So [I need to discuss] NSIL's phony-ass mother fucking voicemail that she left on DH's work phone on November 4, 2012 at 10:38 PM. And then I'm going to follow it up with my analysis of her latest tweets, which I think sum up pretty nicely precisely what she thinks of DH, me, and DH's letters to her.
"Hi [DH]. Um, it's your sister. Something happened and I'm in the hospital. Uhh, mom doesn't know I'm calling you, but I'm not going to tell her anyway. Um and [pause] I just wanted to talk to you or let you know um [pause] I don't know. Okay. Bye."
When I initially heard her message, my first thought was that it was all a manipulation. Her father had showed up unannounced at our doorstep the day before, pounding on our door for admittance and refusing to leave, even after he had delivered the news that NSIL was in the hospital for attempting suicide. He didn't leave because, like everyone else from NMIL's camp, including NSIL, everyone just loves to point their fingers at DH. You know, because it's HIS fault that their family has fallen apart. It's HIS fault that his sister tried to commit suicide. It's HIS fault that everyone is sad and depressed and lonely and suffering and old and withered and worthless and angry and annoyed and confused and desperate and hurt and he is the ONLY ONE who can save them fix them put them back together rescue them make them happy. That's why J showed up at our front door and NSIL called him to "let him know" that "something had happened" and NMIL remains unusually quiet behind the scenes. Because it's all one big mother fucking manipulation and we just got OWNED.
Well, not completely. We DID know it was a possibility. And now some serious lessons have been learned for the future. With the holidays coming up, DH and I will be extra-vigilant about controlling our controllables and ignoring any narc-interference, and keeping records of any shit that might be flung at us. It's already being flung, amidst a plethora of superficial bullshit, by none other than NSIL - the girl DH wanted desperately to save.
If you're still with me after all of this bullshit and drama, I commend you. If you decide to peace out now, I don't blame you. Because what I see of NSIL online is a lot of nonsense and no intelligibility. I see what amounts to more passive-aggressive attacks on myself and DH. I think "I feel so bad for stupid people" and "You are so fucking fake" and "Where is your self respect?" and "I refuse to get pulled down by a certain someone AGAIN, who now has to be dropped" is all directed at DH. DH told me today, "I think one percent of me wants to believe that she's talking about her mother." But he knows she isn't. Because if she realized she needed to drop her mother, things would be different. Maybe not drastically different, and maybe not overnight. But something would have changed.
I find it laughable that she calls ANYONE fake, when she can't even go one hour without posting phoney smiley photos of herself, which she posts in between tweets expressing how angry and miserable she is. She tweeted "you are so fucking fake" just moments after posting a picture of herself grinning like the Cheshire Fucking Cat in the fucking bathroom mirror. Can you say creepy? When juxtaposed with the voicemail above, there are all sorts of contradictions spinning 'round and 'round. That smiley face don't match that sorrowful tune. Nor does it mask the anger and resentment, or the miserable contempt. Everything she tweeted is actually a glimpse of herself, if only she took a few minutes to look inside and realize that. Who is stupid? Um, not the person who escaped a dysfunctional family that would have kept him chained in the emotional cellar for the rest of his life. Who is fake? Who has no self-respect? Who is a bitch? I'd say, "Look in the mirror, NSIL," but she has been. All day. And she still doesn't see it.
She also doesn't see those things when she looks at her Mommy. Which is so absurd, because, hot damn, she's SO CLOSE to hitting the nail on the head with this one, if only she was looking at the right person: "I've been to the bottom and I refuse to get pulled down, no matter how many times I get hurt or how many people I have to drop." What she's saying is that a certain someone, whom she'll continue to passive-aggressively point fingers at all day long, pushed her down to the bottom some time ago, and that he's not gonna pull her down again. No matter how many times he hurts her. She's just gonna have to drop him.
Well. That's something.
In one recent tweet, she calls some unnamed person a bitch, and I'm pretty sure that bitch is me. Though I could be wrong, and don't want to sit here attributing her passive-aggressive name-calling to myself unnecessarily. Just, call it a hunch. I am now one hundred percent certain she got the message, one hundred percent certain she isn't going to budge right now and will drown in her mother's narcissism, one hundred percent certain she is beyond our grasp, and one hundred percent certain we need to let her go. I really do wish her the best of luck. She's going to need a huge fucking dose of it.
NSIL? Good luck, man. Word to yo 'Motha. I'm out.