Saturday, June 23, 2012

What A Tart


A picture really does speak a thousand words, especially one that a narcissist tweets of herself that she thinks is cute/attractive/socially acceptable/sexy (barf). I kid you not, my friends, this is Exhibit A. Can you say capital-T, Tart? Even if I am ugly on the outside, my emotional innards are FAR prettier than the reflection Exhibit A is hoping to see when she gazes into the mirror. I think even the mirror would have a hard time lying to her. Actually, I'm pretty sure that her external appearance matches her internal one quite closely. I'd say this picture is the perfect representation of precisely what she is.

What's funny to me is that girls like this don't actually have any self-esteem to speak of, and so they walk around snapping photos of themselves, like the ones on her Twitter account, thinking that it will make them feel better but in actuality, it never does. I just...don't get it. Does she think she looks good? Does she think this is attractive? Would she care if she realized that most people who look at this who have any sort of self-respect wouldn't find this attractive at all? I'm someone who believes that women, all women, deserve respect, even when they don't expect if for themselves...but holy hell does this girl make it hard to maintain that value.

Instead of feeling bad for her, I'll just lob some of her insults right back in her direction: Um, like honey? Your outfit is causing my retinas an intense amount of pain & I plan on billing you. And like, I totally get that your nickname from the "meat department" is babydoll, but we all know that there are a ton of morons out there right? Like, um, were you drunk when you picked out that outfit? No? Wait, what's that? Oh, I see. So you picked it out for a Mermaid Parade? Like, um, what? I mean, how old are you, twenty three? Cause, I'm pretty sure that only three-year-olds dress up in mermaid clothes and pretty-princess crowns and wait to meet Prince Charming. Like...I feel bad for those seven kids you plan on having, cause like, you're gonna be competing with your two-year-old daughters, like daily, and your sons will probably feel like you're emotionally raping them everyday. Gawd....like, bitches get stitches! (Whatever that means). I know you think you're hot, but damn gurrrrrrlllllllfrannnnd, PLEASE PUT SOME CLOTHES ON THAT ACTUALLY FIT YOU. Honey. didn't anyone ever tell you that you look like a chubby three-year-old in dress-up and that you aren't supposed to go out in public like that? Looks to me like SOMEONE needs to be slapped across the face with a little thing called the truth.

I mean, I could deal with this if she wasn't such a vapid, controlling, meddling, conniving selfish twit. But the fact that she is all of those things just makes this picture so sad that it's just a little bit funny. I go back and forth between those two feelings, but mostly I just have to laugh.

She's pathetic.

21 comments:

  1. If I were her, I would be really embarrassed.

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    Replies
    1. Hiya Jonsi!

      Long time no chat. I hope you tweet because I've come up with a tweet for that TWAT.

      It goes like this...

      Girl, your hair is sooo 80s!
      Don't fret, you could be a hipster, cause your tits - real or fake -are dropping that way.

      Hope that wasn't too crasss. I hate the bitch. And I don't know her, but I do know her.

      Jonsi, your honesty is effing profound and timely!

      Keep going! The force is with you!!

      Lisette

      Delete
    2. "Tweet for that Twat"

      THAT would be a fantastic poem. Maybe if I get enough comments, I'll make a poem out of everyone's funny commentary on that picture.

      Too crass my friend? Hell to the no! Keep it coming!

      Delete
    3. I could do a "Caption the Photo" contest. :o)

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    4. "The Twittering Twit Tweets her Twat"

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  2. BWHAHAHAHA! She's a true "Gut Buster!" Please tell me this is a Halloween costume.....no, lemme guess again-it's her Wedding Gown. The ta-tas are definitely the after-market implants. Daddy couldn't afford the "good ones" for her14th birthday so she'll have these replaced after all her johns off Craigs List pay up: "Those bitches! I spent all that time on my knees or my back and they still won't pay up? That's it-No more anal! My asshole is big enough!"
    So, when's the due date? Any guesses on the babydaddy? Actually, I think her name IS "The Meat Department."
    TW

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  3. What's that in her hair? Looks like a flock of geese flew over and dropped a load.
    TW

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    1. Ha! TW, part of me posted this just for you. I knew you'd have a blast with this. We all know she'll be dressing like this well into her...80s...she'll be trying to hold onto her youth forever, even though she'll never actually grow up intellectually or emotionally. I think the "costume" was for some parade she went to. The tweets that went along with the photos (of which there are more like the above) indicated that she went to a "Mermaid Parade," whatever the hell that is.

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  4. On closer inspection of the photograph, I think you might be dealing with Atilla the Hun. I'll send the word, and I'll call in Canadian back-up.

    Only us Canadians are familiar with extreme beer gut.

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    Replies
    1. I knew the comments would be even funnier than the photo itself...hysterical, Lisette. :o)

      This photo was just so over the top, it had to be posted. I would have regretted NOT posting it if she all of sudden set her twitter to private tomorrow. Gosh, the world needs a laugh, and by golly, I wanted to give it one!

      Delete
    2. LOL!!!

      Seriously. We don't deserve that kind of punishment.

      Delete
  5. Pride Parade is in Toronto next weekend. We have Drag Queens with better taste in clothes and they're a hell of a lot better looking!

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  6. Her beer gut is bigger than mine and mine has it's own zip code.

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  7. I assume the picture of the woman writing that you use is you? You don't you look like you weigh a full buck after you step out of the shower.
    I heard that other chick bought a talking scale and when she stepped on it it said,"please only one person at a time."

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  8. Q, You made me laugh so hard I almost wet myself and I sure as hell won't be buying a talking scale!

    If the stringy bits are supposed to hide that belly I would have to say, "Massive FAIL!"

    My DD and I have a strict "honesty" about each other's wardrobe choices. When I see someone dressed THAT inappropriately my 1st thought is, "Wow! If someone TRULY loved her, they'd tell her how bad that outfit looks."

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  9. Oh c'mon. That's part of her "Work Wardrobe." On closer inspection I see the tassel hanging off the outside of the right over-stuffed cup-whoops, that's a mug, not a cup; she must left it's partner under the bed at some no-tell motel.
    Like seriously, she must have totally "registered" her Wedding stuff at Frederick's. VS stuff, like, is "Gift Wear" and #Famous Person gave her, like a $25. Gift Card for her "Cup Cakes." (The 2 left over after she seriously ate like the other 34.) And like all the time she spent seriously on her knees. She's gonna like totally replace her knee-pads at an "Upscale" Sporting Goods store-they last longer especially with all that use and WEIGHT they gotta "bare." Like the current bitches/knee-pads are BEYOND stitches. "#So like PAY UP you other bitches! And like seriously, BUY me a FULL_LENGTH MIRROR! I deserve the BEST! And like I NEEEED Bail Money! NOW!"
    I noted in the local paper she was arrested for indecent exposure, harassment, disorderly conduct and inciting a riot after she jumped on a "Mermaid Parade" Float and attempted to perform her "routine" for the crowd. The crowd began to riot as children were screaming, the parents were covering their eyes while concurrently trying to protect their kids from the horrific sight. The police moved in to prevent a stampede as people lining the streets to enjoy a nice parade with their families were exiting the parade route en masse. The mounted police had difficulty controlling their horses who although trained for crowd control became unruly at the sight of Ms. Thang. One bystander reported, "It was the most horrifying sight of my life! We ARE an UPSCALE COMMUNITY and we have LAWS to protect us from such a travesty!" Another clearly distraught father of two pre-schoolers stated, "She MIGHT have been able to do that in another place-by the looks of "It," she must be from SAG Harbor." The only statement from the defendant as she was taken into custody was "You BITCHES! You're like, JEALOUS! FAMOUS PERSON-you SERIOUSLY OWE MEEE!" Her status is reported as "Held pending Bail and a Psychiatric Evaluation." No word yet on whether the host of "What Not To Wear" will be called in for a consultation.
    And that's all the news from Lake Blow-Jobs-R-MEE!" aka Lake Woe Is MEEE!"
    TW

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  10. Well, according to Chris Rock, if you push that gut out of the way, there's some good pussy under there! Of course, you'd have to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot. I prefer the term "skank" for this woman.

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  11. I see muffin top! And Sweetness, skank is definitely the right word for her!

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