Tuesday, June 19, 2012
The Inaccessible Place
As we know, I frequent the twitter accounts and social networks of my husband's FOO. And what I find only ever manages to prove all of my theories accurate. What you see above is not a photo I took off of some random Google image page. It is actually an image that NSIL posted to twitter some time ago, and it's really got me thinking.
Now, I don't know the context of the above textversation, but I immediately found myself wondering what NSIL was trying to convey underneath the superficial idea on display. To individuals not at all in-tuned to the inner-workings of a narcissist, and perhaps for those who are just plain superficial, the above picture probably doesn't mean very much. Where those people would likely focus on what's in the middle of the conversation (i.e. the fact that NSIL now "has sundaysssssssssssssssss offfffffffffffff yayyyayayayayyaya!!!!) I, instead, focused on the messages from her NM. (And for anyone wondering, NMIL's words are in the white bubbles, and NSIL's are in the green).
I believe that her superficial reason for tweeting the above image, was in fact, to share her news that she has Sundays off. I also believe that, in that section of her mind that has been locked away and is no longer accessible, is the thought that she needs to show the world that her mother's love is a farce. This girl defends her mother so fiercely because she has not the strength, courage, or know-how to call the bluff. While inside she has locked away the knowledge that her mother is not, in fact, "glad" that she is happy, (and in fact, is quite smitten with the fact that NSIL is not happy at all) on the outside, she is still trying to convince the world, indeed herself, that her mother is capable of empathy. She can not face the reality that her mother does not love her. She can not face the reality that her mother does not feel for her. So she lives in that denial, and she tweets photos of superficial conversations with her mother, in which her mother professes love for her, and she can keep up the facade that all is right with the world.
While she tweets images like those above, she simultaneously tweets comments that are indicative of a person who is miserable, drowning, all alone, in the shallow pool she resides in. Her mother is not "glad" for her daughter's happiness, both because she is incapable of feeling such a thing, and because her daughter's happiness does not exist.