Thursday, January 31, 2013

27

Today is my birthday and I am happy. Happy because I have everything I have always dreamed of having and it is a blissful life. My closest friends and loved ones still email me and call to wish me well. My dad called this morning to sing happy birthday to me. My best friend invited us over for dinner and I made pink and blue and purple mini cupcakes for our kids to decorate. DD was giddy with excitement while I was putting the cupcakes in the oven. "Are we going to have a birthday party for me?" She asked. I explained to her that today it's my birthday, but that I will gladly share my birthday cupcakes with her and we could have a little party at her aunt and uncle's house. I think she's most excited to decorate the cupcakes. When I asked her if she wanted to, she said, "Oh, yes. I think that's a good idea Mama." She wanted to see each one of the trays before I put them in the oven.

Her excitement reminds me of what it was like to be a little girl. It was a magical time. Everything was full of wonder and pixy dust. Now, DD is full of those things and it never ceases to amaze me: how beautiful this life is, how quickly it's flying by, how important it is to me to enjoy every moment of it. I love it, all of it. I have chosen this life for myself and I am proud of it. As I near thirty, I'm keeping in mind what my mother has always said about each stage of life: there is something good in each milestone. From birth to death, there is something to enjoy and something to look forward to. Twenty seven will be a good year for me. DH and I are looking forward to growing our family, and we've reached new milestones in our marriage. We're working hard to build a more solid foundation for ourselves and our children. I believe we are succeeding.

As for me, specifically, my only plans today are to clean my house, have dinner with my brothers and parents, decorate cupcakes with the kiddles, and come home and open a few presents with DH. It's nothing extravagant, but it doesn't have to be. It's my life and I love it just the way it is.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Abstract

If you were only an idea to begin with, did you ever really exist? 
When you walk away from the madness, will they even feel your absence?
Or will they go on living as though you were never there at all?
Oh you exist. Just not in the way they want you to.
They'll live, feeding off of their memories, sucking the soul out of 
your dream self that only exists in their heads. Forever.
While the real you walks this earth, experiencing
love and happiness. They can not touch the real you.
They can not even imagine your life now, for you are protected
by the wild magic of Authenticity, while they are locked 
in their own dungeons of despair, slowly dying of a self-inflicted
disease called Deception. The real you is made of light and water.
Eventually, they will die of thirst, yearning for a taste of you.
But all they'll ever have is the shriveled version
of what you once were to keep them company.

Monday, January 28, 2013

They'll Eat You

a ring of salt will not protect you
from the poison in your cup
or the shadow man at your door

there is no alternate ending
you're just falling down the spiral
staircase in her eyes
that leads to an abyss

it's a fairytale gone wrong
where the wolves weep
when the sheep in their mouths
say mean things

the only thing you can do
is run
and hide

Vignette: Time

Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity
- Simone Weil

As far as I can tell, time is an important part of the equation of unconditional love. Without it, my mother would not have put together a special basket in her pantry labeled "DS" containing his own crackers and breads and snacks for whenever he comes to visit, or coconut-based ice cream in the fridge at her house on any given day for him so that he won't feel left out when everyone else is having ice cream that he can't have, or found a way to make home made fudge and fudge sauce for him. Without time, there could have been no thought given for saving our special childhood treasures so that we could pass them along to our own kids: my Where The Fern Grows books and Mortimer Snerd doll and Pee Wee Herman board game and music boxes that play beautiful but unrecognizable tunes and Quiga boards and Tarot cards and tigers eye rocks tumbled smooth by Dad. Time spent willingly then yielded miles and miles of memories, a road map of happiness through my past. That's what my mother and father have passed on to me: the gift of time. They gave me time and showed me how to give mine. I remember playing catch with Dad in the backyard for hours. No matter how much he sweated or how bad his knees hurt, he caught my pitches until I was done practicing. He never missed a game, even if I was on the bench. He played chess with my little brother, took my big brother to the rifle range, brought middle brother to the soccer field. He gave us his time.

Everywhere I look, I see it. Every memory I have, it's there. I remember one very specific conversation with my mother in which we discussed every single person in my family - each of their strengths and limitations, their dysfunctions and behaviors - including but not limited to ourselves, members of my father's extended family, all of my mother's siblings, all of my grandmother's siblings, and each one of my fifteen cousins. My mother remembers that conversation too. We think I was about twelve years old. It wasn't gossip. It was bonding over curiosity and truths shared. We talked that day for hours, just because I wanted to know. It certainly wasn't the only conversation we ever had like that, but probably because of the length of time we spent talking that day, it stands out in my mind as being significant.

My mother put all of her time into us, her children and her family. And that made her genuinely happy. I never doubted that as a child; that my mother loved being our mother. If she hadn't had issues conceiving, she would have had more children, which was why she adopted MB (Middle Brother). She wanted more children. And having more children never took away her willingness or ability to give each and every one of us what we needed. My mother could have had ten biological children, and I know I still would have felt the same. As it was, she had four children of her own and cared for dozens of others over the years.

My mother can do anything: she is clever and insightful and creative. DH has always been in awe of how much my mother is able to do. She sews and paints and cooks and gardens and builds things. She doesn't flinch an eye at picking up a power tool, or climbing a ladder, or driving a truck with wheels that are taller than she is. Once, when she was giving DH a haircut, he asked her, "Is there anything you can't do?" My mom paused, scissors in hand, contemplating. She started cutting again and said, "Well, I can't sing opera." Aside from that, I've always known my mother could do anything. Absolutely anything. She's the strongest person I know. I would trust her with my life. I would trust her with what is the most important thing to me in the whole world: the lives of my children.

Growing up, I knew several adults who came from backgrounds of severe abuse and dysfunction; they were contemporaries and peers of my parents, who said they had wished she could have been their mother. Some of my friends often said the same.

And what I always come up with is that the one thing that was always present was my parent's choice to give us their time, willingly and joyfully. My parents don't do much of anything without thinking about their children and grandchildren. They are selfless and kind and generous.

Friday, January 25, 2013

The Difference

I don't know who this woman is but I have decided to devote a small portion of my free time to finding out:

"The difference between my darkness and your darkness is that I can look at my own badness in the face and accept its existence while you are busy covering your mirror with a white linen sheet. The difference between my sins and your sins is that when I sin I know I'm sinning while you have actually fallen prey to your own fabricated illusions. I am a siren, a mermaid; I know that I am beautiful while basking on the ocean's waves and I know that I can eat flesh and bones at the bottom of the sea. You are a white witch, a wizard; your spells are manipulations and your cauldron from hell yet you wrap yourself in white and wear a silver wig."

- C. Joybell C.

Thoughts And Updates

- I haven't had as much time lately to read or write on my blog due to my little ones being on alternating nap schedules (which means that someone is always awake while someone else is sleeping). Nap time was previously my best time for such endeavors, but it's temporarily been lost to the Gods of Sleep. Until everyone is on the same nap schedule again, I may be pressed for time but I wanted everyone to know I'm still around.

- Since EFIL and L's shitty cards to our children, we have not heard a peep out of NMIL and Co. though we all know it's only a matter of time before they attempt some form of fuckery once again. I've come to the conclusion that, until they lose sight of us, they die, or we die, they'll never stop hunting us. But you know, I'm beginning to find peace in all of this madness, even with that realization made. Last week, DH and I were discussing which one of our many house projects we wanted to tackle next, and one of the major ones was replacing one of our fences and fencing in the rest of our yard. I was picturing what our sparkling new fence would look like (complete with a cute little gate and pergola) and it made me feel safer. I know a fence isn't going to actually keep anyone out who means us harm, but it's the symbol of it, I think, that made me feel that way. I felt that building a fence around the perimeter of our yard was not unlike each of the boundaries we've been putting in place over the years with DH's family. And the more time that passes and the more we work on, the better we get at keeping our family safe and DH's family OUT.

- I was thinking, once again, about EFIL and L's continued efforts to inform us that DH's step-siblings now have kids of their own (for shit's sake, she wrote it in each one of their birthday/Christmas cards), and I discovered another angle on it that I hadn't previously considered. DH has told me many times before that he always felt like an outsider around his father's life with L and her kids, and I bore witness to that many times when we still had a relationship with them. What struck me as intriguing about L's repetition that DD and DS had new cousins was that, given how much of an outsider DH always was, it's unlikely that even if we still had some semblance of a relationship with them, L's adult kids would probably not have made it a priority for their kids to form any sort of lasting bonds with ours. And here's the thing, DH went NC with his father and step-mother. He didn't go NC with his step-siblings. He didn't really need to. They'd never had a much of a relationship anyway. But, even knowing that, it still pisses me off that they didn't care enough themselves to reach out to us in any way. I'm not surprised by it, really. They certainly aren't strong enough people to go against their own ignorant, manipulative, pushy mother. I think the real reason why it pisses me off so much is that there has never been one damn person from DH's entire past who has ever proven that they really loved or cared about him. And while I sometimes wonder why L's kids never reached out to him to tell him the "big" news, I just as quickly realize that it's only more proof how little they wanted DH in their lives anyway. Anyway, my guess is that L mentioned our "nieces and nephews" in each of their recent cards to our kids as insurance just in case we decided to open only one of the cards. It was obvious that L was only making (constant) mention of their existence for purely manipulative purposes. I had realized it was a manipulation tactic before, I just hadn't realized how deep it really went.

- I recently came to another conclusion about something: that had I ever met DH's NF under different circumstances, I still would have gotten as far away from him as possible, though not before picketing his causes and writing a persuasive essay in effort to enlighten innocent children that they should never be alone with him. In my opinion, the man is an ignorant, hypocritical, bible-thumping, manipulative, cruel, vindictive, bigot with a Doctorate in Lunacy. And the only thing worse than THAT is NMIL.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Keep Off The Grass

A note to estranged parents: Guys, I just wanna give you a heads-up here. You know, to save you the trouble of leaving stupid comments on my blog that read like jokes to me and are worth nothing more than the wave of a hand and the blow of a raspberry before I go on about my business: If you're planning on using stale rhetoric to try and convince anyone here that you are right, that your estranged adult child is nothing but a spoiled brat who doesn't respect you or deserve your respect, or that the entirety of "this generation" (which is really funny considering that I know quite a few people from different generations who are dealing with estrangements from their parents) is spoiled and narcissistic and therefore crazy in any decisions they make to leave their FOOs, then consider yourself warned: I'm telling you now that if you come here posting shit that sounds anything like that, it will be published but dismissed.

Consider the following arguments already noted and for the love of all that's holy, just keep it to yourself. I've already heard this shit and it's getting really, really old:

- None of us could possibly know our parents or in-laws enough to know if they are capital-E "Evil."
- The words and actions of a parent or in-law are not a good indication of who they are and should therefore not be assessed accordingly.
- All parents and in-laws deserve respect no matter what
- All "kids" of "this generation" were handed their lives on a silver platter
- Most estranged adult sons and daughters are selfish, immature, and narcissistic
- Estranged adult sons and daughters (and their spouses and offspring) should offer forgiveness to whomever the estranged parents see fit
- Estranged adults owe it to their parents, and in some cases siblings, to abandon their own "perceived" truths and realities in order to fit back into whatever mold their parents created for them
- If an adult son is estranged, it's probably mostly due to his crazy, narcissistic, manipulative wife, who tore him away from everyone he loved and all of his friends and other people who "really" care about him. (And vice versa for estranged adult daughters)
- We should be ashamed of ourselves, because you say so
- It would be fantastic if our children "abandon" us the way we've "abandoned" you
- All estranged adults are heathens for not believing in their parents' god
- Everything is to blame for the estrangement, except for the the parent or the history of the parent/child relationship or parent/DIL or SIL relationship
- We're too insensitive or are making a mountain out of a molehill, merely taking note of every "perceived" slight as a way to gather evidence against our parents/in-laws to keep them at bay
- Estranged adult kids and their spouses must clearly be expecting perfection (whatever that means) from their parents
- We should just accept that our parents or in-laws 'did the best they could' and let go of our petty and trivial "excuses" for "leaving the family."
- Estranged adult kids would be better off divorcing their spouses and allowing their parents full access to their children
- We were not abused, disrespected, devalued, dejected, disregarded, or unloved in any way, shape or form
- Most estranged parents or in-laws were "too good" or "too nice" or "too loving" to their adult sons and daughters
- Estranged adult kids and their spouses are just bullies, who did not (I repeat did not) learn it, or any other undesirable behaviors, from their parents
- Adult children owe "common courtesy" to their parents, which means that when an estranged parent shows up unannounced and uninvited at their child's door, the child is obligated to open it and welcome them with open arms
- Adult children should drop everything (including their spouses and children) and run whenever their parents need them
- Anything important to the parent transcends anything that could possibly be important to the adult child
- If the term "I'm sorry" has ever been uttered, spoken, or thought, the estranged adult child should accept it and move back in with his parents immediately, no questions asked; if it has not been mentioned, the estranged adult child should accept that he doesn't deserve it
- The estranged adult child has no right to ask any questions, and if he does, he should understand that he doesn't deserve any answers
- A form letter is a great indication of how hard an estranged parent is trying to connect with his or her adult son or daughter
- Estranged adult children were all raised with love, kindness, and happiness, even if the adult child says otherwise. In cases where the adult child was "legitimately" abused...it always could have been worse.
- If the adult child experienced any turmoil in his or her childhood, either real or "imagined," it's just inevitable and should be dismissed
- Estranged parents had it worse than their kids
- Truisms are awesome and should be used to maintain a false front of intelligence, wisdom, and purity
- GOD, and therefore, come back to the FOO

I could go on, but hopefully you get my point.

Actually, chances are you won't get my point at all and you'll find loopholes in what I'm saying here, but whatever. My point is this: leave comments like the examples I've given above and find yourself an Open Your Eyes and See pariah. I'll read it. I'll even publish it.

But inside, I'll be laughing like hell. 'Cause you sound like a moron. Quit crapping on my lawn.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Fuck The Fuck Off

A Contest Of Wills

The following are excerpts from Ben Leichtling's Bullies Be Gone. Click the link for the full article. I love this guy, I love his work, and I think his advice consists of realistic goals. DH and I tried most of the positive and negative tactics of reinforcement with his parents that Ben describes below, to no avail. But I still enjoy reading his informative posts. I'm reminded so much of what DH and I went through with his parents, and to some extent what we're still going through. We've entered into a contest of wills with the opposing side. Now, it's about endurance. Can we maintain our boundaries longer than they'll try to break them?

You fucking bet we can. Count on it.

I really dig something that Ben says in the video at the end of this post, and that was that we don't owe our lives to our parents, we owe our lives to our futures.

Toxic parents can try to ruin our lives.  Boundary-pushing parents...can drive us to distraction.  They still try to treat us like we’re children in need of mommies and daddies who know better than we do.  They try to control our lives so that we’ll make the right decisions, get over our fatal flaws and be successful — according to their standards.

Boundary-pushing parents try to do things we don’t need or we want to do ourselves.  They expect us to answer their calls and texts immediately.  If we don’t, they’ll call a hundred times until we do.  They drop in unannounced at inconvenient times and demand to be welcomed.  They misinterpret everything.
They use fear; if we don’t do what they say, we’ll fail in love or work.

They use blame, shame and guilt to force us to do things their way.  If we don’t do what they want, we’re not showing the proper love and respect.

Also, they want to train us that the price of not doing what they want is endless harassment, arguments and abuse...They want to convince us that we should give in to them in order to avoid the arguments. They are bullies who use all the bullying tactics of both overt and covert bullies. Most boundary-pushing parents won’t stop because we’ve talked about our desires...They’ve gotten their way by wearing us down, so they’ll continue doing what they’ve always done.  We’ll have to act to make the boundaries real; that is, we will have to train them with positive and negative reinforcement.

  • Don’t argue, debate or justify.  Don’t answer “why” questions.  Don’t be moved by guilt or threats (like they’ll cut you out of the will).  Simply tell them the way people have to act in order to get into your personal space.
  • Reward them when they follow the rules; whether they follow the timing or they act polite and civil instead of angry and manipulative in word or deed.
  • Apply consequences when they don’t follow the rules.  Stay calm and even laughing when you don’t answer or you hang up the phone – especially in mid-harangue.  The same for text messages.  You may have to un-friend your parents.  You may have to close the door when they show up unannounced.  You may have to control holiday or vacation times.  The more they violate the rules, the further away you distance them.
  • Resist when they get relatives and friends involved to twist your arm.  Test these people; if they try to force you, they can’t be in your circle.  You can only keep people who act the way you need.  You may have to move away physically – at least a thousand miles.
  • Be more persistent than they are; this is an endurance contest. 
  • Wednesday, January 16, 2013

    Music Is My God

    It's in my soul. 
    When I'm standing at the kitchen sink,
    doing the dishes,
    dreaming
    of fighting demons.
    I make their shadows shrink.
    All without having to wipe
    their blood
    or the soap suds
    off my hands.
    I watch the pink water
    drain.
    This is my soundtrack.

    No seriously. I was listening to Dream Theater when I was doing the dishes today.
    And it was awesome. 



    Dream Theater
    Take the Time

    Hold it now...wait a minute...come on... whew..."
    Just let me catch my breath...
    I've heard the promises
    I've seen the mistakes
    I've had my fair share of tough breaks
    I need a new voice, a new law, a new way
    Take the time, reevaluate
    It's time to pick up the pieces,
    Go back to square one
    I think it's time for a change

    There is something that I feel
    To be something that is real
    I feel the heat within my mind
    And craft new changes with my eyes
    Giving freely wandering promises
    A place with decisions I'll fashion
    I won't waste another breath

    [Chorus:]
    You can feel the waves coming on
    (It's time to take the time)
    Let them destroy you or carry you on
    (It's time to take the time)
    You're fighting the weight of the world
    But no one can save you this time
    Close your eyes
    You can find all you need in your mind

    The unbroken spirit
    Obscured and disquiet
    Finds clearness this trial demands
    And at the end of this day sighs an anxious relief
    For the fortune lies still in his hands

    If there's a pensive fear, a wasted year
    A man must learn to cope
    If his obsession's real,
    Suppression that he feels must turn to hope

    Life is no more assuring than love
    (It's time to take the time)
    There are no answers from voices above
    (It's time to take the time)
    You're fighting the weight of the world
    And no one can save you this time
    Close your eyes
    You can find all that you need in your mind

    I close my eyes
    And feel the water rise around me
    Drown in the beat of time
    Let my senses fall away
    I can see much clearer now, I'm blind
    Adesso che ho perso la vista,
    Ci vedo meglio e di piu

    [Chorus]
    Find all you need in your mind
    If you take the time
    Find all you need in your mind
    If you take the time

    Tuesday, January 15, 2013

    Abuse Of Truisms

    You know what's really funny to me?

    What's really funny is when narcissists take something that is meaningful
    and they murder it.

    quotes, euphemisms, truisms, movies, songs, books,
    symbols, emblems, tokens, celebrations, badges, sentiments,
    awards, mottoes, collections, organizations, personifications,
    insignias, icons, keepsakes, souvenirs, representations.

    All murdered, at the hands of a narcissist.

    Because a narcissist takes something that is pure
    and crucifies it. A narcissist takes something that's
    right and bends it to the left. They abuse the truth until
    it just looks like nonsense and they spout clichés that
    can only be understood by one who is capable of empathy.

    All the narcissists I have ever known have done this, this murdering
    of what they do not understand.

    My mother doesn't speak in truisms. In fact, the only one that I can ever remember her using was "what goes around, comes around" which she only said on rare occasions. My mother doesn't speak in euphemisms or quotes because she comes up with her own damn way of expressing her thoughts and feelings. She doesn't need a god or a priest or a psychologist or a poet or an actor to make her look more human. But DH's mother? Well she's the Queen of Truisms. She talks of love and peace and kindness and honesty. After DH learned that she'd been having an affair, she spouted bullshit from the movie "Love Actually" as a way to excuse her behaviors. DH said she told him, "It was like in the movie, Love Actually. Love is all around." She uses tragedies to her advantage, spinning them to make herself look like a hero or a martyr or an innocent bystander or someone who is in mourning too, just like everyone else. But I submit that if she does not feel empathy for her own offspring; if she has never shown true remorse for her infidelities; if she refuses to accept that she has hurt a lot of people; if she is incapable of even the tiniest bit of self-reflection, then NMIL is nothing but a hopeless Monster.

    If she talks of having inner peace, it is only because a psychopath does not feel pain even in the chaos of her own creation. She can sit by as witness to carnage and not feel one single drop of empathy.

    #outwiththeoldinwiththeold

    Whenever I'm in need of a laugh, all I have to do is read Exhibit A's tweets and I find myself in a fit of hysterics. Roll the dice, spin the wheel, pick one or ten at random. It's likely there aren't many people out there who could stomach reading them all, but if you have five minutes and you want to laugh out loud, go ahead and read the thoughts of the brainless wonder. It seems to me that this girl has made for one spectacular puppet. I'm waiting for the day NMIL reaches out to my husband to let him know that the "one he could have had" is pregnant.

    I don't believe in God. But I'd be willing to reconsider my beliefs if someone stops this walking horror from ever having children.

    August 31, 2012
    What the fuckkk

    August 31, 2012
    Fuck you bitchhhhh

    August 31, 2012
    My shirt popped open at the bank. #bigboobsproblems

    August 31, 2012
    Someone should start a wine delivery service #ButReally #Convenient

    August 31, 2012
    Drinking with my chooches.

    August 31, 2012
    I would have a fever...

    August 31, 2012
    I'm a great story teller..

    August 31, 2012
    my friends & I have many sexcapade stories. #goodtimes

    September 2, 2012
    I get disappointed when I text someone last night, expecting a response in the morning & there's nothing..

    September 2, 2012
    I need a nap..

    September 2, 2012
    The smartest thing I ever did was make you all mine. :) #lifeofaprincess

    September 2, 2012
    Headache <

    September 3, 2012
    Cranky bitch I need more sleep.

    September 3, 2012
    I feel shitty today.

    September 3, 2012
    Getting cranky

    September 3, 2012
    I'm so impatient.

    September 3, 2012
    What is wrong with meeeeee

    September 3, 2012
    #waystopissmeoff don't text me back.

    September 4, 2012
    You fucking serious?

    September 4, 2012
    This is all a bunch of bullshit.

    September 4, 2012
    Listening to our wedding song & bawling my eyes out. #lametweet…I wish I could relive that day/night forever. (minus the whole consuming too much alcohol part.. Hah)

    September 4, 2012
    That was a nice mini nap. #neededthat

    September 4, 2012
    Apparently it's everyone's job to make me angry today. #stfu

    September 4, 2012
    You are getting on my LAST nerve.

    September 4, 2012
    I need my nails done…

    September 5, 2012
    Tummy aches while trying to sleep <<<<

    September 5, 2012
    I think I have more bruises than freckles right now... #plateletproblems

    September 6, 2012
    Just realized something... I've never been hired by a woman. Always a man.

    September 6, 2012
    I'd do anything to go back to bed right now. Or at least have someone bring me Starbucks. #PrincessTreatment

    September 6, 2012
    In need of some prayers today...[followed by lots and lots of tweets about her vacation to the beach]

    September 7, 2012
    I could use a nap... [followed by lots and lots more tweets about her vacation at the beach]

    September 7, 2012
    Awful heartburn right now...

    September 8, 2012
    Fucking serious?!

    September 8, 2012
    I have really high standards.

    September 8, 2012
    Broke out in hives. What the fuckkk

    September 8, 2012
    Finally going to sleep at a relatively normal time. #exhausted

    September 9, 2012
    Feeling so sick this morning…

    September 9, 2012
    Pretty sure I should be hospitalized for being this dehydrated…

    September 10, 2012
    Is it too early to have a shot or two..?

    September 10, 2012
    Today = [thumbs down]

    September 10, 2012
    Love catching men staring at my boobs.... #really

    September 11, 2012
    Sweet nap. Kind of want to sleep until I have to get up tomorrow though...

    September 11, 2012
    In a funky mood... #wtf

    September 12, 2012
    As we grow up we don't lose friends. We just learn who our real ones are.

    September 12, 2012
    Is it nap time yet?

    September 12, 2012
    Confident but insecure.

    September 13, 2012
    Ugh I feel like shit this morning...

    September 13, 2012
    People mistake me being nice as flirting.. #seriously

    September 13, 2012
    Quit blowing me off... Seriously. #ugh

    September 13, 2012
    Cool.. I'll be working 6 days a week. 5am-1pm. I'm going to constantly be tired...

    September 13, 2012
    Never napping again. It always puts me in a bad mood

    September 13, 2012
    Fe fi fum fo, I smell the stank of a stank ass ho.

    September 14, 2012
    What the fuck.. Why does my mouth taste like cigarettes? #gross

    September 14, 2012
    I need a beer & it's only 9:15.

    September 14, 2012
    Love how I'm good friends with everyone AFTER I leave my old job.. Lmao #whatevs

    September 14, 2012
    My hair is so soft. Why isn't it being played with?

    September 14, 2012
    Okay last thing. I hate when people don't text back!  #annoying #itsnothard

    September 15, 2012
    That was a beautiful 5 hour nap

    September 15, 2012
    I need a massage.

    September 16, 2012
    Ugh seriously? Stop being an asshole.

    September 16, 2012
    Head is killing me :(

    September 17, 2012
    Finally getting the wedding pictures today!!!!!!... my internet is being awfulllllllllll right now. i need to see my wedding pictures! been waiting a month!! sheesh.

    September 17, 2012
    I have this weird empty feeling..? #wtf #butwhy

    September 17, 2012
    #stressed

    September 17, 2012
    Worst mood

    September 17, 2012
    I need a new wardrobe.

    September 17, 2012
    You need a role model? Fuck it, you can play the role…

    September 17, 2012
    It feels like I need an inhaler. #ugh #cantbreathe

    September 18, 2012
    I feel like shittttt.

    September 19, 2012
    [Lots and lots of pics from her wedding last month]

    September 19, 2012
    Holy hell my wrist hurts!!

    September 19, 2012
    Not exactly how I wanted to start my day!.. .not a happy camper today....

    September 19, 2012
    legit just want to cry... so fucking doneee.. :(

    September 19, 2012
    Just because YOU don't like someone doesn't mean I don't and will be rude to them #whoraisedyou

    September 19, 2012
    oh lord, have mercy on my soul..

    September 19, 2012
    Bitch, come at me. #ididntdoshit

    September 19, 2012
    Can I just be Marilyn Monroe?

    September 19, 2012
    My stomach hurts so bad...

    September 19, 2012
    Everyone has their rough spots in life. What's important is getting back up rather than staying down. [Oh, you mean like when your mother cheats on your father and then marries the guy she cheated with; who also happens to be the father of some of the people you’ve been friends with since childhood? I'm pretty sure that's the story, right? When that happens, just get up and float away. You've demonstrated that so nicely, Exhibit A.]

    September 20, 2012
    Seriously, bitches be trippin lately..

    September 20, 2012
    Pages [I] may like: Sluts. You know me so well, Facebook.

    September 20, 2012
    My idol. #marilynmonroe

    September 20, 2012
    Love. #marilynmonroe #marilyn #monroe #pinup

    September 20, 2012
    I can't even get up. #sotired #sosore

    September 20, 2012
    I have to get up before I fall asleep next to this old guy. [Umm. I take it your husband doesn’t know about this?]

    September 20, 2012
    I love getting my hair done. #lifeofaprincess

    September 20, 2012
    A back massage would be really nice right now.

    September 20, 2012
    I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how, I've never heard silence quite this loud.

    September 21, 2012
    Fuck, I'm tired..

    September 21, 2012
    I feel like I should be tired... But I'm so hyper!!!!!!

    September 21, 2012
    wait, now i feel sick.. D:

    September 21, 2012
    I mean, maybe I don't actually NEED to have that. But I want it so bad that I need it or I won't stop thinking about it.

    September 21, 2012
    My stomach constantly hurting <

    September 21, 2012
    Saw a flash of light in the sky. Thought it was lightening. There are no clouds. Is that possible? #isthatdumb

    September 21, 2012
    [A number of tweets about how she’s out late at night playing pool with a bunch of guys from work. She also apparently texted other guys to come out and ‘play’ too. Interesting. Gives me the feeling that she and her new husband are probably just the “cutest” “perfect” “secure” little couple.]

    September 22, 2012
    Why am I do sick...?!?!

    September 22, 2012
    I think I'm leaving early today... #thinkimdying

    September 22, 2012
    Feeling sick again. Wtf.

    September 22, 2012
    You're so ignorant.

    September 23, 2012
    I need to not be stressed.

    September 23, 2012
    [Comment on a photo of herself]: I can think of a few people who would [want to motorboat this picture]….LMAO ooooh daddy!

    September 24, 2012
    Woke up super stressed. Whyyyyy?

    September 24, 2012
    I feel a panic attack coming soon... #gah

    September 24, 2012
    The fuuuuuuuck

    September 24, 2012
    Why do I keep having "it's one of THOSE days..." days? #notcool

    September 24, 2012
    Can I borrow some motivation from someone?

    September 24, 2012
    I hate that I have an urge to talk to you but that just isn't an option anymore.

    September 24, 2012
    Finally changing my name. #marriedlife

    September 24, 2012
    So fucking annoyed. I help people when they need help, but God forbid I need help, no one is around. #fuckyou

    September 24, 2012
    Don't mind me I'm just coughing up a lung over here

    September 24, 2012
    Love when people tell me I look skinny. #sorrynotsorry

    September 24, 2012
    So incredibly anxious!

    September 25, 2012
    Nap time yet?... I wish I could go right back to sleep.

    September 25, 2012
    Wait...... Legit?! #thefuck

    September 25, 2012
    Keep getting in these awful depressed moods. Wtf [sad face]

    September 25, 2012
    #struggling [sad face]

    September 25, 2012
    Sooooooooo tiredddddddd.......

    September 25, 2012
    My back is killingggg me..... #thefuckkk

    September 25, 2012
    Napping like woah when I get home!!!

    September 25, 2012
    Ruined.

    September 26, 2012
    My back hurts so bad, I put paper towels on the bathroom floor at work and laid down. #whatevs #ouch

    September 26, 2012
    you can be addicted to a certain kind of sadness

    September 26, 2012
    Anyone have a hot tub I can just chill in? #mybackhurts #illloveyouforever

    September 26, 2012
    I need either a) hot cocoa b) a caramel apple spice latte or c) a pumpkin latte. Who's gonna get on that for me? Thaaaanks.

    September 26, 2012
    Laying on my couch with a heating pad... #oldladystatus

    September 26, 2012
    #ImHappiestWhen everything just goes my way.

    September 26, 2012
    Dirty bit giving me nasty looks…

    September 26, 2012
    I should have walked away, but I never had the chance, everything got out of hand & I let it slide.

    September 26, 2012
    My ears have been ringing all day, someone must be thinking about me. Hahah

    September 28, 2012
    I haven't been totally honest..

    September 28, 2012
    "Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it." Psalm 34:14

    September 28, 2012
    Happy Halloween! I killed a guy & stuffed him in my trunk.

    September 28, 2012
    Bitch I will CUT YOUUUU.

    September 28, 2012
    Annoyed AF right now........

    September 29, 2012
    SO TIRED I MIGHT DIE

    September 30, 2012
    I won't worry my life away

    September 30, 2012
    Respect the people who find time for you in their busy schedule. But love people who never look at their schedule when you need them.

    September 30, 2012
    Worst headache of my life...

    September 30, 2012
    I need a baby in my life. Puppy or human. Either will do.

    September 30, 2012
    I could use a nap....

    September 30, 2012
    I like when men are protective of me. Even if it's just as a little sister #GentlemanlyDuty

    September 30, 2012
    Sick to my STOMACH....

    September 30, 2012
    Welp, my blonde routes are showing..... #dumbass

    October 1, 2012
    Really don't want to get political here.... #ignorant

    October 1, 2012
    [Pic of herself her boobs]. Yay sweaters. #sweater #stripes #boobs #monogram #bored

    October 1, 2012
    Omg so sick

    October 2, 2012
    & my back hurts again.....

    October 2, 2012
    As long as you live, you're gonna miss me, miss me..

    October 2, 2012
    My stomach hurts all the damn time. #thefuckkk

    October 2, 2012
    Rainy days always put me in a craptastic mood.. Even when I have movies & hot cocoa..

    October 2, 2012
    I will punch someone by the end of the night.

    October 3, 2012
    It's weird not being the scapegoat at work.. I like it.

    October 3, 2012
    "That is the ugliest effing skirt I have ever seen."

    October 3, 2012
    someone's throat is gonna be punched.

    October 3, 2012
    I guess my body wasn't meant to stand for 12 hours on 3 hours of sleep. #ouch #dying

    October 3, 2012
    lol at all the ignorant people right now.

    October 3, 2012
    I always tell myself I don't miss you but I do.

    October 4, 2012
    Haha, you're missing out..

    October 4, 2012
    Got myself some good news!! #tba

    October 4, 2012
    MAC is already sold out of the Marilyn collection... Aren't getting more in. I want to cry.

    October 4, 2012
    Don't say you love someone if you don't. Don't make promises you can't keep. Don't bother if you never really cared.

    October 4, 2012
    Forever alone...

    October 4, 2012
    almost done with picking the pictures for the wedding album. over 200 pictures. yikes! Hah

    October 4, 2012
    aaaaaand fuck off. #thanks

    October 5, 2012
    Someone want to go get me like, 5lbs of cream cheese?

    October 5, 2012
    Laziness and inactivity kills just as many people as smoking.

    October 5, 2012
    Not being included is probably the worst feeling ever.

    October 5, 2012
    I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong. #lifeofaprincess

    October 5, 2012
    I'm gonna need wine after this.....

    October 5, 2012
    Either I'm looking for a fight or everyone is just SUPER annoying right now...

    October 5, 2012
    Can't depend on anyone but yourself. #ugh #hateyou #goaway

    October 5, 2012
    Not only did I have to wait an hour for my Chinese food, or the fact that they lost my order, but I get home & my food isn't in the bag.

    October 5, 2012
    Fortune cookies for dinner.... yay....

    October 5, 2012
    legit worst two days of my life. I can't even.

    October 5, 2012
    I need an alcoholic beverage very soon

    October 5, 2012
    I just want to cry...

    October 5, 2012
    #lonely

    October 5, 2012
    These are the times I wish someone was here for me, I feel like I'm always the rock for others.

    October 5, 2012
    This day is awful. Going to sleep. #gotnoworkdone

    October 7, 2012
    Never been so tired in my LIFE.

    October 7, 2012
    Is it Monday so I can sleep 16 hours?!

    October 7, 2012
    Awkward.........

    October 8, 2012
    Worst headache ever..... #wtf

    October 8, 2012
    I will legit pay someone in baked goods if they're my personal dishwasher. Seriously. #takingresumes #please #illhireanyone

    October 8, 2012
    Sup bitches. #nomakeup #bored #monogram [picture of her face. She posts a lot of these. I’ll spare you having to look at it.]

    October 8, 2012
    I feel like if she knew me she'd really like me.

    October 9, 2012
    Trying to enjoy my break and there's a woman on her cell phone YELLING. Like really? None of us want to hear your pointless conversation..

    October 9, 2012
    & now I feel sick..

    October 10, 2012
    Jackass..

    October 10, 2012
    I need a nap already..

    October 10, 2012
    This girl is so dumb..

    October 10, 2012
    Today = crap

    October 10, 2012
    It's just one of those days.. Again..

    October 10, 2012
    Breaking out in hives & I have no idea why…

    October 10, 2012
    Love when I rush to leave work & get to my dr appt on time and they're late. Always 30 mins to an hour late. #cmon

    October 10, 2012
    Totally gonna get yelled at by my dr for not going to the hematologist yet.. hah oops!

    October 10, 2012
    Pretty sure I just sprained my ankle.. #wtf

    October 10, 2012
    God gives his hardest battles to his toughest soldiers.

    October 11 2012
    Can't tell if I'm sore from my workout or from falling down the stairs #lol

    October 11, 2012
    Fuck my stomach hurts..

    October 11, 2012
    Its very sad to see a friend you once had feelings for, leave your life. The worst part is, you tried but can't do anything at all.

    October 12, 2012
    I need a back massage…

    October 12, 2012
    What the fuckkkkkkk

    October 12, 2012
    Crazy bitchhh...

    October 13, 2012
    Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful #hatersgonnahate

    October 13, 2012
    Shopping is the best stress reliever. And drinking.

    October 13, 2012
    This is my "I'm being a brat" face. #bored #ootd [pic of said face. Yes. It’s hilarious. In the “you-look-like-a-moron” kind of way]

    October 13, 2012
    I haven't been to @HomeGoods in so long. I'm gonna cry.

    October 14, 2012
    Give it all, never get half.

    October 14, 2012
    I feel quite sick today…[thumbs down]

    October 14, 2012
    Sometimes it rains hardest on those who deserve the sun.

    October 15, 2012
    My throat hurts.....[thumbs down]

    October 15, 2012
    In a funky mood. & not the good kind...

    October 16, 2012
    Seriously what is up with my dreams?!

    October 16, 2012
    Is it too much to ask for my phone to actually work properly? #fuckinga

    October 16, 2012
    Just I unfollowed some ignorant assholes

    October 16, 2012
    Feeling so sick

    October 16, 2012
    I can't even be on here. Bye.

    October 16, 2012
    My stomach hurts

    October 17, 2012
    One second I feel like I'm going to be sick, and the next I'm starving. Wtf.

    October 17, 2012
    So many people having babies! Making me jealous…

    October 17, 2012
    You smell like a baby prostitute.

    October 17, 2012
    I'm not gonna last this winter.

    October 18, 2012
    Dyingggg…

    October 18, 2012
    Place of work. #dontstalkme [pic of her work address] [is it just me, or do people tweet things like this because they WANT to be stalked?]

    October 18, 2012
    My stomachhhhh

    October 18, 2012
    It's nice that the people at work actually appreciate what I do, unlike my last job. #asscocks

    October 19, 2012
    [tons of photos of herself dressed up in her trashy, too-tight-for-her-body-type Halloween costume]

    October 20, 2012
    Shit going downnnnn

    October 20, 2012
    Someone bring me oneil's please.

    October 21, 2012
    What a douche…

    October 21, 2012
    I need a bacon egg & cheese, spinach omelette or cheeseburger stat.

    October 21, 2012
    Calm your ass down.

    October 21, 2012
    Wtf now my emojis aren't working..? D:<

    October 21, 2012
    You're annoying...

    October 22, 2012
    Everyone just needs to grow the fuck up. Seriously.

    October 22, 2012
    forever changed, nothing ever stays the same.

    October 22, 2012
    Worst headache…

    October 23, 2012
    One of those days..

    October 24, 2012
    Bah I don't feel well

    October 25, 2012
    Hay. You're a crazy bitch.

    October 25, 2012
    Why, hello. #bored #work [one of her many pouty-face self-pics, that she, no doubt thinks are sexy]

    October 26, 2012
    I'm legit freaking out right now

    October 27, 2012
    I can't even…

    October 27, 2012
    I'm in need of an afternoon nap

    October 28, 2012
    Seriously, lose the attitude.

    October 28, 2012
    Fakin like a good one, but I call em like I see em. I know what you are, what you are baby..

    October 28, 2012
    Why did I eat a cupcake?! It feels like I have restless arm syndrome. Is that even a thing? Whatever. My muscles are going nuts.

    October 29, 2012
    Please, be safe.. Wherever you are.

    October 29, 2012
    Just because I'm nice does not mean that I want your D. #KindPeopleProblems

    October 29, 2012
    A person who truly loves you will never let you go no matter how hard the situation is.

    October 30, 2012
    Headache

    October 30, 2012
    I hate being ignored.

    October 30, 2012
    Love that I don't have service anywhere... #fixthatshit

    October 31, 2012
    Not receiving text messages... [frown face]

    October 31, 2012
    Haha whatever bitch!

    October 31, 2012
    Gah so sick..

    November 1, 2012
    So sick whyyyyy

    November 1, 2012
    I hate being an adult...

    November 1, 2012
    Can I just be Carrie Underwood already?

    November 1, 2012
    My stomachhhhhhh

    November 1, 2012
    Work sucks, I know.

    November 2, 2012
    Why do I have a headache every day when I wake up?

    November 3, 2012
    In the bathroom not to pee, but to answer these 15 texts. #sheeshpeople #busyatwork

    November 3, 2012
    I hate you.

    November 3, 2012
    In a sea of people, my eyes will always search for you.

    November 4, 2012
    I just want to be home....

    November 4, 2012
    I can't even..

    November 4, 2012 @ 9:02 AM
    We all have battles we’re fighting

    November 5, 2012 @ 7:35 AM
    Starving. Haven't eaten since 5pm yesterday. [Um. So have breakfast?]

    November 5, 2012
    I have weird dreams..

    November 5, 2012
    Know a few people in the hospital today! Pray for them all!

    November 5, 2012
    #anxious

    November 5, 2012
    My beautiful perfect nephew Liam. #baby #newborn [pic of new “nephew”]

    November 5, 2012
    I love him tons already. #newborn #baby #littlerockstar [pic of herself and her new “nephew”]

    November 7, 2012
    You have to go through hell before you get to heaven.

    November 7, 2012
    Ugh feeling so sick again...

    November 7, 2012
    Bitch.

    November 7, 2012
    Sick to my stomach...

    November 7, 2012
    I'm gonna lose it..

    November 7, 2012
    "Something in the bedroom that begins with D.." "Dildo!" – Me

    November 7, 2012
    Things change. People change.

    November 7, 2012
    Hate how someone blatantly reads a text, yet doesn't respond. #rude

    November 8, 2012
    Why am I tired ALL THE TIME?

    November 8, 2012
    Felt so nice buying like everything from @WilliamsSonoma

    November 9, 2012
    Headaches every day <<<

    November 9, 2012
    When people are in a bad mood so they try and make you in a bad mood <<<<< #cuttheshit

    November 9, 2012
    Are you f u c k i n g kidding me [variety of various angry/sad face icons]

    November 9, 2012
    Going to punch someone.

    November 10, 2012
    You're so dumb.

    November 12, 2012
    Is it too early for a drink?

    November 12, 2012
    I do feel bad for you sweetie, but you've done this to yourself.

    November 12, 2012
    i miss you

    November 12, 2012
    I wish my hubby & I could go on vacation for a year

    November 13, 2012
    Just looked at a house and fell in love!! Plus I'd be neighbors with my daddy!!

    November 13, 2012
    My tummyyyy

    November 14, 2012
    This day sucks

    November 14, 2012
    Seriously fuck today..

    November 15, 2012
    Just had one of the worst antic attacks yet..

    November 15, 2012
    Fuck, that was almost a situation...

    November 16, 2012
    I HATE not getting what I want...

    November 16, 2012
    It's sad enough that I don't know how to spell "grey" but even sadder when the only way to remember is by thinking of "grey goose"..

    November 16, 2012
    I couldn't love baby [x] any more than I do now!!!

    November 16, 2012
    [Various pictures of her “nephew." I always find it funny that she seems to think she can lay claim to every newborn baby that finds itself unfortunate enough to be in her vicinity. In 2009, she posted a photo of DD on her twitter account with the caption 'my lil niece' as though that was any sort of accurate. I find it remarkable that anyone can be so delusional. So far I've seen her refer to at least two other newborn babies that I can recall as her nieces and nephews - all were the children of "friends" and frenemies. None were actually related to her.]

    November 16, 2012
    my heart is beating so fast

    November 16, 2012
    I hate waiting!

    November 16, 2012
    I just can't...

    November 16, 2012
    I just wanna go back in time

    November 16, 2012
    Well that was a mistake.

    November 17, 2012
    How is it even possible that my last day off was Oct 31?! I need a freakin break..

    November 17, 2012
    Stressing the fuck out

    November 18, 2012
    Why is everyone being such an ASSHOLE today?! Fuck....

    November 18, 2012
    Hell yeah I'm a safe driver. #selfie [picture of herself]

    November 18, 2012
    In the best mood right now

    November 18, 2012
    And there goes my good mood..

    November 18, 2012
    Who wants to do my dishes? #notme

    November 19, 2012
    I'm a princess and you're not. Sorry not sorry. #PrincessRants

    November 19, 2012
    All you do is talkkkkk #omg

    November 19, 2012
    NSIL: I've been to the bottom and refuse to get pulled back down, no matter how many times I get hurt or how many people I have to drop.
    Exhibit A: I love youuuuu!! [heart heart heart]
    NSIL “liked” this

    November 19, 2012
    This arm brace was a baaaad idea, I'm in a lot of pain right now..

    November 20, 2012
    I'm gonna be sick..

    November 20, 2012
    Mall bathroom pic. It's what we do. [Pic of herself and two friends in the bathroom mirror at the mall]

    November 21, 2012
    Wearing my brace to work.. Lets see how long I can keep it on for. Hah.

    November 21, 2012
    Ugh I hate himmmm...

    November 21, 2012
    My coworker tried to guilt me into giving her Friday off instead of me. #yeahrightlady

    November 21, 2012
    My lord, not again..

    November 21, 2012
    Hungry but no appetite ugh!

    November 21, 2012
    Walking up 3 flights of stairs after running 4 miles is an awful experience..

    November 22, 2012
    Omg so annoying..!!!!!

    November 23, 2012
    What the fuuuuuck..?

    November 23, 2012
    Save the drama for your mamaaaaa!

    November 23, 2012
    Worst headache right now..

    November 23, 2012
    @NSIL: don't let anything or anyone bring you down! You are amazing & you are loved!

    November 24, 2012
    Platelets are low.. I can tell. #crap

    November 24, 2012
    Fuck why am I so sick?

    November 24, 2012
    I wish everyone had an iPhone so I would know if they've read my text or not. #crazy #sorrynotsorry

    November 24, 2012
    My neighbor's car alarm keeps going off.... Wanna die?!

    November 24, 2012
    A W K W A R D

    November 24, 2012
    I need some wine.

    November 24, 2012
    I don't understand why people can't just be nice and understanding towards one another. We are all flawed #KindPeopleProblems

    November 24, 2012
    Pounding some grape with Ashley tonight!

    November 25, 2012
    Sooo sickk..... #wtf

    November 25, 2012
    Holiday spirit at work! #santa #holiday #work #bored #selfie [pic of her chest self]

    November 25, 2012
    Getting hit on in the grocery store <<< you see this ring on my finger?

    November 26, 2012
    Its too cold to be anywhere but my bed today.

    November 26, 2012
    So many big decisions to make, so little time...

    November 26, 2012
    Someone get engaged so I can go to a wedding! Haha

    November 26, 2012
    I sent in my picture of Darla to @nbc @NBCNews!

    November 26, 2012
    Goodness gracious I'm tired..

    November 26, 2012
    Why am I constantly sick..?

    November 27, 2012
    I'm seriously going to lose my job because I keep getting sick.. #notcool

    November 27, 2012
    Home sick. 3rd time this month. #notcool #sick #selfie #snowday

    November 27, 2012
    Gahhhhh

    November 27, 2012
    Delusional..

    November 27, 2012
    Crap. Life is very difficult.

    November 27, 2012
    Can I just not work again..?

    November 28, 2012
    I feel like I'm leaving work early today.. #dying #sick

    November 28, 2012
    Nap time?

    November 28, 2012
    Maybe I should just nap...

    November 28, 2012
    Seriously? Crackers hurt my stomach..?

    November 28, 2012
    Manners and common courtesy being mistaken for flirting. #BelleProbz

    November 28, 2012
    lol @ the people at work thinking I'm pregnant because I've been sick...

    November 28, 2012
    I really need an unlimited supply of bobby pins and hair ties because I seem to lose them all. #PrincessRants

    November 29, 2012
    I swear... This woman makes me so angry.

    November 29, 2012
    Not something I should be eating with tummy troubles.. #bagel #olive #creamcheese

    November 29, 2012
    #tbt #bestfriend #loveyou @frenemy

    November 29, 2012
    Happy birthday to my best frannn @frenemy2

    November 29, 2012
    All I want for Christmas is Channing Tatum wearing a bow. #PrincessRants

    November 30, 2012
    uhm what

    November 30, 2012
    I wear the tiara, I make the rules. #PrincessRants

    November 30, 2012
    Chilly manster. I need a heated blanket STAT.

    November 30, 2012
    NSIL: Havent laughed that hard in soooo long
    Exhibit A: love you baby

    December 1, 2012
    I got JD the best Christmas gift. I'm a kickass wife.

    December 2, 2012
    New avi because I was bored. And also I look good. In a goofy way. #conceited #sorrynotsorry

    December 2, 2012
    I'm my favorite person. #PrincessRants

    December 3, 2012
    Frustrated.

    December 3, 2012
    "Remember no man is a failure who has friends."

    December 3, 2012
    Very blessed.

    December 3, 2012
    I think I'm allergic to rice. Which is my favorite food..

    December 4, 2012
    I feel sad...

    December 4, 2012
    I don't like change. [thumbs down]

    December 4, 2012
    Andddd be right back, busy buying the whole VS website

    December 5, 2012
    Don't hate on me just because I shine brighter than you. #PrincessRants

    December 6, 2012
    I'm gonna lose it.

    December 7, 2012
    Sitting next to the most obnoxious woman on my break. #goaway

    December 8, 2012
    So sick... Not eating today. Or this week.

    December 8, 2012
    Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

    December 11, 2012
    Today is already shit.

    December 11, 2012
    So. Cold. I'm too pretty to work

    December 14, 2012
    It's so important to tell people how you feel, that you love them, that they matter and are special while you can. Life is short. #PrayforCT

    December 15, 2012
    I love clueless people.

    December 15, 2012
    I'm gonna lose it on someone.

    December 15, 2012
    #GirlsLike to be treated the way they deserve, like a princess

    December 15, 2012
    Sorry sweetie, but I'm a princess and you're not. #PrincessRants

    December 16, 2012
    There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will.

    December 17, 2012
    Everyone is having babies/has a newborn that I know and I'm so envious

    December 18, 2012
    And sick again. But I can't call out. #ugh

    December 18, 2012
    love me when i least deserve it , because that's when i need it most.

    December 19, 2012
    Shit, my heart just stopped. My Lord...

    December 19, 2012
    Having a chronic anxiety disorder kinda blows...

    December 20, 2012
    Sitting in the doctor's office & the older woman next to me has the same birthday as me!

    December 22, 2012
    Worst heart burn right now

    December 23, 2012
    How do I have a headache?!

    December 23, 2012
    No, that's cool.. Don't answer my texts...

    December 25, 2012
    I keep wanting to tell people I'm pregnant because its christmas, but I'm not.

    December 25, 2012
    This headache will not go away..

    December 26,2012
    You're obviously not who I thought you were.

    December 26, 2012
    Why can't I have hair like a Disney princess?

    December 27, 2012
    Someone bring me a turkey stuffing & cranberry sauce sammie

    December 27, 2012
    Everyone & everything is annoying me today..

    December 27, 2012
    Getting random dick shots on snapchat <<<<

    December 28, 2012
    No reason to be mean, guy..

    December 28, 2012
    Just saying.. A 5 Ct. diamond looks good on me.

    December 29, 2012
    Making my birthday list. #excited

    December 29, 2012
    New picture. It's my sister and I at my bachelorette party back when she was pretty. Now she has a half shaved head & crazy tattoos.

    December 30, 2012
    Forever sick to my stomach #saveeeeme

    December 30, 2012
    Been coughing all day. Why am I always sick with SOMETHING?

    December 30, 2012
    Very sick.. Hot and cold at the same time. Sore throat, chest is tight & hard to breathe. Plus my tummy is always sick..

    December 30, 2012
    Platelets are dangerously low.. I need my hematologist/oncologist STAT.

    December 30, 2012
    Someone please bring me something that will sooth my throat and make my tummy not sick..

    December 31, 2012
    But why is my fever back?

    December 31, 2012
    New Years at the [in-laws].. #newyears #sick