Tuesday, February 14, 2012

What Betrayal Looks Like

The following is an excerpt from Luke Ministries. It's a must-read, in my opinion, and represents some of the many ways a person might betray you. To see the article in it's entirety, click here. This checklist represents a fantastic means to help yourself identify whether a person in your life is worth keeping around or whether they need to be thrown away with the rest of the garbage.

I would love to add to this list, if anyone has suggestions. [My additions in brackets] Suggestions from others in red.

What Betrayal Looks Like:

BADMOUTHING YOU OR GOSSIPING ABOUT YOU TO OTHERS

LYING ABOUT YOU

LYING TO YOU, DECEIVING YOU, MISLEADING YOU

REVEALING A SECRET

ONE PARENT NOT PROTECTING YOU FROM THE ABUSE OF THE OTHER PARENT

ONE SIBLING HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THE OTHER SIBLING’S SPOUSE

TURNING SOMEONE AGAINST YOU, OR TRYING TO TURN SOMEONE AGAINST YOU

SABOTAGING A JOB OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU

[SABOTAGING A JOB YOU ALREADY HAVE]

SABOTAGING ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP FOR YOU

TAKING AN ENEMY’S SIDE AGAINST YOU

USING SOMETHING SHE KNOWS ABOUT YOU, OR A PAST HURT YOU HAVE TOLD HER ABOUT, AGAINST YOU

REVEALING PERSONAL INFORMATION [ABOUT YOU]

STEALING FROM YOU (MONEY OR MATERIAL POSSESSIONS, BUT ALSO FRIENDS, HUSBANDS, BOYFRIENDS, ETC.)

DELIBERATELY HURTING YOU

COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU TO OTHERS

GIVING INFORMATION ABOUT YOU TO A RIVAL OR AN ENEMY, PASSING ON ANY INFORMATION TO ANYONE THAT SHE KNOWS DOES NOT GET ALONG WITH YOU

SNEAKING BEHIND YOUR BACK TO DO ANYTHING EXCEPT THROW YOU A SURPRISE PARTY

ANY KIND OF EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL, SUCH AS SHUNNING OR DISOWNING YOU, OR THREATENING TO, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT DOING WHAT SHE WANTS YOU TO DO

MEDDLING IN ANY SITUATION IN YOUR LIFE WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION - OR WORSE, WITHOUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE

TRYING TO INFLUENCE YOU TO DO ANYTHING THAT WOULD BE TO YOUR DETRIMENT

TRYING TO FORCE, PRESSURE, OR MANIPULATE YOU TO DO ANYTHING YOU DON’T WANT TO DO, OR ARE UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT

INSTIGATING YOU TO FIGHT WITH OR LEAVE SOMEONE YOU LOVE, OR TO LEAVE A JOB YOU LOVE, A CAREER YOU LOVE, A HOME YOU LOVE, ETC

EXPECTING YOU TO LIE, COVER-UP, OR GO AGAINST YOUR CONSCIENCE

DISCREDITING YOU WHEN YOU SPEAK THE TRUTH ABOUT ANYTHING, INCLUDING SOMEONE ELSE’S EVIL OR ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR

DISRESPECTING YOUR PRIVACY, SNOOPING, ETC


HIRING THIRD PARTIES, SUCH AS PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS TO FIND/HARASS/STALK YOU (Tundra Woman)

SPYING ON YOU FOR SOMEONE ELSE, PROBING FOR INFORMATION WHICH SHE WILL THEN PASS ALONG

PRESSURING YOU OR EXPECTING YOU TO TOLERATE ABUSE

BEHAVING IN ANY WAY THAT IS AGAINST YOUR BEST INTERESTS

ENDANGERING YOU, YOUR CHILDREN, OR YOUR LOVED ONES, OR EXPOSING ANY OF YOU TO AN EVIL PERSON

BEING DISHONEST WITH YOU

HIDING SOMETHING FROM YOU


FALSELY ACCUSING YOU

EXPLOITING OR USING YOU

BEFRIENDING YOUR ENEMIES, OR MAKING A POINT OF BEFRIENDING YOUR EX-FRIENDS OR EX-LOVERS

INSISTING ON KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE NO LONGER SPEAKING TO YOU, AND WITH WHOM SHE HAS NO CONNECTION OTHER THAN KNOWING THEM THROUGH YOU

SACRIFICING YOU FOR HER OWN SELFISH PURPOSES, SUCH AS EXPOSING YOU TO AN ABUSIVE PERSON SHE CHOOSES TO STAY WITH. WE KNOW SEVERAL CASES OF MOTHERS WHO ARE STILL MARRIED, DECADES LATER, TO HUSBANDS WHO RAPED THEIR CHILDREN

DEFENDING ONE WHO HAS DONE HARM TO YOU

MINIMIZING YOUR FEELINGS OR CRITICIZING YOU FOR NOT “GETTING OVER IT” IMMEDIATELY WHEN SHE OR SOMEONE ELSE HAS HURT YOU

NOT SUPPORTING YOU WHEN A WRONG HAS BEEN DONE TO YOU

COPYING EVERYTHING YOU DO, INCLUDING FLIRTING WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND, OR TRYING TO MAKE YOUR FRIENDS HER FRIENDS BY CALLING THEM WITHOUT INCLUDING YOU - AS IF SHE WAS TRYING TO TAKE OVER YOUR WHOLE LIFE

11 comments:

  1. I may have to break no contact to send this to my mother. She runs the whole gauntlet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Q - There are times when I wish it was worth it to send information to DH's NPs too. But man, all those factoids would just be wasted on them.

      Delete
    2. True, narcissists have armored skulls, truth just bounces right off.

      Delete
  2. Wow. Lots of check marks on that list.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yes Jonsi. Any contact with them can and will be used against you.
    I got letters from my ex-wife telling me I was evil and twisted for what I was doing to my mother. If I confronted my mother for interacting with that bitch she would deny it.
    Look me square in the eye, and say she had no ideal what I was talking about.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Q, sounds like your NM and ex-wife were definitely in cahoots. And also liars. I found it interesting that, in the list above, so many of the betrayals revolve around dishonesty.

      Delete
  4. I'd also add "Hiring Third Parties Such as "Private Investigators" To Harass-"FIND" Your Adult Child."
    Perhaps that falls into one of the above. Nonetheless, having the financial resources and some limited knowledge of my personal history/traumatic events OUTSIDE the daily-dose of trauma IN the home allowed my psychobytch to continue re-traumatizing me through her use of PIs. Obviously, they were instructed to be as obvious as possible to inflict the greatest amount of fear in her "target"-Me. Consequently their very blatant tactics such as stalking, following me very obviously, jumping out of vehicles/bushes etc. shoving a camera in my face, going through my trash etc. was triggering beyond belief for me initially. Eventually (this went on for YEARS) the faces changed and so did I: As soon as I saw them I'd walk right over and ask them if there was any particular "pose" they'd prefer....draped over the hood of my car? Peaking out of the top of a dumpster? Pushing a shopping cart with my bags of recyclables? And by the way idiot, would you do this to YOUR kid? I'd stand right there, move right in their space and force them to move backwards and shame them until I shamed them back into their vehicle. Not long after, there would be a new face, a new PI until there were....none! Tundra Woman (TW)

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  5. TW - My first thought: "Wow." Your parents' behavior is just mind-boggling to me. I can see Narc parents doing that sort of thing, but it's so difficult to wrap my mind around it. Some of these narcos will stop at NOTHING in order to intrude on your privacy.

    Your input will be added (with credit). I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's almost unfathomable to me. It's hard to imagine how they could have stooped any lower than that.

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  6. Manifestly, yes of course privacy was the issue-as was harassment and the re-inculcation of fear.
    Latently, the issue is a typical core issue in narcissism: Power and Control. "You can NEVER get away. I'm always watching you. You just THINK you've escaped, my little 'object!'' TW

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah yes, power and control. That's what drives them.

      "I'm always watching you..."

      Ooph. Gives me the creeps.

      Delete
  7. Reverend Renee Rocks.......... :0)

    I almost fell over the first time I read that list, it's spot-on. It's good t see it being printed again, so it can reach an even wider audience.

    ReplyDelete