DH and I thought that our best shot for figuring out when NSIL would be returning and whether or not she had received the letters we sent would be to track her on Twitter when she came back and check in occasionally on NMIL's farcebook page. We got our first indication that NSIL would be returning when NMIL's boytoy made a public-to-all-on-facebook announcement on November 15, 2012 that "The party at NMIL's for [tomorrow night] has been canceled, I will let you know when it will be rescheduled." The birthday party she was throwing for herself naturally had to be cancelled because NSIL was coming home that day, and it simply wouldn't look right for NMIL to be throwing herself a birthday bash, right? The next day, NMIL posted a picture of NSIL and her two "best friends" hugging and smiling in the foyer of her mcmansion, with the caption: Welcome Home NSIL!!! What a great birthday present!!! Xxoo." Naturally, NSIL's return from rehab was all about her mother.
And on that same day, at 7:05 PM, NSIL made her big debut with this tweet, "I didn't shave my head tho." Hardyharhar. Granted, she doesn't seem to know that she has DH and I for an audience right now, so it's likely that she doesn't realize that we're sitting here completely incensed, but this is clearly a self-deprecating jab on her part, which manages to minimize every single one of the issues at hand: that she put herself in a life or death situation; that she either isn't taking her health and well being seriously or else actually has a death wish; that she has the power to change the path she is headed down but seems not to want to use it; that she may or may not be completely disregarding the help DH tried to offer her; that it doesn't seem to phase her how much she has disrupted my husband's life and hijacked his precious time with her seemingly disingenuous attempts to pull him back into the familiarity of his old dysfunctions. She continuously makes comments on twitter about wanting to make drastic changes to her hair, which I know can be a sign of mental instability (and in this case, is probably in reference to Britney Spear's famous mental breakdown in 2007 when she shaved off all her hair and went on a rampage in some parking lot with an umbrella). On November 6, while NSIL was still in the hospital prior to being discharged, she wrote, "no one will let me cut my hair." And so, it was sort of natural that, upon re-entering society, she made her big debut by making mention of how, you know, she may have gone crazy, but at least she didn't shave her fucking head. What a good little girl.
So for the past few days, we've kept an eye out for any indication that she had received DH's letters. We didn't see anything that indicated she had. Instead, we saw more of the same type of toxic thought-patterns reminiscent of the time before her stay at the hospital and subsequent two-week absence from the online world (and presumably the real world as well).
As the hours passed, it seemed to us that NSIL not only did not receive DH's letters, but that she wasn't going to either. DH was checking his work voicemail every hour on the hour, and his work email almost as frequently. He kept bringing up how badly he'd wanted his sister to get his letters, even if she didn't end up doing what he'd suggested, or even read them. He kept telling me that he just wanted confirmation that she had gotten them. When he asked me whether his mother might have kept them from her just because she thought it would bother him to be kept in the dark, I realized that what had initially started as an attempt to send a relatively simple message to his sister had become an issue of power and control between he and his mother.
And I wasn't too far behind on that track, I have to admit. It bothers me to think that NMIL may have hidden those letters from NSIL. I mean, right off the bat: NSIL is eighteen years old. She is legally an adult, and it's illegal to open someone else's mail: whether she resides with you or not; whether she is your child or not. And it truly angered me to imagine that this woman, who has almost single-handedly destroyed any chance of DH and NSIL ever having a relationship and who has been the biggest contributing factor to NSIL's unstable emotional health, may have reached in, once again, to stir the pot of anger and turmoil between NSIL and the ONE person on the outside who offered her genuine love and support. Guys, it bothers me so much to realize how much NMIL gets away with toying with peoples' lives. I know, I know. It's out of our hands right? Or, more specifically, it's out of MY hands. I have no control in this situation.
DH and I made the fatal mistake of deciding to try "just ONE more time" to get his letters to her.
All we could think, after reading her most recent tweets was that NSIL had absolutely NOT received the letters and that she did not know that DH was here, waving his arms around like a lunatic shouting, "I care! I care! I CARE! I REALLY FUCKING CARE! CAN'T YOU HEAR ME? I CAAAAAAARE!" But she doesn't hear him. And on top of that, she's too busy simultaneously demanding that people "ask her" about what happened and then reprimanding them for asking the wrong questions.
November 16, 2012 8:05 PM
the new [NSIL]
November 16, 2012 9:05 PM
if you texted me within the past 2 weeks i never got itttt [This lead me to further believe that she had in fact been in some therapeutic setting where they took away her phone and any access to potential triggers from the outside world]
November 17, 2012
first night back and i woke up at 4 and cant sleep [First night back and things are already back to normal, in spite of the "happy" little pictures Mommy Dearest is posting all over Facebook, to show how perfectly normal her Precious is, after "going away" for a while.]
November 17, 2012
luv my hurr [pic of her “hurr”]
November 17, 2012
having no appetite..blessing or curse hmmmmm
November 17, 2012
Shoulda really known I was bipolar. I think everyone else did haha
November 17, 2012
Everyone seems too think they know everything yet no one has actually asked me.
November 17, 2012
because of a bad trip? because of a boy? you people are ridiculous and have no clue.
For whatever it's worth, my thought is that NSIL realizes her biggest problem is her fucking FOO, specifically her NM, but she doesn't know how the fuck to get away from it all and probably couldn't conceive of leaving them all behind (either emotionally or physically) which is precisely what she needs to do. And she fails to realize that the people who are cheering for her, REALLY cheering for her, are not the mother posting fake smiley photos of her on Farcebook, or the future-step-father professing his "dear" love for her while pimping her out for attention, or the phony, two-faced, disloyal twats she calls "friends," or the non-existent father who hunted down her brother and tried to intimidate him into "rescuing" her. The people who are really cheering for her and want to see her make it out of that death-trap alive, are the ones who she's been set up to hate. And, by golly, if she doesn't hate them, then she'll be hated too.
Since she started tweeting, NSIL has made a couple of comments that I think are indicative of her level of awareness about her fucked up FOO. Even amidst loads of self-deprecating tweets and tweets about how much she misses her brother, those speak volumes to me. The girl knows. She knows where the root of her problems lie. She knows the stem of her dysfunction lies with her fucked up family - the one she wants to badly to replace; the one that offers her no support; the one being led by the mama who acts like a five year old, the mama who's judgemental, the mama who callously leaves her behind, who has always left her behind. Yeah, NSIL knows.
So DH set up a new email account, one that is not associated with any other email accounts. And he sent another message to his sister there, as well as privately on Facebook. We have risked a lot to do this. If she even gets the messages, DH will probably appear desperate, which is one of the worst mentalities to reveal to an emotional manipulator. Both of these additional messages read: "NSIL, I'm writing this to you because I don't know if you received the letters that I put in the mail to you on November 5 and it's important to me to know that you got them. We called the hospital on November 6 and found out you had been discharged so we asked that they please forward the mail to your residence in the case that you hadn't gotten the letters before being discharged. If you're interested in seeing my letters, please give me your active email address and I will send them to you there. If not, I want you to know that we wish you well and this will be the last time I try to contact you. - DH."
I have to wonder if we'll EVER get confirmation that she's received the messages. I'm also finally coming to the realization that we've done all that we can do, and that in some cases, we've done too much. At one point, I told DH that I felt like we were behaving no better than his own parents, who keep sending him messages even when it's apparent that we don't want to converse with them. I wondered aloud whether his sister's initial phonecalls to him were just a ploy, and when they didn't accomplish the exact outcome she had anticipated, she decided not to respond to his subsequent attempts to contact her. And if that's really the case, then we've just sent her the same message three times, because we simply refused to accept the fact that she's apparently not interested in responding, or to take it one step further: She's no longer interested in communicating with DH, period, because he didn't rescue her the way she wanted to be rescued or in the time-frame she demanded he do it.
I could drive myself crazy trying to figure out the message behind her most recent fucking passive-aggressive commentary, or trying to figure out who the "you" is who she is apparently so mad at. But I won't. It's long past time to stop now. Like I've said before, she can tweet herself to an early grave if she wants to. And if that's where she wants to go, then who the hell are we to try and stop her?