Sunday, April 22, 2012

Our Prerogative

On April 22, 2011, one year ago today, DH put his letter of NC in the mail. His letter read,

Mother,

You will no longer be allowed access to my family. You have expressed yourself quite clearly about my marriage and my wife. Your behaviors have shown me that you are either unwilling or incapable of change. I am happy and satisfied with my life choices. You need to deal with that. You have taught me tremendously destructive and evil behaviors that I have to fix. I will not forget this. I gave you many chances to treat me as an adult, as a loved one, as a human being. You chose not to. You have not respected me or my family and I will not allow this any more. Do not contact me.
 

Lifesizevision

Unlike NMIL, DH and I have the capacity, strength-of-will, and desire to keep our promises. And the promise that we made that day, that she would no longer have access to us, is being upheld. She has tried to contact DH anyway. She may even continue to try, since she has never had an interest in respecting our needs or boundaries. But, try as she may, we will stick fast to our resolve. No one, neither family or friend, has the right to hurt us. No one has the right to slander our names or break our trust. No one has the right to make promises that they have no intention of keeping. No one has the right to try and come between us. No one has the right to abuse us, physically, mentally, or emotionally.

It is our prerogative to step away from anyone who tries to do these things to us. We have chosen to say goodbye to DH's entire FOO and all of his past acquaintances because, through their own choices and behaviors, they have proven that they mean to do us harm.

And that is not acceptable.

In the words of the Great and Powerful Fan-of-Mulder,

FUCK 'EM

5 comments:

  1. Jonsi, I'm humbled to be mentioned in such a powerful and affirming post.

    "No one, neither family or friend, has the right to hurt us. No one has the right to slander our names or break our trust. No one has the right to make promises that they have no intention of keeping. No one has the right to try and come between us. No one has the right to abuse us, physically, mentally, or emotionally."

    I think I need to add this manifesto to my daily reading list. It's a great reminder that we are all entitled to, and worthy of, such powerful boundaries.

    For me, it's right up there with The Twelve Steps!

    Happy RE-Birth Day to you and your precious family!

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  2. An ACON's integrity is inversely proportional to the narcissists wickedness.

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    1. True! The math works! You =/= evil NM

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  3. If that's true, I have a ridiculous amount of integrity!

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  4. Make that directly proportional. My bad.

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