Yesterday morning, DH sent, via Certified Mail of the U.S. Postal Service, and requesting a return receipt, letters to both EFIL & L and J. We feel that, in the likely case that we need to take legal action against either of these parties, it would be in our best interests to have evidence such as this that will stand up in court and act as proof that we have, in fact, asked these people to leave us alone. The letters were signed and dated by both DH and I and we have stapled our Postal Service Receipts to our own copies of the signed letters.
Both letters read: You are hereby notified that any attempts to contact us will result in further legal action. Do not attempt to contact us or our family for any reason at any time, at any location, in any way, using any means including but not limited to phone calls, written communication, emails, texts, communication via any third party, or in person. Failure to comply with this final request WILL result in further legal action. [Signed, Jonsi Jonsi and LSV]
And I really believe this was the best course of action. When the officer who came to our house during J's fist-pounding intrusion two days ago asked me if we had ever had to ask him not to come around before, I realized how important it was that we finally take that step. Previously, we had not done so because, in DH's response letter to his father last year, he was leaving the door open a crack for the possibility of communication. The problem was that EFIL and L failed to communicate in the way he needed. They completely disregarded DH's letter. And the whole premise of opening up that particular dialog with him had been to convey the idea that, if he wasn't willing to talk about the very real issues at hand, and take some fucking responsibility for his part in the relationship, then the Jonsi family would have nothing to do with him. It's all there, in DH's letter to his father.
So, it's time my dear friends and readers. Time to send the message to them, in no uncertain terms, that they are not welcome here anymore. Time to send the message that we will not stand for being stalked and harassed. Time to send the message that, if they aren't willing to take the time to self-reflect and to respect our boundaries, then we will not allow them access to ourselves any longer. Time to send the message, loud and clear, that we are done. The only reason they haven't figured that out yet on their own is because they aren't willing to regard our thoughts, feelings, or needs and never have been. So it's not any different when we say, "We need time. We need space. We need you to leave us alone." They just ignore, disregard, and sweep that under the rug, along with everything else that has happened over the course of the last three and half years and over the course of DH's entire life.
You may remember that I wrote in this post about how we shredded up the card and blood money that EFIL and L sent to DD for her birthday, put the pieces in an envelope, and mailed the whole mess back to them. Well, according to EFIL's voicemail on DH's work phone that he left at 6:30 PM on November 5, 2012, he had something to say on that matter. He also had something to say about DH's choice to ex-communicate himself from his FOO:
Hey DH, uh, that was pretty cool. I was always wondering how to get that uh, all that card and that…that paper into that envelope but you showed me how to do that, that’s pretty cool. Tear it up into little teeny pieces and stuff it in there. Listen, uh if you think that hurt my feelings, uh, it did a little bit, DH. But you know what, you could have just tore it up and thrown it away. To put it back in an envelope and mail it back to me? It cost you money to do that? I don’t know why you would do that. Why didn’t you just tear it up and throw it away? Um I’m just going to let you know that, DH, I’m not gonna give up, uh, I am still going to try to get you to come back to this family because you’re not just going to throw us away like a piece of paper. Okay? Not going quietly into the night. Um, sooo, you know, just expect me to be around, okay? That’s the best I can tell you. Um, I love you and I’ll see you later. Bye.
I have to address two aspects of this voicemail, the first being EFIL's long rant about the birthday card we ripped up and sent back to him. He asks why DH did that, but I honestly think he knows why. We wanted to send them a message, just like they were sending us one. We wanted to tell them that we didn't want their blood money. We wanted them to know that we know what they are doing and we're saying, "No," to all of it. We wanted to show them exactly what we think of their unwelcome visits to our home and their attempts to manipulate us into doing what they want. EFIL says, "If you think it hurt my feelings, it did a little bit, DH." Maybe it did hurt his feelings, though I'm inclined to think even that's a lie because I find it hard to believe that anyone who is so set on hunting us down and beating us into submission could really be hurt that we evaded his manipulations. More than likely, saying it hurt his feelings was just his typical way of pulling on DH's heart strings. In DH's most recent post, he mentioned how guilty he felt just imagining his father feeling sad about my threat to call the police on him. DH wrote, "Another thing: I had to actively fight the immense surge of guilt I felt when my wife first told me about his visit and what happened. I immediately pictured him sulking and crying on his way home, as was trained for me to do." EFIL's claims of "hurt feelings" are precisely why DH feels bad when he envisions saying no to his father. Because when does, his father sulks and tells him, "Well that hurts my feelings." And beyond that, the point of sending the card and it's contents back to EFIL and L had nothing to do with us wanting to hurt his feelings. That wasn't the point at all. The point was to tell them to fuck off.
I'm just going to go ahead and say it: Not only is EFIL's voicemail fucking ridiculous, but it's fucking abusive. Because that's what the whole "You can't shred up OUR birthday card/blood money and send them back to us" mentality is about: power, control, and guilt. EFIL says, "Why didn't you just tear it up and throw it away?" Which effectively means, "You don't get to say no, DH. You just have to take our shit. We get to dish it out, however, whenever, wherever. We get to shit all over you and your family, and you don't GET to tell us no." That's the portrait of abuse.
And all this? "I'm not gonna give up...I'm still gonna try to get you to come back to this family...you can't just throw us away...not gonna go quietly into the night...just expect me to be around."Well, thank you EFIL, for finally telling a little bit of the god-damned truth, which is: that you have, right from the start, been attempting to tear DH away from his FOC and "get him back," that you plan on stalking and harassing him, that you plan on trying to force him into having a relationship he doesn't want to have, that you'll never give up on abusing him.
He's nailing his own coffin shut, folks. One nail at a time. I can only imagine how he's going to respond when he gets our letter stating in no uncertain terms, that he is not to contact us ever again, in any way, shape, or form. I'm thinking that that barely concealed rage is finally going to push through the surface and he's going to get very, very ugly. We are prepared for the fallout of these letters. We know what we have to do. And we. will. do it.
**Title credit goes to Grey. [Grey, if you'd rather I remove the title and think of something else, I will. Just thought it was perfect when you wrote it recently in my last post.]