Friday, June 8, 2012

Reap What You Sow

I couldn't tell you one good thing about my life right now. Seriously everything that could go wrong has.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: Narcissists maintain their own doomsday self-fulfilling prophecies. Everything in their lives "goes wrong" because they make it so. They constantly reap what they sow, and since what they sow ain't nice, what they reap ain't nice either. Narcissists get what they expect, and they get exactly what they deserve.

There is no such thing as a "prosperous" narcissist. Narcissists don't prosper, they merely float through life, using and abusing, and remaining hopelessly empty. It's impossible to be truly happy under those circumstances.

I no longer feel badly for NSIL, but I do hold out a sliver of hope that going away to college might shed some light on the miserable path she has chosen to follow. I doubt it, but stranger things have been known to happen. Her tweet makes me wonder what, precisely she thinks has gone wrong. Is there, at least on some level, an awareness that the superficial glaze she keeps licking off of her NM's cake of Narcissism is, in fact, poison? Does she have ANY idea that life beyond her dysfunctional roots could be different, even better? Did she catch a whiff of the freedom that's just beyond her grasp?

I wonder...

And IF she has an idea, even a little one, will it be enough?

If she doesn't learn, if she doesn't awaken, then she is doomed to finish out the rest of her days milling about miserably, never knowing true happiness, most likely spouting her despair to those who will listen, on whatever current soap-box she happens to find. She'll continue tweeting about her distress, never realizing that no amount of re-tweets or sympathetic pats-on-the-back will solve her problems.

Good luck, NSIL. I'm beginning to believe the only thing that will save you is just that: an insane amount of luck.


  1. Some of us spent (wasted) many years under the control of a nasty, narcissistic parent, thinking we had no other choice.

    However, WE CHOSE to break the chain by not hurting others the way we had been hurt. WE CHOSE, in spite of our upbringing, to try our best to be decent human beings.

    NSIL must realize by now she has CHOSEN to act like a nasty, spoiled little bitch.

    BTW her idea of a HUGE disaster is probably a broken nail!

    1. Sadly, Mulderfan, I have to agree with what you've said. She is, more than likely, nothing but a spoiled-rotten bitch, and is just vapid enough to think that her broken nail is a disaster. I do have some inside information about her life, but none of it seems to me to indicate devastation. But then, I'm not a narcissist, so I don't see things the same way she does. That girl doesn't look through her eyes at the world around her...seems to me she looks out her ass.

  2. I really want to hang on to hope for her as well. These are years of tremendous interpersonal change and growth: We're not the same people at 18 we were at 13, nor are we the same at 25 as we were at 18. That tweet is really sad. However, I've seen the proclivity of Narcs to take a minor "inconvenience" and blow it up into some huge drama declaring their life is "over" because they chipped a finger nail-I'm not exaggerating here: My Nsis became positively hysterical over this exact "event." (sigh)
    The very unhealthy/enmeshed relationship between your NSIL and NMIL does not bode well for the future IMO. I don't think NMIL is going to loosen her grip on DD when DD goes to college despite geographical distance. My sense is any indication of burgeoning independence by NSIL will result in an immediate backlash by her Nmother. Now that NMIL has "lost" the struggle for the soul of her son (DH) I assume she'll be yet more aware and reactive to her DD's attempts to potentially disengage and achieve personal autonomy.
    Gawd, I sure hope I'm wrong.

  3. To a narc, everything is "catastrophized" because it's all about them. When I was stupid enough to call my NPs every Sunday, if I was busy and didn't call until Monday, it was pretty much the end of the world and proof of my callous disregard for their well being.

    Another great example of "What goes around, comes around!"

  4. Awfulizing can be addicting. Declaring the awful others leap to reassure or help which for Narcs is like a double helping of cream. First time everyone runs to the rescue. Second time some keep running. 3rd, 4th, 5th, it starts to wear a little thin. Then they are off searching for a new pool of supply. I am hoping she sees how changing can make a lasting difference but I know from watching my NM that some people choose to remain a narcissistic martyr.

  5. This sounds like my sister. She not only moans about all sorts of stupid shit, she willfully avoids the easy steps that could alleviate her troubled.

    She's got a pinched look about her, as if everything tastes bad. It's not attractive.

  6. I rarely speak about my Nsis because she's a "Garden Variety" N as opposed to my MNpsychobitch. But here's an example of a bunch of dynamics that existed "there and then." A little backstory here: When I was 20, I was abducted from a shopping center parking lot the day after Christmas, raped, beaten and left for dead. My Nsis and MNpsychobitch were aware there had been an "incident" but I never discussed it and they never asked.
    Anyway, a few years later on one of my annual "Christmas Pilgrimages" to the metro NY area, my Nsis wanted me to help her move. MNpsychobitch was petrified to drive into Manhattan so I drove-no problem. As we were approaching Nsis's apartment, Nsis ran out into the middle of the street screaming, "I'm being RAPED! I'm being RAPED!" I immediately slammed the car into 'Park' in the middle of the street and ran out to help her. I noted a large man in a heavy old overcoat poking around a bunch of boxes with designer labels outside her apartment and asked her, "Are you OK? Is that your stuff?" "YES! Help me!" she screamed. "Is this what you're moving?" I asked. "NO! It's my TRASH!"
    I could not believe this: I left MNpsychobitch and Nsis cowering by the car and walked over to the guy and said, "Hey, do you need some help here?" He very politely responded, "No, Miss. But thank you. I have a cart down the block and I wanted to check this stuff out first before I bought my cart here." I told him to go get his cart while I herded the hysterical back inside the building. There were all kinds of tears and drama in the lobby while I helped the guy load up his cart with Nsis's "cast-offs." I gave him a few bucks and he left.
    Apparently a homeless man wasn't "good enough" to pick through her "trash." And she was so horribly traumatized by the event it took her and MNpsychobitch about 30 seconds after the man was pushing his cart up the block for the "sun to shine" and the Family Sherpa (me) to start loading up the "Real Stuff" under the very direct supervision of two "Adult Women" who couldn't lift a finger, shut their mouths or open their hearts. Oh, the drama! Nsis was in her early 20s at this time. What a tag-team they were.
    That's another reason why I don't have a whole bunch of hope for your NSIL. One per family is enough to create chaos; two play off one another and the result is a synergistic explosion of "N to the n-th."

  7. Wow. She must be at deaths door in the desert with not prospect of rescue.

    Maybe I'm being unsympathetic and sometimes I catastrophise too.

    Maybe getting away from her family at college will open up new possibilities for her. We can hope that it will.