, venting, rage, cold-shoulder, or
- Give you a metaphorical rug & then keep pulling it out from under you
- They are: blowhards, braggarts, blusterers, brow-beaters, bullies, big-headed, and ultimately bogus.
- Help you gain certain skills/info/connections, but then forever make you feel beholden to them.
- Extremely skilled at making anyone under their influence crave their approval.
- Make you feel special & then emotional distance themselves in ways that keep you unsure of yourself.
- Use a judgmental “you’re OK”/”you’re not OK” yo-yoing to keep you off-balance & “blameworthy.”
- Groom people via manipulation (charm/rage combo) to sell their reality/rationalizations to others.
- Virtually all of their ideas or ways of behaving in a given
situation are taken from others, people they know and perhaps think of
as an authority.
- Their sense of self-importance and lack of empathy means that they will often interrupt the conversations of others.
- Expect others to do mundane things, since they feel too important to do them
- Constantly use of “I”, “me,” and “my” when they talk.
- Very rarely talk about their inner life, memories and dreams, for example.
- Lie, using subterfuge and deception as tools
- Are stuck in one level of maturity where growth is not an option
- Only have eyes for “me, myself, and I” instead of “we”
- Don’t understand empathy, except to fake it as a tool
- Play “Give to get” by being nice or helpful only to expect reciprocation
- Put on the air of “having it all together” and will not readily admit failure or weakness
- Jump to defensive mode readily and frequently
- May apologize, but it doesn’t mean a real change in behavior
- Run from their own problems rather than tackling them
- Demand your trust rather than being transparent and earning it
- See you as extensions of themselves and resist your freedom
- Create stories, euphemisms, sayings, definitions, rules they hold up as Truth. Their world is false.
- Must talk about themselves & be in control. They want you to just be an ego-stroking entity for them.
- Find personality weaknesses & exploit them as easily as you & I ride a bicycle.
- Will rarely listen to or respect your “No”
- Take advantage of others to reach his or her own goals
- Appear tough-minded or unemotional
- React to criticism with anger, blame-shifting, shaming or humiliating others
- Fail to recognize people’s emotions and feelings
- Exaggerate achievements, personal history or talents
- Are unpredictable in mood and behavior
- Become aggressive, hostile, verbally vicious, or withdraws when threatened
- Can vocalize regret for a short time when found out, but soon rationalizes it away
- Appearance is important, so primping or fastidiousness is common
- Withdraw or a cold shoulder is used as a tool to make you do what they want
- Rationalize everything to make sure they always come out on top
- Will steal an idea, quote, lesson plan, piece of wisdom — call it their own
- Groom underlings and create organizational or business environments to suit their need for ego stroking
- Create Employment Hemorrhage — narcissists drive people away with inconsistent, raging, and arrogant actions.
- Tend to be a lot of talk — fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
- Can suck up to bosses while talking down to those they think inferior
- Expect others to go along with them because their plans are better or special
- Expect constant praise and attention
- When work or plans fail, will blame others and make it sound plausible
- Will take advantage of co-workers
- Will be jealous of others’ success but wear a face of confidence
- Play the “If you don’t like it I’m taking my ball and going home” game
- Exaggerate abilities and uses blame-shifting to cover deficits
- Can’t understand “There is no ‘I’ in ‘TEAM’.”
- Often argumentative, but arguments are convoluted, emotional, irrational
- They feel that the rules at work don’t apply to them.
- They will always cheat whenever they think they can get away with it.
- If you share workload with them, expect to do the lion’s share yourself.
- They love to delegate work or projects and then interfere by micro-managing things
- If things go well, they take the credit; if the work turns out badly, they blame the person they delegated it to.
- There tend to be higher levels of stress with people who work with
or interact with a narcissist, which in turn increases absenteeism
and staff turnover.
- They get impatient and restless when the topic of discussion is about someone else, and not about them.
- Value religiosity’s rules or business protocol over spiritual growth.
- Take pride in their own righteousness and rightness.
- Attempt to belittle any version of reality that conflicts with theirs.
- Can’t believe they make mistakes.
- Have an inability to feel or process or truly understand shame.
- Create scenarios to discover your weakness or fears to manipulate later.
- Don’t use language as communication. It’s for hiding, deflecting, avoiding, masking, & manipulating.
- Their charm is false. Contradict them a few times & you’ll feel their out-of-proportion narcissistic rage.
- Their conversations & interactions aren’t meant to enlighten, but to confuse, control, & create drama.
- Are black holes, working to get time, money, or talent from you.
- Expect you to lend a listening ear and give votes of approval.
- Use emotional withdraw to create guilt and compliance.
- Will use the parental or child role to get what they want.
- Will betray secrets to feel more powerful.
- Can use flattery or sickly-sweet protests of innocence like a stealth weapon.
- Use verbal skills to block or deflect being confronted.
- Impact our lives negatively despite appearing to have some positive effect.
- Their subconscious creates a false ego from which to relate to the world. They are their own avatar!
- Subconsciously real relationships don’t exist for them. We’re all just players on the narcissists stage.
- Their sole subconscious pursuit is to be seen as God’s gift to the world in a certain area or skill set.
- Early emotional trauma freezes their worldview at that age, making them immature, impatient, inconsiderate.