You fucking bet we can. Count on it.
I really dig something that Ben says in the video at the end of this post, and that was that we don't owe our lives to our parents, we owe our lives to our futures.
Toxic parents can try to ruin our lives. Boundary-pushing parents...can drive us to distraction. They still try to treat us like we’re children in need of mommies and daddies who know better than we do. They try to control our lives so that we’ll make the right decisions, get over our fatal flaws and be successful — according to their standards.
Boundary-pushing parents try to do things we don’t need or we want to do ourselves. They expect us to answer their calls and texts immediately. If we don’t, they’ll call a hundred times until we do. They drop in unannounced at inconvenient times and demand to be welcomed. They misinterpret everything.
They use fear; if we don’t do what they say, we’ll fail in love or work.
They use blame, shame and guilt to force us to do things their way. If we don’t do what they want, we’re not showing the proper love and respect.
Also, they want to train us that the price of not doing what they want is endless harassment, arguments and abuse...They want to convince us that we should give in to them in order to avoid the arguments. They are bullies who use all the bullying tactics of both overt and covert bullies. Most boundary-pushing parents won’t stop because we’ve talked about our desires...They’ve gotten their way by wearing us down, so they’ll continue doing what they’ve always done. We’ll have to act to make the boundaries real; that is, we will have to train them with positive and negative reinforcement.