Thursday, August 30, 2012

#dontjudgeme

If she could have hand-selected anyone for DH to marry, NMIL would have picked this girl. Exhibit A.

I'm not kidding.

DH told me that NMIL had him marry her twice, when they were children.

Oh. DH. I'm so sorry that you picked me instead, when you could have had...this:

June 11, 2012
Love it when people think they know everything. [icon for thumbs up] #ignorant

June 11, 2012

Omg you sound DUMB

June 11, 2012

He may have cheated on you, but in the long run, he cheated himself. #lifeofaprincess

June 11, 2012

Toothache [icons for angry face, thumbs down]

June 12, 2012

I think a nap is in order before I can do my work for the day.

June 12, 2012

Allergies are dragging me down today... [icon for thumbs down]

June 12, 2012

i need a polo, vineyard vines, and lilly shopping spree sooner rather than later. #retailtherapy

June 12, 2012

Maybe if I start treating people the way they treat me, they'll realize how much it hurts. 

June 13, 2012

#sorryicantdateyou if you don't like my mom's sauce.

June 13, 2012

@findevan where you at? Hope you're doing well!!

June 14, 2012

I constantly have a battle with myself on what to wear.. #ugh! #toomanyclothes

June 14, 2012

Dyinggggg right now... [icon for thumbs down]

June 14, 2012

Driving places takes up so much time..

June 14, 2012

I'm complaining. Hah sorry..

June 15, 2012

Happy four years my love @fiance so excited to marry my best friend in 2 months & 3 days.  [Yes! We're all just sooooooo excited to be counting down with you!]

June 15, 2012

Stuffing invitations [icon for wedding ring]

June 15, 2012

OH MY LORD I JUST BENT MY FINGERNAIL BACKWARDS IM CRYINGGGGGG 

June 16, 2012

Getting our wedding band

June 16, 2012
I can't even listen to "you are my sunshine" because I'll just cry.. #loveitsomuch 

June 17, 2012
Being classy is a full time job #CountryClubProb 

June 17, 2012
OMG..... [angry face icon]

June 17, 2012

Some kid just puked at PeachWave.... GROSS.

June 18, 2012
Holy fuckkkk I'm tired

June 20, 2012

Sometimes you need to distance yourself from people. If they care, they'll notice. If they don't, then you know where you stand.

June 21, 2012
I hate when I want to be brutally honest but I don't want to be ugly. Those sometimes seem to go hand and hand. #ugh 

June 21, 2012

#sorryimnotsorry

June 22, 2012
Our first wedding gift!! #tiffanys #wedding [Pic of a box in Tiffany blue]

June 22, 2012
ANYONE ELSE GOING TO THE MERMAID PARADE ON CONEY ISLAND?? #MermaidParade @MermaidParade [Well. I was gonna take my two year old, but now that I know you're going...]

June 22, 2012
I have perfect mermaid hair. It better look this good tomorrow!!!

June 24, 2012
Who wants to go to Nantucket for a couple of days with me?

June 25, 2012
A much needed chooch night! #bbqchicken #love 

June 26, 2012
About to snap.

June 26, 2012
My favorite @lillypulitzer bag is sold out [broken heart icon]

June 28, 2012
Sometimes I'm a bitch. Sorry. #lifeofaprincess

June 28, 2012
I JUST SAW A GIANT SPIDER AND NOW I CAN'T FIND IT.

June 28, 2012
It fell on my pillow. I want to die.

June 28, 2012
I have 3 things in my cart, the lady in front of me has at least 200 and she wouldn't let me go in front of her. #sopolite 

June 29, 2012
In my next house I better have a GIANT kitchen..

June 29, 2012
Both Pinterest & Instagram aren't working. wtf ): I always scroll through right before bed!

June 30, 2012
Really hate that I have allergies in the summer.. [thumbs down icon]

July 4, 2012
#rude

July 5, 2012
Renaming my future children. Well, 2 outta 4..

July 6, 2012
Lol just got asked out at the gas station...he was like "I'm new in the area. Wanna go out?" I was like uhm no. Go to the spot." hahaha [Wow. We're all, like, so impressed]

July 7, 2012
Am I asking to much? Honestly.. #annoyed 

July 8, 2012
Bee sting on my heel

July 9, 2012
Finally settled on names for my little girls (when the time comes) ha

July 10, 2012
I'll prob break 11k tweets today. #toteshappening 

July 10, 2012
The worst feeling in the world is not knowing where you stand with someone you care about.

July 11, 2012
I feel like it isn't that hard to look up my account number, but I guess it is. #seriously #att 

July 12, 2012
I need to be in Cape Cod or Block Island right now..!!!! #missit 

July 12, 2012
Very excited for my bridal shower next Saturday (:

July 12, 2012
Shit, I don't have a dress!!!

July 13, 2012
#IUnfollowedYouBecause you act like a petulant child and I was tired of your constant begging for attention #YepISaidIt

July 15, 2012
Just know wherever you are, honey, I pray for you.

July 15, 2012
#YouShouldKnowBetterThan to lie to me. I always find out.

July 16, 2012
I have so many clothes & no where to put them. #ineedbiggerclosets 

July 16, 2012
Disappointed in the amount of people not coming [to my bridal shower] on Saturday. [thumbs down icon] 

July 16, 2012
I'm the princess. I do what I want. #lifeofaprincess 

July 16, 2012
When my bras and panties match I really feel like I have my whole life together. 

July 17, 2012
I just got hit on by the delivery guy... How do you even respond to "Ooo I'd want you as my babysitter"?!

July 17, 2012
Headache status..[thumbs down icon]

July 17, 2012
What the fuck is up everyone's asses tonight? #fuuuuck..

July 18, 2012
Which means... ONE MONTH TIL MY WEDDING!!

July 18, 2012
My toe hurts like a B!!!

July 18, 2012
Are you kidding me UPS?! You delivered our packages to my neighbor, who isn't ever home, and now our things are soaked? SERIOUSLY?! [GASP! The nerve!]

July 18, 2012
some guy asked me out at a gas station last week. I'm like "Uhm, I'm getting married in a month. BYEEE." haha #nastycreep 

July 20, 2012
I feel like my foot shouldn't hurt this much..?

July 21, 2012
Bridal shower today

July 21, 2012
Why is my stomach sick? not cool!! [You know? I don't know! Why is your brain sick?]

July 21, 2012
What a wonderful Bridal Shower that was...We got so much awesome stuff!!

July 22, 2012
Is there a stomach bug going around..? I feel like I've caught it...

July 22, 2012
Yesterday was so much fun. Seriously. I loved seeing everyone

July 22, 2012
The majority of my bridesmaids are blonde haha [When these are the kinds of thoughts that take up the space in your head, it's no wonder you aren't very deep.]

July 23, 2012
All these random people are adding my on Facebook. Why [Ah, but aren't these the deep questions of life?]

July 23, 2012
I've had like 8 new friend requests in a week. #nosypeople 

July 23, 2012
I feel like my foot should be somewhat healed... #itisnt

July 24, 2012
Some jackass seriously parked behind me? Really?

July 24, 2012
Annoyed

July 24, 2012

Seriously? It's not that difficult.

July 24, 2012
You had the world in the palm of your hands, but you fuckin choked.

July 24, 2012
Why do I always feel like everyone is going behind my back?

July 25, 2012
Sometimes people just really bug me #NotSorry 

July 25, 2012
Awww sweetie if I wanted your snotty little opinion I would have asked for it. #blessyourheart 

July 25, 2012
Take a walk in my shoes sweetheart I dare you

July 25, 2012
#ImEasilyAnnoyedWhen people are disrespectful to others for no reason.... Nothing gets on my nerves more .

July 25, 2012
And it just keeps getting worse. Honestly I just want to cancel this whole thing & get eloped so I don't have to deal with all of this SHIT.

July 26, 2012
I looked out my window and as soon as I did there was a huge bolt of lightening for like 10 seconds. I was like crying! Haha

July 26, 2012
Someone go get me PeachWave!

July 26, 2012
Love how some people aren't coming to the wedding because of other people and say "hope you're not offended" OF FUCKING COURSE I AM.

July 28, 2012

Why do I feel so sick....

July 28, 2012
The CUTEST lil baby girl is at o'neal's right now. #babyfever 

July 28, 2012
When people don't answer me #petpeeve 

July 28, 2012
As if this night couldn't get any worse..

July 29, 2012

Bless your poor heart, it must really suck to suck.

July 29, 2012
Dear girls who feel the need to curse in every tweet they send: you sound beyond trashy. Sincerely, the classy girls.

July 29, 2012
My cranium hurts

July 30, 2012
When my parents asked for a daughter, they were sent a princess. #LifeOfABarbie 

August 1, 2012
I am getting married THIS MONTH.

August 1, 2012
Is it nap time yet?

August 1, 2012
Bah I feel so sick..

August 1, 2012
What a little shit.

August 2, 2012
MY SHINS!!!!!

August 2, 2012
I feel like I'm on fire [I think that's called HERPES?]

August 2, 2012
I ran out of V8... What the hell am I supposed to have for breakfast?! [Are you trying to make it look like you're a healthy eater? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you've been demanding that someone bring you a bacon egg and cheese sandwich everyday for the last month.]

August 2, 2012
I ordered cheese ravioli but instead I got wings? How does that work? [Case in point.]

August 2, 2012
I won't give you the fucking privilege of taking away my happiness.

August 3, 2012
My anxiety is getting the best of me today.. [What part of you would you consider "the best?" I wasn't aware you had one of those.]

August 3, 2012
The average size of a wedding party is 12 (6 bridesmaids, 6 groomsmen). How many are in yours? 20 including me & hubby!

August 3, 2012
Yay my platelets are normal!

August 3, 2012
#OneDay I will be an amazing wife and mother

August 4, 2012

Bachelorette party tonight!!!

August 4, 2012
Bachelorette Party!!!



August 4, 2012
I smell of pure alcohol. [Thumbs up icon]

August 4, 2012

Having to meet with your caterer the morning after your bachelorette party [Ten thumbs down icons]

August 5, 2012

I just want to RELAX but everyone else likes making me do everything.. #seriously

August 6, 2012
I just want to punch everyone.

August 6, 2012
The wedding is 12 days away and I'm STILL waiting on people to respond. Fuck it. If you don't have a name card, you don't get a seat.

August 6, 2012
I JUST SAW THE PRESIDENT ON I95!...They had i95 south blocked off an I saw all the important cars, including his! Hah

August 8, 2012
The woman next to me keeps popping her gum. I'm about to pop her face with my fist.

August 9, 2012
Forever tired.

August 9, 2012
THE WEATHER CHANNEL SAYS ITS GOING TO BE CLOUDY NEXT SATURDAY. FREAKING OUT...NOT ALLOWED. I AM GETTING MARRIED THAT DAY!!!

August 9, 2012
I need to stop feeling so sick [Sad face icon]

August 9, 2012
Seriously.. Can I STOP getting sick?! My wedding is in 9 days!!!!!

August 9, 2012
I'm just gonna stop eating until the wedding. No need to be sick.

August 9, 2012
Fuck this.

August 10, 2012

My sister is getting a fucking neck tattoo the WEEK before my wedding. Are you KIDDING ME?! Seriously? I'm in shock. So angry right now.

August 10, 2012
POISON IVY ON MY RING FINGER?!?!

August 11, 2012
Fuck you dunkin donuts! They told me the coolata machine was broken and then the person after me ordered one & got one. WTF.

August 11, 2012
First time in WEEKS that I feel like I can breathe & I don't have a huge weight on my chest! #relief 

August 11, 2012
Whateva, I do what I want.

August 12, 2012

reading all these sad quotes/poems about honoring the deceased in wedding programs & i'm crying. #imissyouall

August 13, 2012

Down 5lbs in two days. And not even on purpose. But hey! 5lbs is 5lbs! #sweet

August 14, 2012

My Thursday is so busy, idk if I'll even have time to breathe! #yikes

August 14, 2012

meh! pissed i didn't have time for tanning todayy. :(

August 14, 2012

Almost just sent a text meant for my fiancé to an old coworker... #THANKGODIDIDNT #PHEW

August 14, 2012

dick suck tonight?

August 15, 2012

You have GOT to be kidding me..

August 17, 2012

Feels like I was punched in the eye..

August 17, 2012

I'll be in my wedding gown at this time tomorrow!!! #ohlord

August 19, 2012
[TONS of pictures from her wedding]

August 20, 2012

So thankful to have so many wonderful people in my life. I love you all!

August 20, 2012

[More pictures from her wedding]

August 21, 2012

Buying [husband's victim's] dream 80" tv right now... I'm such an awesome wife.

August 21, 2012
my husband loves when I have so many different outfits! He just doesn't like that I take up all the closet space

August 22, 2012
Whoever said "the best things in life are free" is stupid. And wrong. And clearly has never been shopping. #lifeofaprincess 

August 23, 2012
The world is a happier place when made up of polite words and smiles.

August 23, 2012
really? you texted me four times?

August 24, 2012
Oh sweetie, bless your heart..

August 24, 2012
i get the most random friend requests.. lmao

August 24, 2012

[More pictures from her wedding]

August 24, 2012

Well everyone found out all my secrets. Thanks never have I ever!

August 25, 2012
My love with his wedding gift from his new AMAZING wife. [Picture of her husband and a giant tv]

August 26, 2012
#dontjudgeme

August 26, 2012
[Five year old kid] didn't even want to open the rest of his presents after opening ours. #sweet 

August 26, 2012
LOVE seeing exes and you're doing much better than they are.

August 27, 2012
I keep having dreams that I'm pregnant.

August 27, 2012
Yeahhh... Def allergic to gluten. [Thumbs down icon]

August 28, 2012
If more girls were willing to be ladies, more guys would be challenged to be gentlemen. #foodforthought [So. What you're saying is...your husband's not a gentlemen?]

August 28, 2012
Forget your lust for the rich man's gold, all that you need is in your soul

August 28, 2012
Since my wedding, I've been drinking a lot.. #sorrynotsorry [But. You think you might be pregnant? Damn, bitch.]

August 29, 2012
I JUST GOT ATTACKED BY A SPIDER!!! IM CRYINGGGG!! [Like OMG!! Did he call you fat? What an asshole!!!]

August 30, 2012
If you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question. [Say what? You don't actually believe this, do you?] 

August 30, 2012
It's called being nice, don't take advantage of it.

August 30, 2012
I have zero patience. #sorrynotsorry

31 comments:

  1. At least she can quote a Skynrd song.
    Last time you did this, I asked how old they are because they sound like my 13 year old step daughter. However my 13 year old step daughter is now 15 and she's grown out of being this insipid.
    Those kids can really sling some Bon Mots.
    I wish to hell you would quit pixelating this chicks face.
    I just don't think there is the requisite hotness needed to eff her, much less him bankrupting himself frantically seeking to be legally bound to her and her every whim as she signs his name to every restaurant check, credit card chit, parking ticket, bail agreement, pawn shop receipt, pay day loan, title loan, second mortgage, credit cards she has in his name but sent to an undisclosed post office box along with any notice's of foreclosure, IRS intent to lien notifications, sundry notices's to appear in court, notice's of default judgement, as well as all the unpaid bills for the now unreturnable Time/Life book series about "Mimes surviving the Nazi occupation of Paris during WWII" that she ordered while shit faced as a snarky Christmas present to give to Jonsi because she thought it would really be hilarious to snub her like that but sobered up and forgot all about it.
    If I was this guy I would blow my brains out this very second. Right now this minute. Each passing second will become like a fresh blow to his spirit from the scythe of the grim reaper.

    ReplyDelete
  2. #dodged a bullet

    I must be getting old. I don't even know what a thumbs up icon looks like.

    These kinds of women and their "princess" mentality make me sick. When did this become popular? (For the record, I also can't stand dads who only refer to their daughters as "little princesses". Because God forbid, they be something else besides daddy's little doll. Labeling, labeling, labeling.)

    What saddens me most about this bitch, is that she'll be someone's mom someday. And we all know how that will go for the kids. "Fetch me some bacon! Rub my aching feet! Sorry I had to be so blunt (brutal/ugly) but it was for your own good! Kiss my ass, I'm a princess! Me! ME! MEEEE!!!!" The husband, obviously if he can read twitter, knows what the hell he is in for, but the poor kids don't have a choice. May god bless them and keep them.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Jessie. The thumbs up icon looks just like the thumbs down icon except it's pointed 180 degrees off the direction that the thumbs down icon is pointed.
    Glad I could clear that up for you.
    Yes, she will be somebody's mom someday.
    The bigger question is if her husband will be somebody's dad.
    I get the feeling that the husband earns, or will earn in the mid six figures.
    That, and sacking groceries at wal-mart, and having a paper route should keep her in the manner she is accustomed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahahaha!!! Thanks for that Q, I needed the laugh today.

      I think if we wanted to hope that this guy could be any kind of a dad, we only need to look at the fact that he wouldn't be marrying such a bitch, knowing she would be the mother of his children, if he wanted to be a good dad. Obviously, his taste in women lies in his nether regions.

      Delete
  4. OMG!!!! She's like as deep as the puddle of puke she chucked up in the alley outside her fav bar when she got WAAASTEDDD!! Got it all over her brand new Lily Pulitzer bag!! That bartender musta put something in her drink to make her sick...like a SPIDERRR! WTF!!! CRYINGGGGG!!!!!!! But it's like so crazy that while she was puking this guy walked up to her and totally hit on her! He was like "Wanna go inside for a drink?? You're super hot when you puke!!!" #LifeofaBarbiePrincess
    -J

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yk the guy who made "skin suits"?
    I now have a clearer understanding of why this happens. Maybe her DH will find one that finally "fits" her sometime in the next 12 mo. if he can't get an annulment and she "disappears." At least she'll have something that finally "fits" because the rest of her wardrobe appears to be several sizes too small unless she's playing "dress-up for when I'm preggers" because she always has something wrong with her including "baby fever." I think we called that "Morning Sickness" except it lasted all day for months. Apparently she's been pregnant since she was 11.
    OTOH, maybe he can get her into a lil' bondage/S&M. At least he could gag her "for fun." Oops, watch the fake nails, sweetie! Dey hwwt when dey bend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I don't think it's ever a good idea to bring up "ex's" when you're married. Ever. That's just low-down. And unnecessary.
    But every picture tells a story, don't it, Rod?! ;)
    TW

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ok, tell the truth. This is the script for a failed sitcom, right?

    ReplyDelete
  7. "This is the script for a failed sitcom, right?"
    Or the mine canary warning of the impending doom of civilization.
    Think of Faraday. And Voltaire. And Bell and Edison as well as Marconi and Tesla and thousands of names you will never hear. The hundreds of thousands of hours innovating products that led to other products that would someday evolve into the bits of the bits that all co-exist in this hand held device that enables people to communicate instantly with any one any where in the world.
    Who would have imagined that its highest and best use would be for two women to complain about cramps as they sit in adjoining Starbucks.

    ReplyDelete
  8. They say that nothing god creates is without purpose. Her August 14th activity seems to indicate she is a skilled and willing provider of blow jobs.
    It's not an all encompassing foundation for a healthy marriage, but it is a good place to start.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Those probably ended post haste on the "Wedding Night." She was too sick and will now forever remain "too sick" between hang nails, "Hoof and Mouth Disease" (never mind everything in between including the "on-fire" herpes manifestations) and "normal platelets."
    I think she confused that with the "Normal Plate" they stuck in her head post-lobotomy. That was discovered on a follow-up scan to see if there was anything left up there besides the installed Plate.
    #Nope
    TW

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yeah TW. I know of the bait and switch. My first wife developed lock jaw on our wedding night.
    I never did tell her that she sleeps with her mouth open.
    The twitter chick is not really a bad looking gal. Maybe she should see a dermatologist. Her complexion is sort of ruddy and kind of looks like those first pictures of Neil Armstrong walking on the moon. It might be something in the water. Those two male strippers have whatever she has too.
    I dated more than one woman that talked like this. Long before twitter.
    By date I mean drove through the beer barn and Taco Bell. Then humped her in the back seat before I shoved her out in a part of town that the police won't enter without air cover and driving an armored vehicle.
    Man Jonsi. I want to thank you for pulling this one out. These twitter posts are great. I can't stop myself.
    I am sorry I ran every one off.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think you've run everyone off, Q. And a huge reason why I keep doing these Exhibit A twitter posts is because she's such an AWESOME study in narcissism. The other part is because I love reading everyone's comments. Watching this twit get torn to shreds is a very amusing past time.

      Delete
  11. Please take a look at her first tweet from Aug. 21: There it is, the proof that the good times are OVER. She purchased her "victim" a huge TV in front of which he will spend a great deal of time salivating at porn every time he thinks he can get away with it. Which will be about as much as this "victim" is gonna get for the rest of his life. He'd have better luck in a Monastery or the-never mind. I'll just annoy the Catholics. I hope they registered for 14C/Designer wrist supports, because this guy is gonna develop carpal tunnel from all that repetitive motion. Wonder if he's an "up-'n-down" kind a guy or a "Roley-Poley" type? Probably the latter based on his type of woman. In case you haven't noticed EVERYTHING about this one is "Oversized" from the egos to the accouterments. Maybe he'll get the TV in the Divorce, but I doubt it. Since she's been drinking a lot since her "Wedding" I imagine it was everything she dreamed it would be and a good excuse for passing out-no sex tonight, "victim." (Wanna bet he's drinking MORE?)
    Q, you mentioned some time ago your belly had it's own zip code. No, THIS has it's own zip code and it's not even pregnant or close to 50. Go back and look at some of the previous pix. The "Mermaid" ones were particularly...."instructive."
    And no mention of #famous person for whom she spent so much time on her knees she wore out a few pairs of knee pads when she wasn't making him cupcakes and eating all but the last 2. Huh. That's...odd. No doubt #famous person received and invite. Could it possibly be he didn't RESPOND? OMG!!!!!!
    TW

    ReplyDelete
  12. "Watching this twit get torn to shreds is a very amusing past time."

    Consider me your humble servant.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SWEET! Seriously. Between you and TW, my hunger for a little "blood sport" is satiated.

      Delete
  13. Oh dear. She sounds just like the woman an old crush of mine married. The poor guy's life went straight to hell after that. Well, there's no way a person could withstand being exposed to that amount of self-absorption and not suffer....*shakes head sadly*

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm not tearing her to shreds-she's shredded herself and appears to wear the results on a regular basis. That's why her closet is so loaded with clothes-that-don't-fit. Drive down any seedy street in any metro area and you'll see essentially the same wardrobe purchased at much less cost from Frederick's of Hollywood (or provided by their Pimp) right down to the knock-off "designer" hand bags. I kid you not.
    The clear indicator of a Narc Female is their insistence they're "HOT" when it's abundantly clear they're NOT. And showing waaay too much skin that speaks to tons of junk food and an inability to resist the double bacon cheeseburgers accompanied by copious sides of fries. Of course the GOAL is male attention-ANY male attention, real or imagined which speaks to the male looking for an easy, cheap lay: "It's not the size of the prize, it's the motion of the ocean." Guys will routinely hit up on "women" who look like this knowing full well the likely-hood of being turned down is slim to none. It's not gonna hurt the guy's feelings any if they're turned down for what ever reason because there's plenty more just like her and eventually someone will say, "Yes" especially around closin' time. I've met a few women just like this one and yes, they firmly believe they're BEAUTIFUL. Really. ALL men WANT THEM!!! The guys can barely CONTROL themselves!!! (They're too busy laughing, making less than favorable comments among themselves and taking bets on who's gonna "git her.") So they selectively filter out the guys that ignore them/look away and laugh and latch onto a comment like the guy at the gas station. Ex: Some random guy asked her out/to "babysit" so that's confirmation ALL men agree she's HOT!
    Aug 28: "If more girls were willing to be ladies, more guys would be challenged to be gentlemen. #foodforthought" Apparently that's one "food group" which she's never even sampled-or heard of.
    Still wonder what happened to #famous person; all those cupcakes/BJ's and he didn't even respond/show up at her Wedding-Of-The-Century. Aug. 6 "Fuck it. If you don't have a name card you don't get a seat." If #famous person's Personal Assistant even saw this, no doubt the "threat" didn't work as expected. If he did acknowledge/show up, no doubt it would have been all OVER the pictures, tweets from the twat, etc.
    No, this one comes fully equipped with her OWN personal self-shredder. Just like any other "Barbie"/"Princess" accessory.
    TW

    ReplyDelete
  15. This chick's problem is that reality has yet to step in and check that ego. Let this bitch meet a guy and really get her head turned.
    Not some pussy whipped frat boy like the one she married. A guy who can get laid without waiting for some drunk bitch to slip and fall on his penis. Some guy who doesn't grovel when she flits away and takes the pussy with her.
    Let her start chasing around after him while the cash machine is at work.
    And let her get this guy cornered, and for once in her life, be the person who is taking the risks and making the moves she finds so distasteful from others.
    Watch her face when he tells her he wouldn't fuck her with a dogs dick.
    All the gleeful hilarity she gets from leading men on and then letting them know she is out of their league will be gone. All of the eye rolling and the "as if's" that her friend's use to automatically elevate themselves above any guy that has the audacity to express his attraction for them won't be on display. Like they would ever hook up with a guy that expresses his desire to be with them.
    Women don't take rejection well at all.
    Women like this shut down like a rusty chain saw.
    Unless she makes that move and he bangs her like a loose storm shutter in a hurricane.
    And then zips up and leaves her phone number crumpled up next to the wet spot.
    OOOOOOOOO I had to take it there.
    Why didn't someone stop me?
    Can you tell that women like her piss me off?
    Let's just say that me and her kind have a long history.
    It sucks to have to spend hours getting a trollop like this naked when they could cooperate and cut the time down to 45 minutes or less.






    ReplyDelete
  16. "Can you tell that women like her piss me off?"

    I'm quite surprised you're even calling her a "woman" at all. She is so NOT a woman.

    ReplyDelete
  17. How about life support system for a vagina?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I think that's more like it.

      Delete
    2. That would make her husband nothing more than a TWAT PLUG, right?

      Delete
    3. It's a Dynamic Intra- Cervical Kabob (dick) semen delivery system. An all natural applicator that reaches those hard get at places.
      Available in two colors. Passion Pink, and taint.

      Delete
    4. HAHAHAHA! Oh god, I can't even come close to touching that one!

      Delete
  18. OK, so I will.
    I think she's repeatedly tried on both models to which q referred. But she missed some other very useful accessories for the Dynamic Intra-Cervical Kabobs which is a down-right shame and is likely why it resulted in the kind of "fire down below" that NO ONE wants. She failed to recognize they can come with their very own "wardrobes" so she could have dressed them up in the outfit de jour: ex: Glow-In-The-Dark Bright Blue Ribbed just in case it's dark and she wants to locate the Kabob to be sure it hasn't died from a sudden tragic drunk death, Camo for those "Stealth Moments," Black Magic for a Walk on the Wild Side/Urban Myth "Research," Blindingly Green for St. Patty's Day and of course, Rudolph Red for the "Christmas Present" for (who else?) her or Valentine's Day. I bet she could find one to coordinate with her latest Lilly P. handbag and it's a great place to stash the "wardrobe." They come in a variety of sizes from 3XL ("Where IS it?") to "For Veterinary Use Only" so the Kabob owner doesn't feel "diminished" in any way. They also have handy/discrete receptacles conveniently located at the very tip, which can be utilized as "ticklers" until the right moment. She could use her knee pad experiences as a primer (another "all natural applicator") to dress up the Kabob and the owner will be so impressed-"Look, no hands!"-resistance will be unlikely.
    Not only are they lubed, but there are FLAVORED lubes, so she could certainly find her fav with no problem-maybe even PeachWave! Although these wardrobe accessories are meant to withstand a great deal of friction, that would be a non-issue anyway. The Kabob owner will have to take safety precautions before the spelunking expedition and make sure they are securely attached to a cable firmly anchored to another stud-the one in the wall.
    For all her attention to "cute outfits" I can't imagine how she missed this opportunity but clearly she did and is now paying the price for the rest of her life for something she could have picked up in the check-out line in the grocery store. (Instead of picking up something else from #somerandomguy.EWWWW) And you can't tell me she never goes THERE!
    TW

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  19. Jonsi. Here's a revolutionary bit of thinking. Do any of these people ever stop to think that if this fat chick and your husband had any real feelings for each other, and him not be invested in you, that maybe they he would have married her, and not you?

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    1. Well Q, given their propensity towards delusional thinking, no. I don't think thoughts of that nature have ever dawned on them.

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  20. I couldn't stomach reading them all. I've stepped in puddles deeper than her.

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  21. Well that exhausting and I only read the one month worth of bird crap. One day the husband may use her twitters as proof of her mental instability in a divorce fight.

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  22. Exhibit A is by far my favorite character in your cast. This display describes her perfectly! Unbelievable! Her poor children...

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