Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Inaccessible Place

As we know, I frequent the twitter accounts and social networks of my husband's FOO. And what I find only ever manages to prove all of my theories accurate. What you see above is not a photo I took off of some random Google image page. It is actually an image that NSIL posted to twitter some time ago, and it's really got me thinking.

Now, I don't know the context of the above textversation, but I immediately found myself wondering what NSIL was trying to convey underneath the superficial idea on display. To individuals not at all in-tuned to the inner-workings of a narcissist, and perhaps for those who are just plain superficial, the above picture probably doesn't mean very much. Where those people would likely focus on what's in the middle of the conversation (i.e. the fact that NSIL now "has sundaysssssssssssssssss offfffffffffffff yayyyayayayayyaya!!!!) I, instead, focused on the messages from her NM. (And for anyone wondering, NMIL's words are in the white bubbles, and NSIL's are in the green).

I believe that her superficial reason for tweeting the above image, was in fact, to share her news that she has Sundays off. I also believe that, in that section of her mind that has been locked away and is no longer accessible, is the thought that she needs to show the world that her mother's love is a farce. This girl defends her mother so fiercely because she has not the strength, courage, or know-how to call the bluff. While inside she has locked away the knowledge that her mother is not, in fact, "glad" that she is happy, (and in fact, is quite smitten with the fact that NSIL is not happy at all) on the outside, she is still trying to convince the world, indeed herself, that her mother is capable of empathy. She can not face the reality that her mother does not love her. She can not face the reality that her mother does not feel for her. So she lives in that denial, and she tweets photos of superficial conversations with her mother, in which her mother professes love for her, and she can keep up the facade that all is right with the world.

While she tweets images like those above, she simultaneously tweets comments that are indicative of a person who is miserable, drowning, all alone, in the shallow pool she resides in. Her mother is not "glad" for her daughter's happiness, both because she is incapable of feeling such a thing, and because her daughter's happiness does not exist.


  1. The tone probably doesn't come across to the average person, but messages like what the NM wrote is something my mother would say (she doesn't text much). I characterize it as "mincing" behavior, this weird qualifier about "I'm glad you are happy" that sort of implies a bazillion negative things. First, it would make me feel as if whatever I was happy about was trivial. Because the genuine response to "Yayyyy" is "Yayyyy for you!" or some such silliness. The measured "I'm glad you are happy" sounds like a formality. I know some people would say I am making mountains out of nothing, but when you get this sort of faux enthusiasm your whole life, you develop an ear for it. I can't tell if the second comment about living again is with veiled sarcasm or trying to be funny. If it were my mother, it would be the former, although she'd never say that line. My mom would say something like, "that must be nice for you."

    It's just this nasty little way of undermining little joys by making you feel inconsequential. The words of support are there but they are lies.

    1. Oh, excellent points! I hadn't thought of any of that!

      "I know some people would say I am making mountains out of nothing..." I'm not one of those people. I'm with you 100%.

  2. It's all a facade. The words "almost" seem right but there's no feeling behind them.

    It's like that bitch we all know that says, "So, happy for you, DEAR." when she's anything but!

    Part of me still pities the poor girl but that's the same part that was dumb enough to call my NF for Fathers' Day!

  3. Whoa....is NMIL's response ever...awkward...."I'm glad YOU'RE Happy"??? Yeah, right. Wanna bet if SIL tweeted, "i have MON. oooffff yayyyy" she'd get the SAME response?
    Because it's JUST that IMPORTANT....to NMIL. I imagine MIL is on the prowl for a "new" SO in any event so she's a "bit preoccupied" you see.....and in continuing competition with the younger, more attractive "her."
    So much for meaningful "communication." They're BOTH "Twits" IMO but NMIL is clearly the" bigger" one.

  4. My inaccesable place used to be my heart.

    Now I want to use it to envelop the people I care about. And to do it correctly. With passion.