My dear friends and readers, the security of both mine and my husband's blogs have been compromised. It is something I have been preparing for in earnest since I began this blog in April of 2011. I have always known it was a possibility that our blogs could someday be discovered by the Undesirables, though I have taken all possible precautions to avoid that outcome. But, as it happened to Upsi and Mulderfan and other Great Thinkers and Truth-Fighters who have come before me, it has happened anyway, for the Mighty She-Devil hath made it so.
On December 4, 2012 at 9:37 AM, I got the following comment on this post, which I decided not to publish because anon used our real names:
[Jonsi], if you keep leaving cyber crumbs like this, it's a matter of time before [NSIL's first initial] and [NMIL's first initial] find this. Your postings were enough for me to figure out who she was, which then leads back to you. And I'm not any super-sleuth. Glad to hear [DH]'s managing to hold it together.
Perhaps the funniest thing about this to me is how Vandals always fancy themselves so clever. This particular Vandal seemed to think I wasn't already aware of it's presence.
So, let's talk about this comment, shall we? There was no way this Vandal could have known that I moderate comments for precisely this purpose: to ensure that no identities are blatantly revealed; either ours or those of DH's FOO in the case that our blogs were discovered. So when this comment was left, it was with the intent to reveal my identity and DH's identity, but almost went overboard in the show that NSIL's and NMIL's were sacred. This person clearly searched for us and found us with a predetermined set of beliefs about our purpose and intent. This person is already sure they know the story and didn't have any interest in coming here to read ours. This is, no doubt, an individual who was either directly or indirectly maneuvered by NMIL to fulfill this particular recon mission; or else fancies themselves one of NMIL's closest allies and, like a good little pet, did it without having to be asked because that will surely win them some of her favor.
And, so like um, here's the thing: if this person was so interested in keeping NMIL and NSIL's identity safe and thought they had this thing so under control and was trying to make the point that figuring out who we are so easily leads directly to NSIL and NMIL, why then wouldn't they have continued to protect our identities by maintaining our anonymity here? In revealing our identities so blatantly, this person would have inevitably ensured that theirs would have been revealed too. Anon wants to sit here and imply that I wanted to be found? I am certain that is projection. I am also certain that our identities are no longer safe.
We have a snitch.
Anon was not truly responding to the content of my post, but merely leaving a tangential comment on the most recent one. Anon seems to like masking nastiness with a little feigned concern: "You know, if you keep writing this way, they're going to find you eventually." Just a touch of concern there, right, to obscure all that intimidation? The reality is, Anon just plain don't like what we have to say.
"Glad to hear [DH]'s managing to hold it together" is both a slap at DH, implying that he is just barely holding on: to sanity, to his marriage, to his life. But it's also a way of saying that between DH and I, my husband is the one who's sane, likeable, manageable. I'm the evil one, right? Anon's rhetoric is old and stale and represents more of the same shit I've been up against since day one. There is nothing new here, nothing novel that's been introduced by this condescending piece of shit. Nothing I haven't heard before or seen lobbed in my direction.
After the comment was left, I decided to temporarily remove any posts I thought might risk further exposure because in the Merry-Go-Round world of the Ciphers and Vandals, they set themselves up to be exposed and then try to shame the Truth-talkers for exposing them: when in reality, the exposure was precisely what they wanted to begin with. I removed most of the NSIL twitter posts, though ironically, not because that will really do anything to protect NSIL's anonymous state, seeing as how anyone who knows her can perform a Google search on her name and read all of their tweets for themselves, sans Jonsi-analysis. I removed those posts because they are already spinning them in such a way to try and make me look like a monster for daring to write about the shit that NSIL puts in a public place on the internet.
Let me put it this way: if NSIL had ever stumbled across my blog, she would have known I was writing about her whether or not I wrote about her tweets. If NMIL had been out there all this time looking for my blog, she too would have known I was talking about her as well. Unless, of course, both continue to be so invested in the delusion that they haven't done the things I have written about here, then no matter how well I had protected their names and identifying details, they still would have had to come face to face with the reality of the situation here. There isn't anyone more interested in the SHOW of keeping their identities private than the assholes and psychos who know they've got something to hide. In their world, the formula is actually pretty simple: They want to be exposed when, and only when, they feel their followers will still side with them.
In the real world, my formula is simple too: don't give me anything to write about and you won't find yourself subject to my analysis . And if you don't like what I have to say, then move along little doggy.
A few minutes after the above comment was left on my post, DH received the following two comments on his post at 10:12 AM and 10:14 AM, respectively:
[DH], [Jonsi] makes it very easy to find your sister, which in turn leads to your mother, which in turn leads to you and [Jonsi]. Cyber-crumbs are so easy to follow. If your going to dissect your sister like a lab rat, at least have the courtesy to do a better job of protecting her anon state, just like you and [Jonsi] try to do for yourselves. You are being hypocrites otherwise.
PS [Jonsi] does not come off sounding as though she practices unconditional love. She sounds more like a mean girl mocking a troubled girl. She sounds like a cyber bully looking for approval of her own low self esteem. Kind of sad.
More anti-Jonsi rhetoric. More intimidation masked with feigned concern. More condescension and a clear sense that this person's mind was made up long before they went out SEARCHING to find us. However easy they want to say it was that they found us, it's only because someone gave them the right terms to search for; the ideas that would lead them here. Say, just as one little example: a set of letters that included phrases like: "narcissistic mother" and "abuse" and "boundaries" and "manipulation." My dear readers, we knew we were taking more than one risk in sending NSIL our letters: the biggest risk of all being the one that NMIL would see them. In order to reach NSIL, in order to try one last time to open up a real dialog with her, we were willing to take that risk and we were prepared for the fallout.
I believe this is that fallout.
NSIL's indirect responses to our attempts to help her, after she asked DH for help, were nothing short of Evil. And watching her betray what small-sibling bond their ever might have been between herself and her brother has done nothing but solidify my belief that the WHOLE THING - from suicide attempt to guilt-inducing letter to stone-cold silence to continued smear campaign has never been anything but a setup from the very beginning, "designed and directed by [NMIL's] Red Right Hand." Does that mean I don't feel for NSIL? Does that mean I don't want her to find happiness? Does that mean I want to kick her while she's down? No. What that means is that I don't believe she's merely a "poor troubled girl" they paint her as and that while NMIL and her flying monkeys are busy labeling me "bully" they have done nothing but pimp her out in what has been the worst bait-and-switch maneuver I have ever seen.
What I find to be hypocritical is that while Anon feigned interest in keeping NMIL and NSIL's identities anonymous, Anon would have single-handedly exposed them by using my real name and my husband's real name in the comments left here. A point I'm fairly certain Anon had already figured out. Ultimately, Anon seemed to want to drive the theory home that DH and I had somehow led them to our blogs when in fact, ANON had to go out looking for us. We didn't lead anyone here, they searched for us.
For the record: dissecting a person's words, actions, and possible motives does not turn that person into a lab rat; one can not "practice" unconditional love, as one could "practice," say, "what they preach"; and the only thing that's fucking sad here is NMIL's intentionally sadistic efforts to destroy us and our marriage.
The only thing NMIL has managed to do is declare war.
And from the looks of it, we've met her first grunt.