Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Abuse Of Truisms

You know what's really funny to me?

What's really funny is when narcissists take something that is meaningful
and they murder it.

quotes, euphemisms, truisms, movies, songs, books,
symbols, emblems, tokens, celebrations, badges, sentiments,
awards, mottoes, collections, organizations, personifications,
insignias, icons, keepsakes, souvenirs, representations.

All murdered, at the hands of a narcissist.

Because a narcissist takes something that is pure
and crucifies it. A narcissist takes something that's
right and bends it to the left. They abuse the truth until
it just looks like nonsense and they spout clichés that
can only be understood by one who is capable of empathy.

All the narcissists I have ever known have done this, this murdering
of what they do not understand.

My mother doesn't speak in truisms. In fact, the only one that I can ever remember her using was "what goes around, comes around" which she only said on rare occasions. My mother doesn't speak in euphemisms or quotes because she comes up with her own damn way of expressing her thoughts and feelings. She doesn't need a god or a priest or a psychologist or a poet or an actor to make her look more human. But DH's mother? Well she's the Queen of Truisms. She talks of love and peace and kindness and honesty. After DH learned that she'd been having an affair, she spouted bullshit from the movie "Love Actually" as a way to excuse her behaviors. DH said she told him, "It was like in the movie, Love Actually. Love is all around." She uses tragedies to her advantage, spinning them to make herself look like a hero or a martyr or an innocent bystander or someone who is in mourning too, just like everyone else. But I submit that if she does not feel empathy for her own offspring; if she has never shown true remorse for her infidelities; if she refuses to accept that she has hurt a lot of people; if she is incapable of even the tiniest bit of self-reflection, then NMIL is nothing but a hopeless Monster.

If she talks of having inner peace, it is only because a psychopath does not feel pain even in the chaos of her own creation. She can sit by as witness to carnage and not feel one single drop of empathy.


  1. I knew a narc guy (a freaking COP) who would always say "it ain't nuthin' but a thing!" <--what in the hell does that mean? He would also, in response to something like "what do you want to do" - he would say "whatever's clever!" I was always saying uh, just because it SORT OF rhymes, doesn't mean it makes any sense.

    I absolutely hate "it is what it is!" or the other great one "at the end of the day..." sportscasters say those all the time (Jeff listens to sports radio in the car).

    Platitudes, truisms, all that crap is just another way to get out of having a real conversation. That sing-song rhyming lah-dee-dah attitude of those sayings. Makes me want to punch the person right in the throat.

  2. Loved this. It's so true! Just proves the point that narcissists 'suck' in the outside world just to spew it out again and sound smart/nice, etc. They are the kings and queens of passing off other's words as their own. They need a script to live life!

  3. My NM had all this weird shit like if you got a canker it was because you'd been lying. Then she'd accuse you of lying and hound you to know what you'd lied about.

    Then, all the smart-ass little put down sayings to prove I was ugly. "Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses."

    Fucked up old bitch! (sorry in a mood here)

    1. No problem, Mulderfan. You're allowed to be in any kind of mood you feel.

  4. "If she talks of having inner peace, it is only because a psychopath does not feel pain even in the chaos of her own creation. She can sit by as witness to carnage and not feel one single drop of empathy."

    I can't come up with something pithy...so...
    amen. That is all.

    oh. ps: I find that the N's in my life always spout those off TO people, what others need to be doing, thinking, believing, not as something they believe or need to learn of themselves.

  5. The struggle I had with the use of truisms is that it gave the impression the narcissist understood. It was a real eyeopener when I realized they could quote it, but they didn't live it.

    1. That's what always gets me, Judy. That they say it but they never live it. They say these things in most cases because they sound good. They think it's what people are supposed to say and how people are supposed to live, but they have no intention of living what they say so it's all just another act.

      They think it makes them look wise. I think it's also another way of trying to tell people that, at the end of the day, they're the perfect ones - it's everyone else who doesn't follow the platitudes of life. Narcissists often seem to place themselves as mentors, leaders. Dare I say, gods.

  6. Not to mention the lack of genuine compassion. Exhibit A: Her choice of a morbidly obese, lazy, over-indulged, whine-ass skank for a wife for her "DS." Gawd, nothing like condemning your child to a continuing life time of hell. Nothing says, "I love you, DS" quite like setting YOUR sights for a potential wife so low he'd have to be blind, deaf and dumb to even consider such a mess of a monstrosity as Exhibit A. Of course, that ensures NMIL can always feel superior while standing next to the Great White Whale "Wife" with a brain even smaller then her's. And equally as superficial and childish.
    Because the NPs are unable to formulate an original thought they rely on "others" as a part of their N-persona "Mask."
    Then they open their mouths and it's all over.

    1. Yes TW. They appear intelligent.
      Then they open their mouths and ruin the effect.

  7. My mother wasn't enough of a conversationalist to come up with cliche's. She would spew the most out of kilter "platitudes" about subjects she should really shut up about.
    Like this:
    I don't know why they are ruining all those priests lives for having sex with boys. We all know boys like it any way they can get it.

  8. I love this, it makes so much sense! The way they can cause so much hurt to a person they 'love' that are their 'family' and be happy with themselves and the results of their behaviours and say how fine and okay they are with it. While i sit and wonder why they are this way to me. yet it makes me feel pretty good that I'm not that way, able to hear I hurt someone and put it back on them or disregard it. I can apologise, I can admit I'm wrong, try to see the other side - which feels good because then I'm not like them.

  9. Jonsi-wonsi!
    Great insight in this post; yet another way that Narcs talk the talk while making sure that they don't have to walk the walk. (Sorry, I couldn't help it. :))

    I love truisms, and I speak in them a lot when they're appropriate. I had a little debate with myself about it and asked, "Self, what's the difference between the way that you use aphorisms and cliches and the way that narcs talk about being the change they want to see in the world and loving their inner child?"

    And my answer is this: I speak from my heart and sometimes the most efficient way to express that is with a little saying. It's me, it's my genuine way of being. Sort of like a worry stone that others might carry in their pocket, I have a little bundle of catch phrases with me always that I can pull out in a moment of need to *remind me of the truth at the heart of the truism,* particularly when it comes to tools for maintaining sobriety. That's where I need to remind myself that it IS hard to fall of the middle of a thing and that life really IS lived one day at a time.

    The difference, I think, is in the sincerity of the use, though. If you asked me what I meant by that, we're going to have a great conversation about what that little slogan or cliche stands for *TO ME*, how it relates to my greater philosophical/moral standing as an individual in the world. Ask a Narc what they mean by that and they'll tell you to google it or scoff that you don't already know exactly what they mean, or tell you that god helps those who help themselves or that Rome wasn't built in a day.

    It comes down to authenticity, doesn't it? And they, like any other form of parasite, are only good at being mimics of the day's chosen host.


  10. Off the top of my head, I can't think of too many cliches my mother has yanked out, although I'm sure she has. Most of the time it was hurling crap at me to keep me in line, like "curiosity killed the cat" and "always follow the golden rule."

    I think my mother was too lazy, like Q's mom. She'd rather make up nonsense shit out of her own rule book than tip her hat to the wisdom of any philosopher or intellectual.