Friday, January 4, 2013

Along Came A Spider

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be." -P.C. Hodgell 

Hey guys, remember that time when Caliban's Sister started shit over at Upsi's place in an effort to take control of all us Misfit Toys and then refused to back down or apologize after she said a whole bunch of really crazy shit and then, when she couldn't win she employed the use of some pretty typical narcissistic strategies to divide and conquer and then shipped out and made her old blog private, but not before making changes to it in an attempt to make herself look better and then only invited bloggers to read it that had gained her approval and then a few weeks later started a new blog so that she could subtly drudge up old grudges about a past that the rest of us had moved on from but which she refuses to drop because she thinks we all still give a damn and that there is still something to win?

Remember that?

I'm going to start off today's analysis of said events by saying that I have no real emotional attachment vested in exposing Cal's Sis for what she is save for my devotion to speaking the Truth as I see it, my desire to evaluate the written misdeeds of others, so long as it is foolishly being published openly on the internet, my aversion to narcissistic bullshit but also my fascination with examining it, and my proclivity towards annihilating that which aims to destroy peace, love, and happiness. And, unlike Cal's Sis, I urge you not to take my word for any of this: By all means, question what I have written here. Read her shit for yourself, both what is public, and what is private (if she'll let you). Talk about it, with me, with others, amongst yourselves. Agree, disagree and agree to disagree. Look for your own answers and draw your own conclusions. Read this post or don't read it. Spend as much or as little time as you'd like pondering it. Get fed up with me for bringing this issue up again and move along or stick around to see what else I've got in store. My only goal is to speak my Truth as I see it and as I see fit. Veritas lux mea. Truth is my light. I am offering it to you now if you are in need.

If you haven't been tracking this story since it's beginning, I'd like to sum it up for you as briefly as possible. If you have been following and don't need a recap, by all means please skip to the next paragraph. In a nutshell: Once upon a time, there was a crazy messed up lady named Charity who wanted to test the waters of ACoNville by starting a blog and becoming the zealot of lies and abominations. She tipped off the radar of the most skilled truth-fighters and long-time bloggers I know with only the most subtle of narc-reveals while simultaneously gaining a spot in the ranks of what is now the opposing camp: a group of still-wet-around-the-ears bloggers and make-shift crazies and ACoN wannabes. Most were newbies and most would wind up populating the Land of Bullshit, where Caliban's Sister now reigns supreme. Anyway, upon hanging around for a little while, Charity decided it was time to go wild and left a really fucked up anonymous comment on one of Upsi's posts, and then commented on her own comment, pretending like it wasn't her that had left it in the first place, and then came back a few hours later and confessed to the whole thing, and then cried for pity before running back to her own blog, changing her online persona several times as well as the entire synopsis of her blog, and no one (save for Caliban's Sister) ever saw hide nor hair of her again. Enter: Cal's Sis, who stepped in as spokesman for Charity. She said a lot of weird and crazy shit on behalf of a narcissist who, to this day, lives in infamy. At one point, she even started leaving anonymous comments on Upsi's posts pretending to be an attorney in a really lame attempt to bully Upsi into taking down comments CS had published on her blog. And when people started calling her out on THAT crazy shit, or disagreeing with almost anything she wrote, or pointing out some very obvious flaws in her logic, all hell broke loose. I wrote a post detailing my thoughts about what she was doing because I didn't like that she seemed to be coaxing the weaker-minded individuals sitting around into seeing things her way, or how her tactics at manipulation were becoming more overt, or how the people she was championing were either crazy, misinformed, or pathetically dependent, or how she was sneaking around pretending to be an attorney, all of which was denied by her but confirmed and backed up with evidence. This became a fight, not about Charity's fucked up logic but about Caliban's apparent need for power and control through lies, extortion, manipulation, bullying and subtle games in a blogging world created and maintained by people who have made it their life goal to dialog in Truth, the whole Truth and nothing but Truth. Until, along came a spider.

My analysis starts with Caliban's new blog. Personally, I considered it a victory when she privatized her old shitbox, since her doing so was indicative of the type of delusional thinking that seems to permeate narcissistic strongholds and she had just made it really, really obvious: As in, narcissists always seem to think they're holding all the cards and that everyone else will want what they have. Cali began to systematically offer membership to only her most loyal members, effectively exposing herself and her Flying Monkeys one gold jacket at a time. She likes to parade them around now on her public blog, offering them up as the GCs of her little dysfunctional family and petting them with fluffy little phrases of familiarity and terms of endearment that to me, read as fake. She fluffs them up and fawns over them and they, in turn, eat it all up. Not unlike what narcissistic mommies everywhere do with their GCs and their best-kept pets. 

Cali has most recently ramped up the grooming: "In one of the conversations I've been having with my friends Kitty, Kara and CZ...we've been trying to separate out a kind of core morality that we subscribe to...I was looking over one of CZBZ's lists...and came across this great post she wrote back in 2008, before I was lucky enough to know her." To which CZ replied, "You are such a gracious woman and I appreciate our friendship very much...I appreciate being appreciated even if I don't expect it and it takes me by surprise." (Caliban's Sisters, Secular Morality and Link to N-Continuum, January 3, 2012). To some people, this may not look like much. To me, it looks like the grooming of one of a narc's favorites and the blind-reverence of one co-dependent follower. And there's plenty more where that came from.

I can single out most of Cal's regular followers from a crowd because in general, they all seem to have surprisingly similar traits: her typical sheeple are either weak-minded and weak-willed; institutionalized, claiming to have been institutionalized, or in need of institutionalization; broken in spirit; mindless and easily persuaded, and the by-product of very serious abuse and dysfunction; or some combination thereof. One of my personal faves was Trisha, who I had the displeasure of running up against when Cali was at her height of mudslinging during the post-Charity era. Ah, Trisha. A finer pawn I never did meet: Already crazy and delusional, skilled (or so she thought) at using her ahem womanly charms to turn the tides by winning over our resident barbed-wire-wrapped, fluffy bunny cored, enigmatic cowboy, and marginally good at appearing the victim. A couple beers short of a six pack too, if you know what I mean. So in the comments on my post when I talked about my theory that Cali was trying to run Upsi out of town and steal whatever throne she seemed to think Upsi was sitting on, Trisha threw herself out there as Cal's temporary and very convenient human shield. She bit the big one pretty quickly.

And then seemed to think I wouldn't realize it when she went back and deleted her previous comments on other posts which would have served as evidence of her craziness in an effort to erase history and make me look like the bad guy. After she and I went back and forth for a while on that post, (which you can still read here because she hasn't yet deleted those comments) she went back to this post with one hand and deleted this comment: Hi Jonsi, I'm a little late to this but I tried to be your hero and look up the words from the song that you're missing, but as I'm sure you know, no-one has that line anywhere online!! I even went to their website, nothing. lol, and then, with the other hand, jerked Cali off with by leaving this comment on Cal's new blog: CS, if the blogger world required me to stand beside someone in support and unity, (I'm happy it doesn't) it would be you, without any doubt. (October 25, 2012 @ 8:30 AM). I pondered the deletion of that one comment on my blog for quite a while, trying to figure out how it fit in to the bigger picture and what I came up with was the theory that Trisha was being used by Cal as a tactic to stir up troubled waters and divide loyalties.

In private messages to Q, just prior to going crazy on my blog in public, and then immediately deleting the original comment she left on my post Trisha wrote the following messages:

From: Trisha
To: Q1605
Date: Wednesday, October 24, 2012 @ 10:26 AM
Subject: Confessions Of A Former Sheep tells me how to feel. You seem like a strong independent thinker, why let what any other blogger says make you feel like you have to agree with her? You could 1) not reply to that blogger, 2) laugh hard in her blogging face 3)speak up and disagree and 4) ignore the biatch forever. CS does seem to try and control things to some extent, but I *now* simply ignore her...but at first I didn't and it got me in trouble. I wanted to delete that mean-mouthed bitchy comment to you..she asked me not to...and I did follow her a little like a wimpy fault. (holy fuck, I was a sheep) Additionally, I don't always look to see follow up comments I've left on other people's blogs. Unfortunately CS emailed me to tell me Jonsi had left a "baiting message to me" on her blog, but to Please not reply to it. That is not my style, as you probably know, *lol*, but like a fucking little bitch-sheep, I agreed and didn't reply. You know the rest of the story....Jonsi was pissed at me but I felt unsure of how to proceed. I hoped it would go away, as I told Jonsi. I tried to connect w/Jonsi OFF CS's blog so CS could not control me...but Jonsi didn't reply to my comment on her blog. She has no visible email addy. I put my head in the sand until CS called me over to her blog b/c I was being attacked etc. I reluctantly went..wishing I hadn't. I wanted to be truthful and just say, CS asked me not to reply Jonsi, and I wimped out but then I saw how mean Jonsi was to me, and I didn't want to give her anything. This morning CS emailed me to tell me about Jonsi's blog. I would have never found it on my own.  I told CS to NEVER email about negative blogs again, ever. She agreed. Okay, so yes, I was a sheep. damn it! :) CS has made a couple other requests of me that felt *wrong* and I did not do them. Wow, who knew I was CS's little bitch for awhile?! (don't answer that!) I would prefer this info not be blogged about...but I am not the boss of you, unless you enjoy that sort of game? :)
Wow re: your ex wife's ex hubby! Was he an ex at the time? It's hard not to take crap personally, but I'll work on it. Thanks Q
Take care Eh?!

From: Trisha
To: Q1605
Date: Wednesday, October 24, 2012 @ 4:00 PM
Subject: Confessions Of A Former Sheep 

Sons Of A is about a biker gang...I fantasize about fitting in somewhere, maybe a biker gang would be it? lol  I really like House Of Lies...the idea of Dexter is great, but while trying to watch it I found it just too gory. I'm not big on blood and guts. Californication: that lead guy David D, I can't stand the look on his so I can't watch him.
Thanks for considering me 'nice'. When a group of people were trying to label me one day, at a party, for a joke, all they could come up with was that I was a "rough fluff".
So you're still with ex#2, or is that over....again?  I am simply lucky or I would have been a guest in the 'big house' as well over the years. So, fwiw I have zero judgements in that area! (in fact, I like ya more for it.) I used to chat online years ago and my nic was "edge"...a very well suited name for me. It's impressive that you worked your ass off to rebuild trust with your wife! Obviously, that's exactly what she needed. The kids still live with you guys? I was too fucked up to have kids, now when I'm half assed ready,it's kinda late.
'narc tendencies' is a brave admission. I have been very mean to some of my exes. Drama and intensity mixed with dynamite sex was the package I was offering. It's amazing what some ppl will tolerate for a good lay?! Lucky for me, and others, I am mellowing out, able to own my shit and actually be kinda nice. :) Do you consider yourself an extrovert? If someone is an attention whore, I assume they would be outgoing? I love attention too, I can't help but be a stand up comic when in a group. As soon as I have them all laughing, I can relax and feel secure. Fortunately, people do find me funny. I read a crowd well and know when to stop talking. (except in this email)
I'm the opposite of a shush-er, I want more communication with others, never less. Well, except with Jonsi right now. *sweet smile*
Thanks for taking time to chat with me!

From: Trisha
To: Q1605
Date: October 25, 2012 @ 3:30 AM
Subject: Confessions Of A Former Sheep


Damn that Jonsi chick triggers the eff outta me. I have to just stay 100% away from her. I won't try trash talking her in our emails. :)  I really appreciate you mentioning your approval of me on the blog. Thanks. I do think CS was manipulating me, probably unconsciously, to be her bitch. I was dragged into this mostly b/c of her. Okay, enough blaming.

That last short email I sent a few minutes ago was in my draft folder from earlier today, I sent it prematurely.
Do you have a Texan accent? Cowboy hat? How Texas are ya?
I still haven't watched Sons Of A, I got busy.
If you still feel like chatting I'm around tomorrow. Some landscapers and propane tank movers are coming so I'm stuck here waiting and watching. I'd like the company. We can keep it a secret from Jonsi if you'd rather.
Honestly, I don't care. I know how important being liked can be for you (and for me, for many people).So you like making people laugh too? I am not good at physical comedy, but it's my good sense of timing that makes me so funny. Weird how humor doesn't translate so well online for me? Perhaps b/c I am being way way too serious. I usually am excellent at laughing at myself, I will try that more.
Okay, I'm going on and on.
Have a great night!

From: Trisha
To: Q1605
Date: October 25, 2012 @ 11:11 AM
Subject: Confessions Of A Former Sheep

Hiya Q,

You probably don't give a crap, but I just want to leave the entire blogging hell behind me. I haven't read any 'upsetting' blogs today and deleted the links. You are just too attached to Jonsi, and I don't want *any* connection with ppl like her. So I'm recalling my offer to chat. I can see that Jonsi would help attack your ex wife's ex, but she would attack anyone for the sake of it. If her being her usual mean self buys your loyalty, I have nothing to offer.

Take care and thanks for all the good you contributed to my early blogging days.

The emails above are hard to touch without disturbing whatever precarious edge of sanity they still contain. Because I'll tell you what, Trisha doesn't present as any sort of sane personality and it makes me even sicker thinking that Cali was out there throwing poop out for her craziest monkeys to play in. And play they did. I'm not going to get into the kind of serious analysis I'd like with the emails above, but I will make a couple of my more salient points for now: 1) Trisha obviously had not spent a lot of time on my blog as made obvious by her statement that I have no visible email address there. 2) The comment she made reference to about trying to connect with me was the very same one that she eventually went back and deleted after publicly declaring her allegiance to Cal's Sis. 3) Someone probably told her to be afraid of me, or at least pretend to be afraid of me. 4) Upsi, Q, and I have reason to believe she stayed on for a while as an anonymous sideline commenter on Q's blog after this shit went down. 5) Q's words: "The recon she [has provided is] about as reliable as she is stable," which leads me to my final point (for now) on Trisha: that any and all of what she said could have been a lie.

But ultimately, there is a certain someone who I believe was behind the scenes stirring the pot. And it's the same person who I believe was sitting up on her hill sending the sheep to slaughter, who was enlisting the craziest of fucking crazies to do her dirty work for her, and at the end of the day, who was left after the first wave was defeated. Trisha hasn't been around in a long time, but Cali is still running around shining her shoes with the blood of her fallen soldiers. She's used them as collateral for her own gain, all while playing martyr and acting the pretentious scholar, who seems most pissed off in life about the fact that she's just a dike that no-mommy loved. Don't get me wrong: I have no beef against gay people. I do, however, have a beef against ANGRY, nasty, bitter, rude, manipulative narcissistic gay people. And I'm pretty sure Cali is all of those things.

What am I doing now? Well. I've just poked a hole in the wall that was standing between us and them: the sane and the insane, respectively. And now I'm waiting for Cali to poke her little dick into it to see what happens.

So far, this has been the rhetoric of the great Presidential Debate of 2012, going on 2013, and we're still going strong: (Cal aka Bill Homestead is on the left, then Q aka Jack Moyer, then Upsi aka Guy Ludlum, followed by Jonsi aka Jack Patton)

So what props did everyone bring to this little round table discussion? Well, besides her tiny dick, which she appears to be disgruntled that I've spotted, Cali has brought her letters of recommendation from Trisha and CZ and Toto and a handful of other mindless followers. Me and Upsi and Q and Mulderfan and Gladys and Jessie and Vancie and the rest of the Ungrateful Little Bastards have brought our air horns and whistles and guitars, voice changers and big kid underpants.

Cobblepot Cal is a washed-up attention whore who offers nothing but stale biscuits while expecting us to grovel at her feet for imparting her infinite wisdom to us ungrateful little bastards. She sits atop a throne of lies and manipulations attempting to provoke us with her semi-erect Sister's blog, while she secretly works the drones in her private one. She thinks she holds the trump card over there with her little power-plays since she wants us to know that SHE can decide which comments to publish. Word to the wise: don't bother leaving comments that disagree with the dried up shit she keeps posting there because she won't publish it. Cal isn't interested in having a dialog any more than she was ever willing to offer up a genuine apology for her original wrist-slapping.

There's only one thing left for me to say at this point:

[bah own chica wah own] Oooooooooot Oooooooooot [bah own chica wah own]


  1. In case no one has noticed, I didn't take this kind of shit from my own sociopath mother. Who in the name of fuck thought I would take it from some second rate dyke teaching psychobabble at some glorified Junior College and some other fat bitch that has nothing more to offer than a library card that's up to date?
    Not to mention the bitches that so gladly sold me out after I gave them the kind of leg up Lisette from the House of Mirrors so graciously gave me in the beginning of my blog.
    Being a chick doesn't exempt a person from doing the right thing.
    Right is right.
    Wrong is wrong.
    And you guys fucked a lot of people over in the name of the Cobblepot Cali.
    Being afraid of your own shadow doesn't excuse you from shitting on others. People who did right by you from the beginning.
    And you all know who you are.
    I will call your pansy asses out by name if you want.
    If you think I mean you, I probably do.
    You know who you are.
    For now I will stick to Caliban and CZ.
    Your academic detachment is a disgrace.
    You are unlicensed dipshits reading from dated text books hashing semantics while people are dying out here.
    Agentic versus communal?
    Blabity blah.
    Give me a fucking break. Archaic anger is what people call it when they have no real life experience.
    Both of you can fuck off. Find another group of marks.
    And take the Kara's and Kitty's and Mollies with you.

  2. I'm tooting my air horn profusely with utter devotion to your assessment skills. A fine piece of investigative journalism, and you're funny as hell to boot. I about died laughing reading this Jonsi.

  3. Ditto the last line and, CS, get over yourself bitch! You thought you'd play fox to our chickens except we ain't no chickens!

  4. I am not completely opposed to the academic side of personality disorders. The two philosophies I subscribe to are those of Dick Hertz and Ava Gina.
    If your Dick Hertz then go see Ava Gina.

  5. The shameless academic dick sucking that takes place in Cali's circle gives blow jobs everywhere a bad name. It is so goddamn grating on my gears to see people stroking each other's egos in the name of healing from narcissistic abuse. Go study infant perception and word learning with your insulated group of sycophants and leave the heavy hitting to people who actually give a shit about the truth.

  6. If past BS is any indicator of present BS (and there's no reason to believe otherwise IMO) rest assured history is being re-written as we speak through "selective pruning" of Comments, "Disappearing" Posts etc. I'm not at all interested in what goes on in CS-ville and haven't gone back since CS clearly indicated she would not own her own stuff, literally her own words.This behind-the-scenes crap smacks of drama for the sake of drama, manipulation, and nefarious agenda. Where have I experienced that before?
    q, I know you've "fostered" a number of new Bloggers and I'm sorry you got shit on for your efforts. As much as I want to support new Bloggers, I'm learning to stay away from them until they have established themselves as people of integrity, of honesty and not a heart-beat away from an Involuntary Commitment/72 Hr. Hold. I surely don't have to agree with them/their POV but if I don't allow people to jerk me around IRL, I'm not gonna invite it into my LR via my on-line "world" either.
    BLOG ON, ULBs!

  7. I really does sicken me. People are out here in misery and they are all a twitter going on about how liking cute kittens are an ego syntonic trait. While an encounter with a penis is ego dystonic.
    No Cali, I think penis lust would be ego syntonic.
    No CZ trust me. A blood engorged penis makes me want to puke.
    Well I think yours is an agentic way of thinking because the communal way of feminism is more for a woman liking a penis.
    I get your most excellent point CZ but I have never met a penis I liked.

  8. I agree TW. I don't expect for any one to pledge allegiance to me. Unlike Cobblepott. But you don't have to take a dump on me either. I can get that at the house.
    I'll still err to the side of blind trust. I won't let them take that from me.
    You can't kill the dream damn you Cobblepott.
    When Cobblepott started asking others to delete their blogs (drink the kool aid)I thought every one would tell her to fuck off. Little did I know the depth and breadth of a fascist and the lack of depth of sheeple.
    Good thing we aren't Jewish.
    We might have become pizza toppings.

    1. Pizza toppings? Bwahahahaha. For now Cali is satisfying herself with lamb meatballs on her pizza.

      Having just gone through trying to foster someone who turned around and shot on me then tried to tell me how to do my business, I agree it's shameful for people to forget who held their hand when they jumped into the online community. It's one thing to drift away; it's another to backstab and bad mouth behind their former fosterer's back.

      Bite the hand that fed you and feed yourself to the hungry narcissist. Smart move. Enjoy enjoy the temporary basking in the narcissist's sun. That heat you're feeling is you as a pot roast in the PD stew.

      But hey, they are welcome to follow their false god. Just stay the fuck out of my playground. I have no use for you.

  9. Thank you for this post. The whole thing has taught me that it actually might be safe now to trust my own instincts.

    I have actually taken a few looks at the new CS and almost started following a few times, when it seemed it was a civilized, information-centered blog. And then I saw between the lines thinly veiled, encrypted, deniable blame, martyrdom, and supercilious sanctimoniousness about the same old thing.

    The behind-the scenes part sure is yucky and I'm grateful to Trisha, at any rate, for exposing it (not just here, in public comments as well).

    For the record, I'm not part of any "gang", just a relatively seasoned blogger who can now thing for herself, thankfully.

  10. And I'll be interested in learning whether a certain IP address starts showing up here 20,000 times an hour and whether a lawyer makes an appearance again.

  11. Thanks for the post, I never really understood what was going on except that there was a lot of anger and arguments, what seemed like all of a sudden - cause I am new. All I saw was a space of discussions, and self analysis etc becoming volatile and thinking 'fuck this shit'.
    As Q said "Being afraid of your own shadow doesn't excuse you from shitting on others". There is no excuse for such nastiness. I still don't get why they did all this stuff, but I think I'll just take it as a comfort of my own maturity and sanity.
    It's nice to have people agree with you, for the validation, or encouragement or even the safe comfortable feeling, but it's important to hear other points of views or opinions and consider them - I else do we learn?

  12. Is there a Paypal link on the private blog? That's what it reminds me of, web sites for profit.

    Q's Sis

    1. No one knows. No one can get on there.

    2. That's an excellent observation.

  13. WOW fuck WOW! Reading these emails reminds me so very much of how my exHPD/NPD writes. It's that bumper car style of writing that is everywhere, yet gets nowhere. It's peppered with mea culpas, excuses, self agrandizing, inflated ego, ingratiation and flirtation. And when that doesn't garner the attention and narc supply; they simply resort to "Okay, fine, be that way. I don't like you anyway!". Fuckity, fuck, fucks!

  14. Never let it be said that I confused their psychobabble posts with anything but what they are. A back handed way to publicly mock those that didn't fall inline with their forum building step-ford like existence. Yet still give them plausible deniability if the aura of pettiness descended upon their saintly heads.
    You can't tell me that some chick approaching middle aged who's life has been reduced to hiding under her bed with a lap top listening to her mother screaming at her through the door just has to hurry up and log on to hear the latest gems of ego-syntonic thinking dispensed from the binary queen bees of psychobabble Cali and CZ.
    The problem with the cobblepots of the world is that they are so stupid that they have no idea how stupid they are. If you are very very stupid how can you possibly realize that you are very very stupid. You would have to be relatively intelligent to realize how stupid you are.
    In order to know how good you are at something, requires exactly the same skills as it does to be good at that thing in the first place. Which means that if you are absolutely no good at something at all then you lack exactly the skills that you need to know that you are absolutely no good at it. GC
    It doesn't take a lot of intelligence to put an infant in a room and jot down which toy it picks up first.

    1. I'm pretty stupid. But I admit it.

    2. By Carlin's definition, you admitting you are stupid, makes you smart enough to realize your limitations. Which means you are not really dumb. It takes intelligence to recognize that you don't know everything.
      I think I am kind of smart. But I have done so many dumb things it boggles my mind.

  15. My, my, my. It's quite interesting to see the backdoor workings of all of this.

    At the time, I had wanted to stay neutral in all of this. But it was clear that some people refused to let that happen. You were either in or out. That if I didn't fill out my application and beg for admittance (because no one was just issuing invites, you had to go and ASK), I somehow was choosing a side.

    The process of how that went down really tipped me off that something wasn't right. And then, all the phoniness and lies and underhanded dealings came out. False identities? Posting "baiting" comments, and then tipping off the person being baited, and telling them how to react? All bullshit. I've had enough bullshit in my life. I don't have time to wade through more and figure it all out.

    I don't want to be in a club. I don't want to be told that I can't have a differing opinion. I'm not here to gather followers or uptick my stats count. I don't want to be lectured too, like I'm in a class on narcissism.

    I have gathered, by reading other's opinions, that by not choosing a side, by not standing up for CS, that I was untrustworthy.

    I said it before, and I'll say it again: CS was not a victim being persecuted. She was a grown woman engaged in a heated discussion with other adults. She didn't need people to "side" with her or "defend" her. The fact that the whole argument was qualified as an attack on her baffles me. She forced people to take a side. She refused to see how she contributed at all. And she pulled up stakes and left. I was not wrong because I didn't want to follow.

    1. You nailed it.

      I had a post detailing my personal feelings about all the people involved. I didn't mean to take sides - but I did, because by not seeing CS as always entirely saintly and divine and above reproach I was siding against her (and, incidentally, I ended up loving Jonsi much more after it, and siding WITH her because it became abundantly clear to me that she DID NOT need to be seen as always entirely saintly and divine and above reproach).

      The whole incident taught me a lot.

      I don't have to endure cognitive dissonance. If someone's behavior is fishy, I'm allowed not to automatically trust them. I can trust my gut. I can trust people who are trustworthy and have proven to be such.

      And I'm allowed to express this.

    2. Jonsi and I had a lot of discussions about all of this, both privately and publicly on the blogs.

      She would've been the first to tell you (and she did in a post) that she could've handled some things differently. I found her to be open to me approaching her and telling her I disagreed with her. In fact, she was HAPPY that I felt I could disagree with her.

      Jonsi's tough. You better have your shit straight when dealing with her, because she has a keen ability to cut straight through bullshit. She's also kind, introspective, and thoughtful.

      I may not always agree with her approach. It may not always be the way I would do something. But I know I can ALWAYS be honest with her, that she is ALWAYS willing to work through something, and I feel confident she will always take what I have to say into consideration. We can agree to disagree, and I love her for that.

      And PA, I never saw you be anything less than gracious and honest during this kerfuffle either. You were honest and open with your feelings and spoke them in a respectful way, and I highly respected that.

      Like you, I've learned a lot from this whole incident.

  16. Hi guys - just want to let you know I've been running around a lot today because the kids are all sick and in need of doctor's visits/prescriptions/extra love (you know the drill) so between errands and sick baby stuff I'm just pushing all the comments through. I'll be back later tonight for more in depth discussion.

    Great to see you all here joining in the discussion, or just reading. I'm glad we can all shine light on the darkness together.

  17. Jonsi,
    This is the post that I've been waiting for from you on this. Your analysis of the whole situation is, as always, spot on to the TRUTH, and I dig that 'bout 'choo baby!
    I had no idea that the craziness was being played out in email as well as on public blogs, but I can't say that I'm at all surprised.

    Crazy is as crazy does. CS and CZBZ are a pair of self-promoting, seriously disturbed thesaurus owners willing to go to any length to secure places on their self-identified thrones of adulation. I wonder when they'll realize that their audience is split between and turn on each other?

    I like what PA said up there: this whole thing has helped me to realize that I can trust my own instincts too. Thanks, biatches! Let's get it on is right.

    Hope your babbies feel better soon mama.


  18. "thesaurus owners" HAHAHAH. I can't spell worth a shit, but my vocabulary is pretty impressive and I often needed a dictionary to get through some of the posts. I'm all for big words, but it disturbs the flow if I'm looking up every other word.

    I think part of the reason this situation was so complex is that it was played out behind the scenes so much. Nobody had the whole story or the whole picture.

  19. ^Yeah, exactly, Jessie. I had no idea either about all the behind the scenes stuff. But what I saw in front of my screen was a bunch of shuckin' and jivin' along with the very selective "editing" and that was enough for me.
    IMO, CZ never SAW the original Posts, Comments etc. and rushed in to "save" CS after much that had been visible suddenly vanished. Sooner or later we all mentor someone(s) whether it's our own kids or in our Professional world. Allowing people (adults particularly) an opportunity to climb out of the hole in which they dug themselves instead of rushing in to rescue them is not only an important learning experience for them, it fosters INdependence, demonstrates respect and confidence in their abilities and keeps you from looking foolish particularly when you don't have all the facts. Or in this case, the documentary evidence which was conveniently removed by CS.

    1. "shuckin' and jivin'". EXACTLY. And I love that you described it that way.

      There was just so much magic and disappearing acts, and secret rabbits hidden in holes.

    2. All to make someone look blameless while scapegoating others. Total N stuff.

      Q's Sis

  20. Jonsi, I think it's a good thing to put this behind the scenes info out there, revealing that Cal was orchestrating and controlling others, particularly by advising people take down their blogs and comments, using fear as a club, and making a point of instigating hurt and arguments while maintaining a faux saintliness and offering a dubious "safe haven" on her private blog, where she further fosters exclusiveness, fear amd brainwashing, all disguised as academic discourse and ass kissing.

    Cal's actions are akin to the family secrets that my parents expected me to keep. To the point that I believed they were perfect and I was just a willful, hugely flawed excuse of a daughter. Pulling myself out of it has been years. Cali preyed on those still living in fear of who they could be if freed from a puppeteer.

    Lots of ACoNs fear confrontation and the volatility of our narc parents, especially early in recovery. So Cal's seemingly measured, coldly academic responses would appeal to those living in that fear. Meanwhile, our own anger can seem frightening. Busting the status quo of their lives is frightening for an ACoN. I'd bet most of Cal's followers are still hanging onto hope that their parents will change and/or accept them. They are trying to apply reason and pseudo-zen to a problem that is neither reasonable or easily chased away by logic and rudimentary philosophy. Cali's followers simply replaced their narcissistic monsters with a hydra with all sorts of double-speaking heads.

    If those followers hadn't attacked some of the good people I've found in my year and a half in the ACoN community, I might feel more sympathy for them. But I've lost my tolerance for those who enable the egos of narcissists. They've chosen to feed the hydra.

    1. Oooh, hats off to you Vi. That was very well said.

    2. VR you are brilliant and nailed it, as has everyone sharing their perceptions and assessments. It has been so divisive because the stakes are actually pretty high when it comes to recovery and we require honesty and integrity to transcend the legacies of our N families. Loving this discussion.

  21. Following her outing, it was an interesting lesson on how CS chose her victims and those she sucked into her dysfunctional vortex.

    My bullshit meter is set on zero tolerance these day and I voiced my feelings of disgust at what she pulled on upsi, yet she didn't come after me.

    The bitch carefully selected those that were early in recovery or just beginning to question their family dynamic. Why? Those poor buggers still gave off the victim vibe and could easily be knocked down and manipulated by not only their families but the likes of CS.

    A wise member of my support group told my to get up off the fucking floor if I didn't like being a doormat. The NGC got the shock of his life when he recently came stalking and found me standing upright and in his face!

    So fellow ACoNs, the lesson is, even if you're not quite there yet, it's helpful to throw up a "Don't mess with this bitch" boundary/facade to ward off the assholes of this world.

    Fuck 'em!

  22. Wow. I had no idea all of this was going on. I remember the Charity blow-up, but I had no idea about all these other conflicts. I don't know how I missed all this.

    I don't even know what camp people think I'm in (if they've thought about it at all, I mean). I've just been commenting and reading on all the same blogs as before.

    Yikes. Shame to see this community get so messed up and weird. :(

  23. Yep bullshit meters got set off. When someone I don't even know is telling me I shouldn't feel this or that, or say this or that, because...... why? Because they don't want me to? LMAO

    Q's Sis