Saturday, March 10, 2012

#toottoot

Exhibit A just loves to toot her own horn.

And spew her hatred all over the place.

And live in a superficial bubble, marked by hypocrisy and sloth.

Observe (My commentary in italics):

January 5, 2012
hey, @famousperson it's my birthday on Wednesday 1/XX/2012!! It would make my day if you wished me happy birthday (:

January 5, 2012
Why the HELL do we have a hoe at work?!?! #iworkinabakery #wtf [This one was too funny to pass up. It doesn't necessarily indicate narcissism. It definitely indicates a lack of intelligence though. I know...cheap shot, Jonsi].

January 5, 2012
Retweet of her own tweet: hey, @famousperson it's my birthday on Wednesday 1/XX/2012!! It would make my day if you wished me happy birthday (:

January 7, 2012
Hey @famousperson it's my birthday on Wednesday 1/XX/2012! I'd love a birthday wish from you(:

January 7, 2012
Some guy just whistles at me. #peoplestilldothat?

January 7, 2012
REALLY? ARE YOU KIDDING? I HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER WEDDING DRESS. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFF

January 7, 2012
I will pull out your hair, bite your chin off & gouge out your eyes with confiscated scissors.

January 8, 2012
Soooo tireddddd

January 8, 2012
I will get my way.. #bridezilla

January 8, 2012
Heart skipped again. #anxiety ):

January 8, 2012
It's my birthday on Wednesday 1/XX/2012, @famousperson can I get a birthday wish from you?

January 9, 2012
My eye won't stop twitching

January 10, 2012 
Omg a little girl just told me I look like princess Ariel. So happy right now (: 

January 10, 2012 
It's my birthday [soon], @famousperson!! Can I get a happy birthday? 

January XX, 2012 
Sick like a dog on my birthday.... 

January XX, 2012 
@famousperson today is my birthday!! 

January XX, 2012 
Calendar for today.. [Pic of her IPAD calendar, on which she wrote, "Happy birthday to me!"] 

January XX, 2012 
My dad like, never texts. I love him! [Pic of her cellphone. Message from "Daddy" reads: Happy Birtday!!! How's it going so far? Will call you later. And her response: Thank you! It's okay, I have a cold. Haha.] 

January XX, 2012 
Today is my birthday @famousperson!! Hope to hear from you 

January XX, 2012 
Who wants to help me get a happy birthday tweet from @famousperson? 

January XX, 2012 
Cleaning. On my birthday. 

January XX, 2012 
[In response to the following message from @famousperson: You know I wouldn't forget! Happy Birthday!! Hope you have a great day and year! Thanks for all your kind words and support] She wrote: @famousperson aww thank you so much. it means a lot!! [She includes a pic of all the personal messages she ever got from this guy - one for her birthday last year, one for the cake she made for him and sent a pic, and this one] 

January XX, 2012 
My beautiful delicious birthday cake 2012 [pic of her cake] 

January XX, 2012 
Feeling quite crappy. wish I didn't have to work ):

January XX, 2012 
Someone bring me chicken noodle soup.. At work.. ): 

January XX, 2012 
Ew I'm 23.. 

January XX, 2012 
This cold is kicking my ass! 

January XX, 2012 
Feel like death. Sleeping til 11:30 then work at noon 

January XX, 2012 
So congested, my teeth hurt! 

January 14, 2012 
Headache 

January 14, 2012 
[In response to her friend, who commented that she liked a photo of the two of them]: I know right! We're hot 

January 15, 2012 
Don't plan on waking me up before noon unless you have food or diamonds. 

January 15, 2012 
#Capricorn's make loyal, stable and good friends. [I think the implication is that she is a capricorn, and therefore this description fits her? Lest we've forgotten how good a friend she really is...]

January 16, 2012 
Why do you hang out with them? #dirty 

January 16, 2012 
Being nice has gotten me nowhere. 

January 16, 2012 
And fuck you too.

January 16, 2012 
I don't like being ignored. It's just fucking rude. 

January 18, 2012 Respect people's relationships. So many fish in the sea, don't try and mess with the one that's already been caught. [Oh the hypocrisy!]

January 19, 2012
My ear hurts so badddddd!!!

January 19, 2012
Just got hit on over the phone. #bymycoworker #awkward

January 19, 2012
I feel like "Sent from my iPhone" could be an appropriate title for my memoir. #trendyproblems

January 19, 2012
I hope it's an ear infection so I can get meds

January 23, 2012
Am I seriously getting sick for a THIRD time this year?!?!?!

January 23, 2012
I feel like I was hit in the face with a boulder.

January 23, 2012
Eating a whole bottle of airborne so I don't get completely sick. #isthatsafe

January 23, 2012
I hate the unknown.

January 25, 2012
Bridges were burned, now it's your turn, to cry.

January 25, 2012
Celebrities are always pregnant and alone. [Her wisdom and astute observations never cease to amaze me. She must have had to dig real deep to teach us this insight.]

January 25, 2012
[Someone else said: i just lost so much respect for someone i thought was nice and i just gained respect for someone i thought was a complete ass #reality] Her response: hate when that happens... /:

January 25, 2012
I want to live in the hamptons. #dream

January 28, 2012
I don't think I've ever seen worse parenting. #goodjob

January 29, 2012
Haters just constantly remind me that I am right. #unbreakable

January 29, 2012
Fairly confident I have a sinus infection. #gross

January 31, 2012
This lady is a bitchhh.

January 31, 2012
Karma is a bitch, and I hope she slaps you in the face.

February 1, 2012
Why is my nickname 'princess' everywhere I go? I mean, I don't hate it.

February 1, 2012
Sick to my stomach..

February 1, 2012
Yes, I've changed. Pain does that to people.

February 2, 2012
How come when I have a day off, my cold is 67x worse?? #notcool

February 2, 2012
My daughters will be ballerinas.

February 2, 2012
You are easily one of the grossest people ever. #dirtybit

February 7, 2012
my dream is to one day have louboutins. #shoeobsessed

February 9, 2012
Mmmmm... I look good. I mean really good. Hey everyone! Come see how good I look!

February 11, 2012
Mad they hired another lady. I liked working with only guys... #nobitches

February 11, 2012
There is so much hate in this world!

February 12, 2012
Why am I so sick this morning?

February 12, 2012
Left work. So sick

February 12, 2012
Feel like dying

February 13, 2012
apparently we have a very contagious virus. My neighbor said to try and stay away from everyone hahaha (she's a nurse lol)

February 13, 2012
my body hurts. #hatebeingsick

February 14, 2012
i hate when i go through old email conversations...... [This one is funny to me because it made me wonder if she was reading through some old email she had with DH. She goes back and forth between reminiscing about what a swell guy my husband was, to hating all over him. If she was in fact reading through old conversations she had with him, this was probably one of those, "Oh-woe-is-me-my-best-friend-in-the-whole-wide-world-is-gone" moments.]

February 17, 2012
I wish everyone would shut the hell up and let me plan my own wedding, thanks.. Your opinion is not needed!

February 18, 2012
Blahhh why do I feel sick again?

February 18, 2012
All I want in life is a 65 hour nap, a gallon of iced coffee, and $400,000,000 in my bank account. Is that too much to ask? #trendyproblems

February 18, 2012
Lots of lame people in this world. #classless

February 19, 2012
If he doesn't show you off like the princess you are, show him to the door. #princessprobz

February 21, 2012
[Name of one of the wealthiest towns, with the highest tax rates, in our state] today. I love it here.

February 21, 2012
Please grow up.

February 21, 2012
Bitches be jealous. #imbetter

February 22, 2012
Today is just a "hey, fuck you" kind of day

February 24, 2012
Yes I am five years old sometimes.

February 29, 2012
Emence pain

February 29, 2012
I better not get this damn virus again.

February 29, 2012
Why does my stomach hurt when I eat SALAD? #wtf

March 2, 2012
There's no religion that could save me, no matter how long my knees are on the floor.. [To my anonymous reader who has left several comments about the state of this girl's knees, given her pension for "servicing" her @famousloverboy: I included this comment for you. I know what exhibit A is saying. I'm implying something else entirely.]

March 3, 2012
Just found my next home. It's a cute little condo in [Name of yet another very wealthy town in our state]. I'm in LOVE...Can I move now? It's so beautiful...Plus, it's near the oceannnnn

March 3, 2012
I would die and a half if @famousperson texted me. (dying in the good way though.. If that's possible)

March 5, 2012
already planning my 24th birthday. wait, what? 24?! #fuckthat

March 6, 2012
Please everyone pray for my nana. She's having heart surgery tomorrow. She's my idol and she means the world to me! Love you nana! ❤

March 6, 2012
You probably think I'm so spoiled. I love that. #whitegirlproblems

March 8, 2012
Stop lying you hoe.

March 8, 2012
Nana is out of surgery! She is doing well. She's so strong, I'm so proud of her! Thank you for your prayers!!

March 8, 2012
lol @ bitches

March 8, 2012
Thankful every day for my Nana! She's strong, pretty & brave. Love her tons! ❤

March 8, 2012
don't let bitches ruin things because they're jealous.

March 9, 2012
So proud of my chooch!!! Front page! [Link to K.B.'s article, published in local newspaper]

March 9, 2012
And that's why me & [male co-worker] are best friends. [Again, couldn't help myself with this one. I find it quite hysterical that she considers so many people to be her "best friends." She's got an awful lot of them. Like, more than even the most vapid seventh grader.]

21 comments:

  1. Got bored part way through, but from what I read, she sounds more like a spoiled 13 year old than someone who's 23.

    BTW I'm assuming your DH got all the brains in the family!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Only five years old sometimes? Sounds more like ALL times. Every tweet seems like a cry for attention. "Look at me! It's my birthday!" "Look at me! I'm sick!" "Look at me! I'm a pretty princess!" "Look at me! I'm trendy and tough!"

    I can't believe I made it through reading all those...

    ReplyDelete
  3. I can only imagine how exhausting it would be to be around this person. She must have an overwhelming need for constant attention.

    For some reason these tweets made me think of a completely self-absorbed character in Dean Koontz's book, One Door Away From Heaven.

    Her favorite chant in the book is:
    "I am a sly cat
    I am a summer wind
    I am birds in flight
    I am the sun
    I am the sea
    I am ME"

    ReplyDelete
  4. OK, since I won't be disrespectful to Ms. jonsi, I'll leave out any more "knee" comments.....BUT! This "#bitch" isn't gonna live to see 24 considering the "apparent" state of her health.
    EWWWWWW! She's a walking "infection" and inflicting her various "terminal" tweets on the unwitting and un-willing world. If I were as immuno compromised as this one, I'd be getting an appointment at the AIDs clinic post-haste. After all she IS in a Risk Group (exchanging bodily fluids with @famousperson/anyone else who lives in a "desirable" zip code) and her "symptoms" are quite disturbing-ALL OF THEM!
    TW

    ReplyDelete
  5. TW - Ha! I had a hunch my "knee" commenter was you! Hysterical. Your commentary is always welcome!

    ReplyDelete
  6. See what guys have to endure to get la.......
    mmmmmmm hang out with women.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Is her getting hit in the face with a boulder the reason why they used a picture of her chooch on the front page instead?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

      The girl sets herself up for this kind of thing.

      Delete
    2. Her chooch is so emence, it made the front page.

      Delete
  8. Mar 14th@ 5:31 Jonsi You ho. I can't stop myself from coming back and reading these things over and over again.

    Mar 14th@ 5:32 I know bitches JUST like her. I learned not to ask them out, but if I f'ed up and ended up with one, I wouldn't even slow my car down before I shoved them out at the end of the night.

    Mar 14th @ 5:33 This chick makes Paris Hilton look like a Rhodes scholar.

    Mar 14th. My first wife ran with a couple like this. They were always talking about how they went out the night before and before the night was over how they were up and dancing on the table.
    The one time I went out with them was a snooze fest. It was two am and we were about to walk out the door. The woman said wait, we have to dance on the table. They forced themselves to get up there and do a little 3 second jig before they got down and we left.
    You can bet the next day they were telling any one who would listen how they danced on the table before the night was over.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bah HAHAHA! Q, your commentary is even funnier than her tweets. I didn't think such a thing was possible, but there it is.

      Delete
    2. Q the poor kid is a product of her environment.

      What boggles my mind is that Jonsi's DH made it out alive AND with a brain! Or maybe the brain bit explains his "escape".

      I'm with you on the "snooze fest". These airheads are so damn boring!

      Delete
    3. "the poor kid is a product of her environment."

      Definitely. I don't think she was born this way, it was her environment that morphed her into this superficial, narcissistic twit. it's unfortunate, but I just don't feel bad for her. She's making a choice to be this way. It's her problem, and not my husband's any longer.

      Delete
    4. At some point, like your husband, some of us have decided we will march to our own drummer and not keep marching with the fuck ups that gave birth to us.

      This takes, brains, maturity and the support of someone who isn't part of the dysfunction. Sounds like this girl is shit outta luck on the 1st two and given the "quality" of her tweets she'll be hard pressed to find the third!

      Delete
  9. Mar 14th 6:04 Q, your commentary is even funnier than her tweets.

    Mar 14th 6:05 Jonsi, you need to get out of the house more often.

    ReplyDelete
  10. "the poor kid is a product of her environment."

    Remember the .. EF Hutton commercials? The guy would say, "Well my broker is EF Hutton and EF Hutton says"...and all the room would go deadly quiet?
    Now it's ...."My beeyitch is Snooki and Snooki say, if you paid for your extensions, it's your hair."
    And twitter accounts across the nation fall silent in anticipation of the profundity and portent in Snooki's sage words.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm just going to stop writing out my laughter now. Just assume I'm sitting here, having complete fits, when I read your comments.

      Now, I recall seeing some Snooki tweets from Exhibit A at some point. I'm ALMOST curious enough to go back and look for them now. ALMOST.

      Delete
  11. I wonder if the guy whistling at her really thought she was hot, or was just trying to warn her about the impending collision of her face with the aforementioned boulder that resulted in her having to substitute a head shot with a picture of her chooch in the local newspaper

    ReplyDelete
  12. The guy was whistling for his dog. #same/same.
    TW

    ReplyDelete