Monday, November 5, 2012

#intotheabyss

The following is my updated list of NSIL's tweets over the last three weeks. I have made bold the ones that I think are particularly indicative of where she is right now in her life. Specifically, her alleged recent suicide attempt, for which she is now currently in the hospital in ICU. What I see here is a girl who has more possibility of depth than her mother, but who seems too afraid to locate the tools required to escape her personal Hell.

October 15, 2012
I want that moment, like in movies where a guy looks at a girl and is literally speechless and in awe because he thinks she is so beautiful.

October 17, 2012
Maybe my one gift in life is that I can get away with not wearing make up.

October 17, 2012
I don't care what you think about me. - I don't think about you at all.

October 17, 2012
Someone that is really self confident, teach me how

October 17, 2012
if i was as beautiful and perfect as Amber Rose i would TOTALLY bleach and shave my hair off.

October 18, 2012
[Female friend] and I are such typical girls. All we talk about is puppies, being ugly, vodka, falling in love, our weddings, sex, and food.

October 18, 2012
can someone come rub my back and play with my hair until I fall asleeeeeep

October 18, 2012
Attention CUTE BOYS [link to this photo; NSIL's words in blue bubbles]:


October 18, 2012
Male friend: gym bright and early tmmrw #630am #seeyathere
NSIL: LOL yeah okay i wake up at 11

October 20, 2012
My mom's fiancé is Stone Cold Steve Austin THO

October 21, 2012
I've never been good at accepting compliments because I just don't believe them

October 22, 2012
Red hair was fun but time to go back darrkkkkkkkkk and black

October 23, 2012
Pretty sure everyone would be as pretty as you if everyone did their hair and caked on their make up everyday.

October 23, 2012
yup megan fox is perfect

October 24, 2012
my room looks straight outta pottery barn

October 24, 2012
My mom: Is my facebook post totally gay or just a little gay?

October 25, 2012
#Cancer's act on feelings, not rationale or reasonable advice. Maybe that's wrong to do, but we don't give a damn.

October 26, 2012
I dont see the point anymore

October 26, 2012
Always wanted to walk into a party like Elle Woods in a playboy bunny costume BUT i cant find a GD LEOTARD ONESIE THING

October 26, 2012
in love with this dress, if only i had platinum blond hair i would be Marilyn [pic of herself in mirror in said dress; caption of photo: Feelin like Marilyn]

October 26, 2012
[pic of herself dressed up for Halloween party as a Hooters Girl]

October 26, 2012
pretending that were lesbians at this party omg #thirstyboys #ariel #klique #pigs

October 27, 2012
It'll probably be a while until I'm in another relationship but I seriously can't wait. Being single is just not as fun for me

October 28, 2012
You are so desperate

October 29, 2012
I can't wait to get away from these people.

October 29, 2012
just fed dog 1 and dog 2 some bacon. now i know ill die in sandy being loved.

October 29, 2012
Nothing else to do except sleep but my mind wont stop going

October 30, 2012
I don't smoke cigarettes to be cute, I have my face for that.

October 31, 2012
I feel so stupid.

October 31, 2012
just wanna sleeeep…Lol woke up for no reason COOOL

November 1, 2012
GD

November 1, 2012
literally having an anxiety attack right now im gonna puke

November 1, 2012
Thank god for nice strangers

November 2, 2012
theres absolutely no one

November 3, 2012
I would rather be here than my house.

November 3, 2012
Ironically watching House in the hospital

November 4, 2012
Hardest decision of my life... Hawaii, Bora Bora, or Fiji?

November 5, 2012
so fucking irritated

November 5, 2012
I wonder if you would even recognize me now

November 5, 2012
hospital just called a code red. who knew that really happened outside of greys and scrubs

November 5, 2012
“sometimes we spend too much time looking for more, instead of realizing the blessing we have.”

November 5, 2012
prob takin the scissors to the bun anyday now.. special thanks to @MileyCyrus

November 5, 2012
I wanna know if you can see beauty in something even if it isn't pretty every day

9 comments:

  1. Jonsi,
    Wow. I see a girl who's been fed a lifetime of knowledge that shallow affectations are the only acceptable form of being and believes it. I see a girl drowning in herself and waiting for a white knight to throw her a rope rather than attempting to swim.
    Hard truth: Everyone has potential to improve their lives. Only people who are willing to do the work can. I hope that she is offered and accepts help to step back into her skin and begin to heal. I hope that she can realize that only she can do that.

    Love,
    Vanci

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  2. Ironically, the fact that she's gone to this dark place shows to me that there's hope for her. She knows there's no one. She knows how dark and futile and meaningless it all is.

    If only she could now see that there's something real somewhere.

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  3. She really is tragic. I hope there is a chance she can find herself and find peace.

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  4. She's in ICU for a suicide attempt? I don't know how to tell someone how to generate a sense of well being or belonging from within. I haven't really figured it out myself.
    Oy.
    By the time her mother gets through "helping" her through this, the next attempt will probably be successful.

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  5. It's as though she's been taught that only her looks can make her loveable, but she'll never get to be pretty enough to be loveable, but she should keep focusing because she's ALMOST THERE. No wonder she's exhausted. Dancing at the end of the rope around her neck for all these years. Being ONLY the bait for the twisted narc relationship NMIL wants with DH. She has no value to that family, other than 'Dance Mondkey! Dance!' I wish there was a way to kidnap people like this, take them to an island with no communication possible, and feed them good food and good healthy thoughts and give them space and time to SEE. (I meant 'kidnap' in a NICE way...)

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  6. "I don't know how to tell someone how to generate a sense of well being or belonging from within. I haven't really figured it out myself." -Q

    Still working on that too. This is a really sad post about a lost girl. It's like she needs a lighthouse or an anchor to keep her from drifting away, but she keeps diving into the eye of the storm waiting for someone to rescue her.

    We all have to rescue ourselves. We reach out and ask for help. We get through it. We survive.

    I love you all so much, you help me find my way back to myself. I wish NSIL the same thing, if only she would ask for it. If only she would help herself.

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  7. Gladys. I don't care if you kidnap me and beat me with your shoe.
    I can tell you, nothing ruins the effect of a drop dead pretty woman like a fucked up personality. And I still can't tell if your sister in law is really cool and tweets for effect or if she is what she tweets.
    And it's hard to tell from her attempt.
    Is she a sweet girl who can't reconcile her inner self with the hubris she sees on TV?
    Or is she really a Kardashian wanna be?
    I wouldn't write the Kardashians off with out meeting them first, but the dead relationship pile from them is getting higher all the time and that doesn't bode well for them being nice people when tape isn't rolling.
    I guess if you grew up watching people make their every single thought known to the world it must seem normal. I wouldn't know a nice way to say no one gives a fuck, but they don't.
    That may be part of it. She tweets knowing she will get virtually no follow up, and this confirms how irrelevant she is to people.
    But no one is.
    Not in the big long run.
    Most of my close relatives are dead and gone. Ones that I grew up with and were always a given for me.
    But you see how things go after they died. People hogging up furniture and throwing away their possessions and selling their house that is either torn down for a new one or remodeled so thoroughly that they are unrecognizable.
    And decades of life get reduced to a few boxes of letters and some knick-knacks in a matter of months.
    And I understand now that the same thing will happen to me. But that's OK. None of us have a choice so why worry.
    But you can use your inevitable demise as collateral to not take yourself so seriously today.
    I guess. Hell if I know.
    I just know I don't fret about a tenth of the things I fretted about when I was her age.
    If this doesn't make any sense don't post it.
    I started out on the interstate and ran off a bridge about mile marker #1.

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  8. I feel for her. I don't even know if she has a clue what the problem is because she is so enmeshed with her mother. And it's hard to find the tools to fix things if you don't even know what the problem is. She seems young, naive, and confused. My sister lives in a lot of the same world. Even when she DOES have issues with my mother, she still runs back and refuses to see that my mother has trapped her in her life.
    Sending prayers for you all.

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  9. Wow, is she obsessed with appearances. She sounds like my sister does. And my sister's teenaged daughter.

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