Sunday, December 23, 2012

Didn't Take Long

Whelp, didn't take long for EFIL and L to show us what they think of our recent request for No Contact. It was less than two months ago that we sent them a letter via certified mail with return receipt informing them to cease and desist all forms of contact to us or else face the legal ramifications of their continued harassment and they've already disregarded it. Maybe they're too fucking stupid to think we mean business. I don't know, maybe they don't fucking realize that they killed whatever chance of having a relationship with us when they decided it was acceptable to continue to push their brand of home-grown crazy on our doorstep when we ain't never gonna fucking buy it. Obviously they think they're going to win something, they think if they keep showing up at the same Bat time on the same Bat station, they're eventually gonna catch us with our pants down around our ankles and our asses hanging out. Control is the name of the game here and they just don't seem to want to give it up.

It's kind of funny that we apparently have so much power over them, and that every time they vie for control, they actually just give it all to us.

I had a chat with a police officer today. It was reassuring. He told us that we're on the right track to get restraining orders, given my detailed notes, the police records we already have, and the fact that these people have already been warned several times about the consequences for their harassment. I'd have no problem calling the police on these twat plugs, and since they insist on upping the ante from push to shove, it looks like they haven't given us any other choices but to do that.

Here's the shit we got in the mail yesterday. There were three cards in total, one birthday card for DS and one Christmas card each for DS and DD:

DS Birthday Card (side 1): Love, Grandpa EFIL and Grandma L - We opened an acct for you...the reciept is in your Christmas card - we look -->  
DS Birthday Card (side 2): forward to seeing you again someday until then we want you to know you ARE in our hearts and prayers.
DS Christmas Card (side 1): Merry Christmas DS! We are not able to give you your Christmas present in person but we want you to know we are saving them to give you when you are older. We started a
DS Christmas Card (side 2): savings account for you and we know it will be a blessing in the future. We love you and you are in our hearts and prayers you have 3 new cousins we hope you will meet someday. Love Grandpa EFIL and Grandma L
Copy of bank deposit slip, with DS's name written in upper right-hand corner
DD Christmas Card: Merry Christmas DD - Grandpa EFIL and Grandma L are not able to give you a Christmas gift in person, so we have started a savings account for you. We you are a grown up we will make sure you get it. In the meantime we want you to know you are in our hearts and prayers. Also you have 3 new cousins. Love Grandpa EFIL and Grandma L
Original bank deposit slip with DD's name spelled wrong in upper right-hand corner and account number blacked out
When I checked the mail yesterday and saw the handwriting, I paused for a moment. "DH?" I asked. "Who's handwriting is this?"

"L's," he responded.

"That's what I fucking thought." The envelopes had no return addresses on them, but if I wasn't already planning on keeping this fuckery for legal evidence, I would have put the return address on there myself and sent that shit right back where it came from. I STILL have half a mind to photocopy it, go crazy with my fucking bullshit stamp all over it and send it back to them.

I probably won't do that, but it is a fantasy I like to play out in my mind every once in a while.

That's the thing about going NC though. We'd just be digging the hole fucking deeper if we broke our own NC in order to tell them to fuck off. We'll have to come up with a better way of accomplishing that particular goal.

So, in terms of the messages inside the cards and the continued games they are playing, my basic analysis is this: EFIL and L are some seriously sick and delusional fucking people. It's really not a difficult concept to comprehend what "Get the fuck off my porch and take your fucking blood money with you" means. But these aren't complete idiots we're dealing with - they get it, they understand it, they know exactly what we've asked them to do. They're just flat out refusing to do it. They think they know better than us. They actually think that if they put aside fifty bucks a year...oh excuse me, one hundred bucks a year...for the only two children of ours they were ever (or will ever be) lucky enough to meet, that eventually DH will cave and "come back to the family" and that maybe someday they'll be able to use it to con those children into having a relationship with being manipulated by them. They also seem to think that whatever money they are supposedly putting away for our son will be such a fucking "blessing" in his life in the future.

So, I'm kind of like. Yeah dudes. Whatever. Send that shit to my kids if you feel like it someday. This is probably what will happen if you do: Having been explained the truth about you and your fucking bitch-ass tactics of manipulation and guilt-peddling over the years, and being fully aware and knowledgeable about precisely what kind of people you are, and having not had a relationship with you for their entire lives, it's most likely that they wouldn't want anything to do with you anyway. But the way I see it, this shit will only go one of several ways: either they will continue putting aside money arbitrarily or as they see fit and, if they are still attempting to manipulate DH whenever they feel our kids are "grown up" enough to be offered their share of blood money, they will likely attempt to offer it to our kids someday with loads of fucking strings attached. In that case, if our children don't jump through whatever hoops they've set up, they probably won't ever see the money. -OR- EFIL and L will stop putting money aside and forget they ever attempted it in the first place. -OR- They actually will attempt to send the money to our kids someday, in the hopes that someone's guilt-buttons somewhere will be pushed enough that it forces their target into setting up some mushy fucking family reunion, at which EFIL and L can bash Jonsi and DH for all their sins and wickedness over the years and our children will be their best fucking friends/doormats/long-lost grandchildren who they loved so so so so so soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much but whom they were never ALLOWED to see.

The thing about the three new cousins made me fucking laugh so hard. You want to know why?

Because we don't fucking care.

Not even...not even a little bit. I mean, no one here gives one tiny shit...not one tiny god damned shit that L's kids have babies. DH never had a relationship with his step-siblings to begin with. It's laughable to think that, even if we were still in contact with them, our kids would have any sort of actual relationships with THEIR kids.

And okay, so call me cray cray, but does anyone think EFIL and L really believed we were going to read these shit-plastered cards to our fucking kids? I mean, we could have handed the fucking cards to our kids but they wouldn't have been able to read them, seeing as how they're two and three years old. I can't imagine these people are that fucking stupid - no one could possibly be dense enough to think we'd actually read this shit to our kids. No one. Which means that the only other possibility, naturally, is that the messages were really for us. Like our shredded up card was a message to them, this was their message to us: Stop saying no to us, because that's not allowed. We're still not going to leave you alone, because we're bigger than the fucking law. Accept Jesus into your fucking lives and deal with the fact that we're just gonna keep praying for you, and professing our love to you by stalking you and harassing you and ambushing you and blaming you and curb-stomping your boundaries every chance we get. We want the power and control. We want the power and control. WE WANT THE POWER AND CONTROL.

As always, those fucking cards had ZERO to do with our kids and everything to do with their need to be top dog. They'll "make SURE" our kids get that money, because they want our kids to believe that it's OUR fault they haven't gotten it already. They keep the control over these supposed accounts so that they can make attempts to hold it over our heads, and maybe eventually theirs as well. They're too dense to realize that my children are being raised in a non-abusive environment and they have a mother who WILL teach them to be self-aware and to spot manipulators coming a mile away. I will be vigilant, I will teach them how to read people and situations, and I will do my absolute best to give them the self-confidence they need to avoid people like EFIL and L. I am still working with DH, and I will never give up working with him to teach him those same skills. We work at it on a daily basis.

And ultimately, we will give our children something that EFIL and L never gave theirs: the freedom to make their own damn decisions. You see, when my children are adults, it will no longer be my responsibility to keep them away from my husband's FOO. I will leave it up to them to decide at that point how they might want to handle whatever shit gets flung in their direction. I will always be there to offer guidance where needed, and I will spend their entire lives talking with them about all of our dysfunctions: my husband's, mine, his FOO's, my FOO's - any questions they have will get answered with Truth, every time. Unlike EFIL and L, we will not try to manipulate and control our children and we will do our very best to teach them to recognize toxic people when they see them.

What's next on the agenda? Keeping records. Tucking away each bit of paper as evidence. Plans to call the police at next provocation: be it phone call, an in-person visit from anyone we have deemed "undesirable" or written communication. The legal advice I got today was that we have done everything we need to do to take the next step.

And damn it, when they cross the next line, we will take it.

EFIL and L can take their Bible-Thumping bullshit and shove it. I'll keep records of all of it with a god-damned smile on my face the whole time.

That's right.

A GOD-damned smile.

I have no time or patience for these Born-Again Bigots.


  1. Well. If I may be so bold. Dating 101 one tells a guy that if a chick tells you to back the fuck off, crowding her even more begins a downward spiral of diminishing returns. A woman is not going to finally be convinced to hook up with you once you hit that sweet spot on the slot machine of her jeans if she gets just the right combination of chocolates, Hallmark romanticism, and you standing under her balcony crooning the Caepenters "close to you".
    The best you can expect is a bucket of ice water on your head, and the worst is sitting in a holding cell hoping your buddy is sober enough to pick up the phone and come down and make bail.
    The same things applies to nuisance family members.
    And the encyclopedic amount of information dispensed in their card will probably have no effect on a two year old.
    Call me Captain Obvious but all that tripe was meant for you, and only for you.
    Just keep papering that trail.
    If they are stupid enough to call what they think is a bluff, then give them what they are asking for.
    Which is no quarter.

    1. You may be so bold.

      If these people were my ex-boyfriend, I'd have posted pictures of their tiny penis all over town by now. But since they're not my ex-boyfriend, I just have to do that metaphorically.

    2. Hahaha! Not to make light of the situation, but you two crack me up. Tiny penis'. Q, crooning the Carpenters. Visuals galore!!

    3. Please, laugh away. These people are ridiculous enough to warrant their own reality tv show. They have no idea how many people are secretly laughing at them.

  2. Un-be-fucking-lievable! And we all know that your non-response will drive them even crazier than they already are.

    What is so hard about, "Leave me alone to live my life as I see fit and I will do the same for you, now fuck-off!"

    These losers have one goal in life and that is to create drama because that's what it takes to make them feel important.

    Fuck 'em yo the moon and back!

    1. Not responding really is the best way to go. I wouldn't give a shit if they knew how I felt about it, it just doesn't make any sense to get into a pissing contest with people as crazy as they are.

  3. I am the kind of guy that doesn't want to be where I am not wanted.
    They ACT like they are the kind of people that don't want to be where they are not wanted, but when there is no audience for a witness, they will slink around and try and back door their way in knowing it's your word against theirs. Then they can kick in their spin machine and lie their way around it.
    When we first got cats my stepdaughters wanted to smother them with play.
    The cats would run off and hide.
    The cats would lay all over me and their mom and it drove the kids crazy. I just couldn't get them to understand the concept of attraction over promotion.

    1. Smothering fucking sucks. For kitties and humans alike.

    2. Your cat analogy is the exact one I would have for my NMIL. She fucking tries to kill me with kindness. If she just left me the fuck alone a bit, I don't think I'd run and hide from her so much. She's like a crazy, out of control child, screaming and waving as she runs at me. Not that your step daughters were like that Q.

    3. Exactly Q! If someone makes it obvious they don't want me around, I turn my back and walk away as a matter of pride if nothing else. "Fine, I'll go where my company is appreciated!"

      In fact, that's what I've done with my NFOO. My NF has made it clear he thinks I'm a loser and he can barely stand the sight of me. I'm not going to try to keep winning him over by forcing my company on him.

      What the hell is wrong with these people? Given that they are so fucking full of their own importance you'd think their pride would prevent them from making such complete asses outta themselves.

      Yeah, it's doubtful any kid of Jonsi's would sell their soul for a lousy $1800 bucks!

      BTW "Attraction rather than promotion" is one of AA's 12 Traditions. You sure you're not going to meetings Q?

    4. Personally, I think they'll drop all pretenses about "caring" about our kids if they ever get it through their thick heads that going after our kids is NOT going to win them their favorite doormat (DH) back. The only reason they are pulling this shit is because they seem to think that manipulating our children is going to somehow gain them some favor in DH's eyes. And they just want him back.

      It's like they're at the table asking for a million, and we were only willing to give them five. There's no sense in negotiating with these terrorists.

  4. OK, so this my second chance at a comment. Stupid computer ate the first. And I was witty and smart, too.

    Anyway, to sum up. This is ridiculous. I didn't realize when you told me you got cards, you meant CARDS, sent with a clear intent to tell you to "fuck off". Mean, nasty, spit in your face cards.

    One of my favorite parts was about their little savings account being "a blessing". WTF is that? Arrogant, much? And really, $100 a year for 18 years is $1800 plus some interest. Did they really think your kids were going to sell their soul for that? They tell these kids' parents "fuck you" in a narc drive-by and use the kids as the messengers, and then expect that they can then buy them off with some meager savings account? (Not that the amount is the important point, it just seems that EFIL is doing the bare minimum and then thinking your kids will be fooled by it. I applaud any parent who actual saves any money for their kids future...because they ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THE KIDS).

    I'm sorry you guys are dealing with this. I wish I could wave a wand and make them go away.

    1. Thanks for re-writing it - damn you cyber world, for eating the first one!

      The blessing part was laugh out loud funny to me as well. Like, someday our couple hundred dollars is going to be just the best damn present you're ever gonna see, it's gonna be so wonderful, it'll just take care of all of your fucking problems, little children. I mean, really, since these are just messages to US, then the whole part about this shit being a blessing is some kind of weird slap at us. Like, we're supposed to bow down to these "great" and "wonderful" people who are so kind to be saving fifty fucking dollars for our kids in some freaking savings account somewhere.


    2. It almost...almost...implies that somehow your kids will be so hard up they will be blessed by this little pittance. Or maybe they will finally be "blessed" with EFIL and L?

      Weird. Weird. Weird. I hate these little statements. NMIL is a master of them. God-fearing church words, disguised as loving concern, using words like blessings, but really meant to hit you over the head with their righteousness. Like they think it's their trump card.

    3. My guess is the second one: that they think our kids will be 'blessed" with EFIL and L eventually.

      I recently had a revelation that I thought was kind of profound: In my opinion, REAL faith is quiet.

    4. It is quiet. And kind. And unobtrusive. And peaceful. I've felt that way too for a long time. Not that faith doesn't speak up. Or find a need to share it's voice. But it doesn't shout, and push, and barge, and demand.

      Faith is believing and then allowing others to find the gift of "belief" too. Forcing belief on anyone diminishes it to nothing.

    5. YES. That was beautiful and poetic and true.

  5. The Actuary Tables seem to indicate the whole mess of 'em may well be dead by the time the kids are adults anyway. (NSIL has been kinda workin' on that in any event.)
    Again, it's all about Power and Control. Please take the next step as soon as the N's step in it-they will: "Merry Christmas and here's your own personal zip-tie!"
    Wait till they empty those "Accounts" for Bail. I don't think there's enough in those accounts actually for all the charges that'll be pending.

  6. Again with the fucking fake bank accounts?!? These accounts DO NOT belong to your children. An adult must have the SSN of a minor in order to open a bank account in the minor's name. These are simply additional bank accounts that NFIL and L have opened at the bank where they do their personal banking. NFIL and L have designated these accounts themselves as belonging to DD and DS. It's like me going to my personal bank, opening an additional account in the amount of 100.00, sending you the receipt and saying "Look Jonsi, this account is for DD and DS". They think they're establishing control of your children's future. And you're right Jonsi, do not acknowledge either of the cards. File them away and use them for the restraining orders. RO's are y'all's next step I'm afraid.

  7. "They think they're establishing control of your children's future."

    REALLY key. Great point, Creole. Thanks!