Monday, April 2, 2012

Thoughts At Random

- It is my belief that NMIL wants DH and I to get a divorce. I would go so far as to say she's hoping our marriage won't last, and that we won't make it as a couple. This is not a new thought; she's been showing her hand from the very beginning. Recently, my mother came up with the perfect analogy for what NMIL is currently doing: she has been "keeping one finger in the pie" in the hopes that, if DH and I don't make it, she can easily reel him back in. What she and her cronies fail to realize is that their behaviors only make me want to fight that much harder to make my marriage work. Call it incentive, call it motivation, but whatever you do, don't label her constant play for power a successful endeavor on her part. The only thing she is succeeding in doing is bringing my husband and I closer together. The further away he gets from her and his destructive FOO, the more clearly he is able to see that his old way of life was completely unhealthy and not worth returning to. If she is waiting for his return, then she will be waiting in vain. He's not going back. Not ever.

- My dear friend Upsi came up with yet another great observation: that NMIL is being willfully ignorant of all that is real, including my husband, in order to play the "everything is peachy" game. She is pretending that she is just oh-so-nice, which is really funny to me, given that we know she's really a rancid bitch...and I'm pretty sure she knows we know it. Her depth of denial is substantial, but not so much that I would call her crazy. To call her "crazy" would be remiss of the fact that she knows exactly what she's doing and, despite the irrational of her behaviors, her actions are meticulous in their design.

- DH no longer blinks an eye when I refer to his mother as evil. He is not offended when I call her names. I take this as a great sign that he is coming to accept the sad truth about his mother: that she is an awful human being who is about as close to evil as one can get without sprouting horns and a pointed tail. He hasn't yet reached the point where he can say the same truths aloud; but I attribute some of that to the fact that I am a little more crude in my speech than he is. DH simply prefers not to swear.

- Good things are happening over here at the Jonsi household. Though DH and I have chosen not to share our most recent good news publicly, we would like our readers to know that, in spite of all of their efforts, NMIL and Co. have not managed to destroy our spirit, our home, our family, or our love. Our love and respect for each other grows exponentially each day. A faithful reader recently asked me where is the justice when it comes to how we've been treated by the narcissists in our lives. And to that end, I have to say that my justice is right here: in my happiness, in my home, in my family. There is no narcissistic mother-effer on earth who can take that away from us.

- I found a couple of really awesome quotes recently that I'd like to share with you: 1. "Contrary to what the dictionary tells us, pretending is potentially the most serious form of deception because it involves living a lie, rather than just telling one." - Harriet Lerner 2. "No disguise can long conceal love where it exists, nor feign it where it is lacking." - La Rouchefoucauld 3. "Many people today don't want honest answers, insofar as honest means unpleasant or disturbing. They want, instead, a soft answer that turns away anxiety." - Louis Kronenberger

10 comments:

  1. Over the years my NPs tried desperately to break up my marriage. You'd think after I defied them by marrying my DH (or anyone for that matter), they might have accepted the situation or have even been happy for me. That he was the father of their grandchild meant nothing!

    Normal parents hope for their children to grow up and have loving, fulfilling relationships.

    You are absolutely right, Jonsi, people like my NPs and your NMIL are just plain evil!

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  2. Just Another DILApril 3, 2012 at 4:52 AM

    Hi Jonsi. I have been reading and relating to all your most recent posts. This one is very timely as I was just asking my Dh as we were driving the other day, if he thought that his FOO would be happy if we divorced? He didn't think for more then a half second when he responded with full assurance that he knew they hoped that. He felt they would be more then happy if he "crawled" back to them, told them they were right, and moved right into his parents home again. How sad! Why would they want a nearly 30 yr old man, and father to revert back to a child? Because his NMIL needs come before the happiness of all of her children. She needs control, she needs to be needed, and keeping her children emotionally handicapped is the only way!
    My NMIL has made sure to let us know in so many little and not so little ways that she wishes we would divorce. I believe that you must do everything you can to protect your marriage from forces that want to destroy it-family included. I love my DH and my son, and we are stronger then ever-so keep wishing nmil-it won't happen :)

    Also, this is random but I was re-reading some of your older entries (so many comparisions!) and was wondering why you were not invited to Pig's wedding? I was surprised to read that. Why would he leave out his best friend's gf from his wedding? What were his "reasons"? I mean, I know he is a jerk wad but that was so blatant. Sorry, that was just a burning question!

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    1. Just another DIL - Great question, I'll address it in a post ASAP!

      PS - I believe I owe you some forwarded emails. My apologies for not sending them. I got caught up in "life" and forgot about sending them to you! I'm looking forward to sharing them though. I think they'll give you further insight into some of my recent posts.

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  3. My mom made the mistake of showing her cards once in a very escalated email exchange, telling both DH and I that sometimes she wishes for a divorce between us. Then she said, but I see that you're happy, so I'm happy. But she just doesn't understand that the damage was done. She even joked about it, minutes later, "gee can't a girl be honest around here?" and that fell flat like a lead balloon. Yeah, sure, be honest, but you can't expect us to appreciate what a slap in the face it is. I see your DH's mom keeping her cards closer to her chest - which I think is actually more diabolical than the stupid move my mom made. In both cases, there is no sense (on our mothers' parts) of the phase of life we've been in for SOME TIME NOW, there is only their infantile wish to have everything always stay the same (i.e. to have their little babies at their beck and call in perpetuity, despite having lives and families of their own).

    My parents both always used to bemoan how quickly we were "growing up" and would jokingly say, "I wish we could put a brick on her head and keep her this age forever" or something to that effect. It always bristled me, but it wasn't until much later that I figured out why.

    They hold the keys to their own salvation, but will never use them. How sad.

    xo
    upsi

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    1. Whoa, so your mom referred to herself as a girl, as though she was just a member of your gang of peers-- or maybe you are supposed to be just a member of her gang of peers? --quartz

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  4. Divorce? Of course she does! Why you awful "home-wrecker," Jonsi! GASP! You TOOK her Emotional Husband and....and...TOOK HIM!! You ARE "The OTHER Woman!" And, and on top of all of THIS horror-of-horrors, you rocked the boat. You said, "Nope. Here's how REAL, NORMAL foos interact with one another. Here's how adult human beings foo or otherwise treat one another with dignity and respect. Here's how Healthy Family Systems and their members acknowledge individual differences and manage them. Here's how REAL parents welcome and embrace the "new addition" of a partner your adult child is committing to-for LIFE, not the enrichment of attorneys somewhere down the road." Oh the shame! Oh, the trauma! You wrecked the "Whole DH House of Cards" that was destined to fall at the first, gentle whiff of the fresh air of honesty.

    Oh, the bullshit.

    ".....she knows we know it." And THAT is exactly what has created the horrific backlash in addition to "Husband-Poaching." Once "unmasked" the Narc will respond with unbridled outrage (which is actually fear based) as it is the most direct challenge to their utmost cherished entity: APPEARANCES. Substance has no meaning. You see, it doesn't matter what the 'contents' of the designer handbag actually were-you stole her "fav" designer accouterment. ;)
    TW

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  5. I bet she's wishing you dead right now.

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    1. A fair assessment, Lisa. For sure.

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  6. Oh hell. She broke out the Voodoo Doll the first time she met her match, aka Jonsi.
    When you live in a fantasy world, it works. Just like putting your hands over your ears and eyes and screaming, "NANANANANA" makes anything you don't wanna know about go away.

    Just click yo red high-Heeled Slippas, everyone! (#Those without obvious Designer Logos, in the second row, please.....!!!) ;)

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