Thursday, September 20, 2012

When You Can Count The Good Days On One Hand (Part 3 of 4)

 NSIL's Tweets 
January 2012 - May 2012

January 1, 2012
This year I think there's a couple things/people I gotta let go of.

January 1, 2012
Pretend like its okay.

January 1, 2012
Grossed out by myself

January 2, 2012
Not sure why this always fucking happens to me. #FUCKYOU #fuckeveryone 

January 3, 2012
food and i have a hate-love relationship

January 3, 2012
i will only be satisfied when you say i've taken it too far.

January 4, 2012
i love everyone right now

January 6, 2012
im a muthafuckin STTTARRRRRR

January 6, 2012
[Fellow Tweeter] and [teacher] were the only people enthusiastic about my juicy suit #mostpissed

January 8, 2012
idc what anyone says i will always think ribs, back and hip bones are sexy and ideal.

January 12, 2012
why are you like a celebrity? just because you're pretty? i actually hate you.

January 13, 2012
Can tonight get any worse?

January 13, 2012
you're perfect. i hate you.

January 15, 2012
suffers in silence.

January 15, 2012
But wait....I don't give a fuck what other people have to say. My life is MY life and I'll do what makes me happy and/or what I please.

January 17, 2012
hmm..what color should my next juicy suit be? any opinions? #snobbygirlproblems but no really..

January 19, 2012
feelin like death

January 21, 2012
can i be Rachel Mcadams please??

January 22, 2012
fuck this feeling.

January 22, 2012
Can i wake up from this nightmare now?

January 23, 2012
Sometimes I see girls and I'm just like, can I be you?

January 23, 2012
I'm not strong enough for this.

February 5, 2012
Why is that it is so easy to gain weight and SO HARD to lose weight yet people only seem to notice when people gain it? #tellemwhyyoumad

February 8, 2012
Some of the things people tweet would never even come out of their mouth in person

February 11, 2012
Honestly so appreciative of someone being brutally honest with me

February 14, 2012
It's like the whole world just walked out on me

February 14, 2012
Doing it for me this time, no one else, just me.

February 16, 2012
You never know just how you look through other peoples' eyes

February 17, 2012
i just wish i could talk to someone about this.

February 17, 2012
I'm feel so lucky to have such great friends #loveyou 

February 18, 2012
it's probably annoying for others and unhealthy on my part how often I post pictures of my dogs on Instagram... #obsessed 

February 19, 2012
lose weight. gain control.

February 19, 2012
Trying to shake this depressed feeling dude.

February 19, 2012
All I want is for my brother to watch me play lacrosse before I graduate. #wishfulthinking 

February 19, 2012
fuck da world.

February 20, 2012
Honestly why do I even bother anymore if no one notices

February 21, 2012
Buying [heart] shaped sunglasses has been the only good thing today.

February 25, 2012
I'm pretty happy, i think

February 26, 2012

February 27, 2012
I just wanna be Mariyln Monroe.

February 28, 2012
i hate you all. #sorryimnotsorry 

March 1, 2012
going to bed every night thinking about it, just hurts

March 1, 2012
I just wanna talk to you

March 1, 2012
I HATE when people think its funny to make fun of someone else

March 3, 2012
I don't deserve this.

March 3, 2012
drunk as a skunk

March 5, 2012
Lie to me once and I'll question everything you say after that.

March 6, 2012
I miss you

March 8, 2012
i just wanna be happy

March 16, 2012
Kendall Jenner is so skinny its actually unreal. #canibeyou 

March 19, 2012
It shouldn't take a death for you to to want to start telling your parents and friends that you love them..

March 20, 2012
No confidence

March 22, 2012
You probably weigh 50 pounds more than I do but you're 50 times more confident than I am. #teachme 

March 25, 2012
I'm not asking for anyone's opinion anymore because the only opinion that matters is my own.

April 5, 2012
If we die, I just want everyone to know that every time I've told you "I hate you".... I really did mean it.

April 10, 2012
you're so annoying.

April 10, 2012
Why are so many bad things happening lately?

April 10, 2012
I've been such a disappointment to myself lately.

April 12, 2012
Such an awful mood

April 13, 2012
Dissapointed in your decisions.

April 17, 2012
You will honestly never change.

April 18, 2012
I wanted this to work so badly but now everything is just falling apart.

April 19, 2012
i would do anything to have my brother back

April 24, 2012
i wish i had a super small waist like perfect hourglass figure  #canibeMarilynMonroeplease

April 25, 2012
Lol I look like shit...Fucking repulsive.

April 28, 2012
In the worst fucking mood

May 2, 2012
There is nothing I'm more jealous of than girls that are able to eat whatever they want all the time and still be stick thin. #notfair 

May 4, 2012
Who the fuck do you think you are omg

May 4, 2012
you're unbelievably incosiderate.

May 4, 2012
it's easy to be fat and hard to be skinny. #thingsihate 

May 8, 2012
I am not ready to grow up yet though..

May 15, 2012
you don't get it.

May 16, 2012
Done being nice to people that are ungrateful.

May 16, 2012
You are exactly what you hate

May 16, 2012
There's nothing I want more than to have my brother see me graduate.

May 17, 2012
Why is everything important in my life getting ruined

May 18, 2012
I know I should be happy right now but it is impossible.

May 22, 2012
why can't i lose this weight

May 22, 2012
I wish my brother was in my life :(  

May 26, 2012
great friends...

May 27, 2012
You complain about fake people daily when your the fakest of them all

May 27, 2012
didnt think it could get any worse but it did. this is rock bottom.

May 30, 2012
#Worstfeeling being the dumbest one in a group of smart people...the kids in my orientation group though...the ppl im m group are neuro and molecular biologists and have taken like 14 AP classes...

Analysis
[Broken up into sections by topic]

"Pretend like its okay"
Pretend like it's okay. Isn't that just the anthem of unenlightened ACoNs everywhere? Observe: "i love everyone right now" "I'm feel so lucky to have such great friends #loveyou." Really? Is this the same girl who constantly comments about how she feels unloved, she hates herself, and she has no friends? Out one side of her mouth, she talks about how "lucky" she is to have the friends that she has; and I can see that she has surrounded herself by a huge volume of people; and out the other side of her mouth she spews vitrol against those very people she calls "friend." Why? Probably because she knows on some subconscious level that she's alone in a room full of people. She knows that she has no real support system and that her friends are nothing more than the worst kinds of frenemies, all out to sleep with each other's mothers, cheat with each other's Significant Others, and feed each others' secrets to the gristmill. Her only answer to this is to maintain the same New Years Resolution each year: pretend like it's okay. That must be her anthem.

"im a muthafuckin STTTARRRRRR"
It's rare for NSIL to have these moments, but she does indeed have them. And by "these moments" I mean delusions of granduer. I think, when she says these types of things, she's either high as a kite or else experiencing a possible intense mood swing - possibly like those experienced in people who are Bi-Polar. I've hypothesized that NSIL may be Bi-Polar and I've noticed that narcissism and Bi-Polar Disorder often go hand-in-hand. 

"my brother"
So, one thing that annoys me about this: "All I want is for my brother to watch me play lacrosse before I graduate. #wishfulthinking" is that: He did see her play lacrosse. DH and I went to one of her lacrosse games in 2009 when she was playing against my (highschool) alma mater. She must have conveniently forgotten that, since telling the truth wouldn't have won her much of a pity party from all the people who love to hate DH for being such an "unsupportive bastard of a brother." And oh for the dear love of god: "i would do anything to have my brother back." I'm going to go ahead and say, no. You wouldn't "do anything" to have your brother back. Because the truth is you haven't done one damn thing to "get your brother back" and even if he "came back" he wouldn't be the brother you wanted him to be. And by the way, why isn't it ever YOU who has to be involved in the lives of other people? Case in point: "I wish my brother was in my life." Every single thing NSIL tweets about her brother shows her complete lack of interest in his life and the preconcieved notion that (surprise, surprise) life revolves around her. Like, has it ever crossed NSIL's mind that DH wanted her to care about the things going on in his life? You know, his wedding, the births of his children, his life with his FOC? Something tells me that NSIL will only ever see the world from her vantage point, because she just doesn't give a damn about what's going on in anyone else's. It's all about her. She wants DH to be there for her, she wants DH to see her graduate, she wants DH to talk to her on Christmas, she wants DH to call her. But, seriously, what the hell is in it for him? Answer: Not one damn thing.

 "tell me the truth...but shut the fuck up"
"Honestly so appreciative of someone being brutally honest with me." Vs. "I'm not asking for anyone's opinion anymore because the only opinion that matters is my own" and "But wait....I don't give a fuck what other people have to say. My life is MY life and I'll do what makes me happy and/or what I please." Enough said.

"shouldn't take a death to tell your parents you love them"
The pretty little delusions of an ACoN in denial look like this: "It shouldn't take a death for you to to want to start telling your parents and friends that you love them.." My, but isn't she just the little Golden Child Narcissist-in-the-making? Wouldn't everyone's problems be solved if DH would just pick up the phone, call his parents, and profess his undying love to them?

NSIL is [exactly what she hates]:
  • skinny perfect people
  • someone who says "you can do better"
  • you
  • fucking two faced
  • all of you
  • annoying
  • everyone
  • herself
  • everyone
  • you
  • you
  • you all
  • a person who thinks it's funny to make fun of other people
  • life
  • herself
  • herself
  • you
Um, so can we say, "identity crisis?" Yeah, sounds about right.

3 comments:

  1. Wow, no words for these tweets.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow indeed. I'm sorry, Jonsi, but who would "tweet" such garbage? Why put this shit out into the world? Who does this? Big time borderline. I am so glad that when I was young (I assume she's young) I didn't have social media (took college classes with typewriter!) to put out every fart of feeling I had.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Please help this young woman before she kills herself one way or another.
    Someone besides you and DH, please see this is a disaster in the making. She HAS no sense of self. She has no hope for the future, no hope for her. Minimally, she has a hate thing with her physical appearance. But she also has insight: "I'm not ready to grow up yet."
    I wouldn't want to either if I believed "Growing Up" was more of the same. Why do these young people kill themselves? IMO certainly in part because they have some NP telling them with all the sticky sweetness we all know so well, "But Honey! These are THE BEST YEARS OF YOUR LIFE!!" Really? REALLY??
    "Daddy" (DH) can't help her. You can't help her. The people that CAN and SHOULD aren't paying attention.
    They don't give a shit and she knows it.
    But to acknowledge that would be devastating to her right now. So she's coping-barely.
    TW

    ReplyDelete