Tuesday, February 14, 2012

A New Project

I had a brilliant idea last night. I am going to compile all the documentation that I've kept over the past few years and turn it into a book, of sorts. I want to collect all of my "evidence of narcissism," including the posts I've written here on my blog, any stuff and nonsense that has been sent to us that I've kept in a file, and DH's blog posts. I'll photocopy old cards that were sent to us and write up my analysis of them if I haven't already done so on my blog. Then, when I've gotten everything together, I'll start my book project.

Someday, when it's "done" and I've said all I wanted to say on the matter, I'll have it bound and keep it on our bookshelves as a history, so to speak. I believe it is important to document what has gone on these past few years concerning DH's FOO. I want it to be public knowledge that our children know what has happened and see the struggles their daddy has gone through. I want them to know where he came from and see how hard he has worked, and will continue working, to break the dysfunctional chains his parents wrapped so tightly around him. If our children so choose, they can share that history with their children as well.

I think it is crucial that we share with our descendents their history - all facets, good and bad. Doing so may not prevent such ugliness in their own lives, but it is, at least, a start. I hope I can help my children open their eyes, so that they are awake and aware.

I've also toyed with the idea of leaving a copy somewhere in the house the next time we do major construction, like behind a wall or under a loose floorboard. There is something very liberating to me about the idea that I can share this bit of history with others...that they can hold it in their hands and be enlightened, even if they only happen upon it accidentally. Through that piece of writing, they too can know of my husband's struggles and our fight to break free.

[Whispering] You want to know a secret? I'll let you in on it. What the narcissists hate most of all is to be revealed. They hate those they can not fool. They feel powerless when they are exposed. You want some of your power back, Dear Reader? Then expose them. In whatever way you can, with whatever courage you can muster (and I know you have it in you): Expose them. A little bit at a time, or all at once, it doesn't matter. If you keep fighting the good fight, the narcissists don't stand a chance. You can do it.

13 comments:

  1. Good idea. When do I start scanning??

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    1. As soon as I get everything together! :o)

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  2. :-) I was shocked to realize how much documentation I did, for the simple purpose of helping me realize I wasn't crazy.

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    1. Documentation is such a great way to map things out. I think it will go a really long way to satisfying my need to expose the narcissists in our lives.

      You are so not crazy, Judy. But you know that.

      Hugs!

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  3. Aw man, if I was a kid, I'd love to have something like that from my dad or about my dad. A story like that? That's something I've always dreamed of from my parents! I would've loved it! Didn't happen.

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    1. DH would have been thrilled to get something like that from his parents too, I'm sure. But that's the point isn't it? They would NEVER reveal that kind of ugliness about themselves, certainly not without hidden motives. The only reason I could see them sharing information about their pasts or family histories would be to try an invoke pity or guilt in the person to whom they were speaking. Other than that, Narcs don't share. They bring their dark secrets to the grave with them.

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    2. Oh yeah, that's what makes them narcs.

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  4. I love the idea of hiding a copy to be found in the future.

    Not really comparable I know, but a few years ago in the UK, a family were having their old chimney renovated. It was a really old house. Caught in the bricks inside the chimney,they found a child's handwritten letter to Father Christmas, dated 1911.

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    1. Nyssa - Thanks for sharing - if I found something like that in my house, I'd call it a treasure.

      DH found an old sock in the wall when we were renovating our bathroom and I was like, "Score! We got ourselves a piece of history!" So a letter to Santa? Gosh, that would be so cool.

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  5. I think it's a GREAT idea! With patience and your personal truth the EPs will "out themselves" to the community at large even without our help. It's as if they can't resist denigrating the living crap out of their Adult Child and in doing so (and so indiscriminately) after awhile some in the "audience" are confronted by one very clear reality: "If they "love" their kid so damn much, why would they speak so poorly about them? If the AC is such a PITA don't you think these "parents" would be relieved to no longer have these ingrates in their lives?"

    Because the EP's are so frantic about loosing their appendage that's ALL they can gossip about with others. The "Others" begin to avoid them because they also see why the AC would terminate the relationship-and so do they! TW

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    1. Anon - I think you're right, it is inevitable that at least some of the people these narcs come in contact with will not be fooled by the charade. The narcs always out themselves to those of us who are enlightened and strong enough to stand up to them.

      They may not fool everyone. I think there will always be some in their inner circle who chose to remain ignorant. But the rest of us...we aren't fooled!

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  6. Jonsi,

    Hmm. That's an interesting project. And it seems like a fantastic idea, too. (The documentation ... not sure about leaving it in the house, but then I'm a journalist and weird about copyright and people stealing stories and all that stuff.)

    I, too, started my blog to keep track of what was really happening. I had been so gaslighted for so many years that I was at the point where I doubted myself continuously. I doubted everything I heard or said because the Ns made me feel like I was unwell and making shit up. So, I started writing it down. At least, the plan was to start slow, but a few days after starting my blog, my life completely went kooky over one simple request. I'm glad I kept documenting it all, though.

    Your blog post made me think ... and I'm thinking that I'll go back and save everything I've written at The Hardest Battle, and PDF it so the kids will have the stories all there to know the past when they are older. They have questions now, but they will probably have many, many more as they grow up and eventually become parents. They'll want to know what exactly happened. And I'll break out the 13 volume set. (LOL)

    Best to you in this new project!

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    1. Thank you, Kiki.

      You know, there really is something to be said for putting in the kind of effort you're putting in (to tell the truth, to be heard, and now with the possibility of keeping a record of all of it for your children.)

      And, good point about the copyrighting...I'll have to mull that over for a while.

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