Friday, January 6, 2012

#uglyontheinside

More tweets from our most publicly available narcissist: Exhibit A! Is it just me, or is she complaining of some ailment every single day? And, pay particular attention to the section where she communicates with DH's sister (below, I've made them red). The person they are talking about is my husband.

Every time I make a list like this, I tell myself, "I'll just pick the best ones." (And by "best" I mean "most indicative of narcissism"). And every time I end up with far too many. This list represents only two months of various Exhibit A tweets, and look how many there are! (For previous episodes of Twitter Madness, click here, here and here.)

November 3, 2011
#imachild lol

November 6, 2011
i feel so sick right now ughh. :(

November 6, 2011
i love when people try and spoil my holiday spirit. #nevergonnahappen i love the holidays more than my birthday.

November 6, 2011
Oh hey long hair. November 2011 [Picture she took of herself, making fish-lips face, which she obviously thinks is attractive, and wearing her long hair down. Apparently, we're supposed to be impressed.]

November 6, 2011
Class is like money—those who have it don't talk about it.

November 6, 2011
tv in bed, and sleep. huge headache. :(

November 6, 2011
[Various tweets to wealthy celebutards]

November 8, 2011
Dr for my wrist... /:...I have to get a nerve test and they're going to stick needles in my arm & hand ):...not a fan of the whole "i'm gonna stick a bunch of needles in you" kind of thing... not excited.

November 10, 2011
I love getting compliments from my customers; it helps keep me going (:

November 12, 2011
Fuck dis bitch.

November 12, 2011
I don't have ugly friends.

November 13, 2011
EMG on the 21st ):

November 13, 2011
if i was a victorias secret model, my life would be set

November 13, 2011
wait, how many people have you slept with? and you're calling her a whore?! HAH. look in the mirror, dildo!

November 13, 2011
i dont live to please you.

November 14, 2011
all i want is a kitchen from @WilliamsSonoma and my house to look like @potterybarn.

November 15, 2011
you dirty bit.

November 15, 2011
Feeling yucky.. ):

November 16, 2011
i hate getting flashbacks of things i dont wanna remember

November 17, 2011
I wanna high five bitches in the face.

November 18, 2011
No it's cool. A sore throat is fine with me. #not

November 18, 2011
Oh ignorant people.

November 19, 2011
Happy birthday to my amazing daddy! Love you!

November 19, 2011
Feels like I was hit by a plane. Yep, a plane.

November 19, 2011
aaand home sick. yay.....

November 20, 2011
It's not fair..

November 20, 2011
God often removes someone from your life for a reason. Think before you chase after them

November 21, 2011
REALLY NERVOUS FOR MY EMG :'(

November 21, 2011
Diagnosis; carpal tunnel

November 22, 2011
wow you are so childish!...you act like YOU'RE the one who is in high school.

November 22, 2011
ps my belly hurts. :(

November 22, 2011
people will not tell me what i want for my wedding. keywords there.. #MYWEDDING

November 22, 2011
don't mess.

November 23, 2011
The girl across from me at the hibachi place is a bitchhh...It's like she knows I just tweeted that.... Now she's staring at me.

November 25, 2011
So dizzy wtf

November 25, 2011
getting sick.. wtf.

November 27, 2011
It's funny how ''friends'' forget us when they don't need any more favors.

November 27, 2011
Heartburn, ouch

November 28, 2011
i swear... the things that come out of your mouth..

November 28, 2011
You aggravate me to no end.

November 29, 2011
So tired. Must stay awake for #VictoriasSecretFasionShow...I want to be a #VSAngel or a #RadioCityRockette

December 3, 2011
@friend and i got our pictures taken in our underwear all day. #likeyado hahaha [Yes, she included a picture of this.]

December 4, 2011
Think I'm getting sick.

December 5, 2011
I hate when a song comes on and brings back memories that I don't want to be reminded of anymore #thingschangepeoplechange

December 10, 2011
What the fuckkkkkk

December 11, 2011
My joints hurt ):

December 12, 2011
Can't feel my fingers on my right hand... #ifeelsuperold

December 13, 2011
my ankles are so weak.. i'm surprised i haven't broken them.

December 13, 2011
extremely low blood sugar. can't get up.

December 13, 2011
#2011regrets None. I'm flawless.

December 14, 2011
ugh, withdrawal headache... :(

December 14, 2011
nah it's cool. leave me out.

December 15, 2011
I'm being set up to fail today.

December 18, 2011
wish i knew someone who was having a baby!!

December 19, 2011
So sore... Gonna be worse tomorrow ):

December 20, 2011
Yes, I did just fall up the stairs. Yes, my ribs feel broken. #clumsyasshit

December 20, 2011
Major hand cramps.. )':

December 21, 2011
When Karma Finally Hits You In The Face. I'll be there.... Just in case it needs some help.

December 21, 2011
oh, i see how it is. well FUCK YOU TOO.

December 21, 2011
can't even believe this. after all i did for you? really? #youareshitty

December 21, 2011
maybe i shouldn't be so offended, but i am. #ugh #seriously

December 21, 2011
you've lost my respect, support & kindness.

December 21, 2011
seriously, so done with being nice and trying to make other people happy. HAPPINESS DEPENDS UPON OURSELVES.

December 21, 2011
oh, the jealousy. mwahaha.

December 25, 2011
Love my Christmas gifts!!! [She actually tweeted a picture of her Xmas gifts. I'm still in awe of this.]

December 25, 2011
Best gifts ever! Love my familyyy!! [More pictures of her gifts...naturally, getting great gifts means love, right? Eeesh.]

December 25, 2011
Sad that christmas is over ): time for my birthday list!! Haha

December 25, 2011
@DH'sSister I'm sorry love ): when did you last hear from him?...[DH's sister responded but her tweets are currently private]...omg!!!! What the fuckkkk ): I'm so sorry!!!...sorry for swearing hah....

December 26, 2011
@DH'sSister love you, ladyyy. ❤

December 26, 2011
Revenge....

December 26, 2011
Closed minds should come with closed mouths.

December 28, 2011
Payback is a BITCHHH.

December 29, 2011
Just realized how many kick ass followers I have! #whatup

December 30, 2011
Seriously considering saying I have the flu so I don't have to work for a week.

December 30, 2011
Excited to get myself a birthday present! (: haha [I haven't posted many of her tweets about her upcoming birthday...there are too many of them].

January 2, 2012
Karma is a bitch only if you are. #suckit

January 4, 2012
Omg the juicy couture bathing suits are out. #need

16 comments:

  1. Jonsi,
    This is an awesome snapshot of something that is so far beyond my comprehension I don't even know the word for it, but I sure laughed a lot reading it.
    Based on all of the 'sick' tweets, this woman must have TB, arthritis, diabetes, a staph infection, encephalitis and e coli. Can anyone actually be that consistently physically ill that often without dying? It seems that her dream of being an underwear model might be crashed by her dozen or so disabilities.
    Such hubris. Amusingly disgusting!
    Love,
    Vanci

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Vanci :)

    Hysterical, isn't it? DH and I had such a laugh last night reading all of these. We were in hysterics! It's just unfathomable that anyone could think this way and still expect to be taken seriously. DH said that this is a fair representation of how she was in real life - I was like, "You mean this isn't an exaggeration?"

    Amusingly disgusting is right!

    Hugs,

    Jonsi

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  3. How old is she? Sounds like my thirteen year old step daughter.
    The bigger problem is that outside of the narcissist context she doesn't stand out. There are people out there making good money and this is the full extent of their talent.
    Making fish lips at the camera and dragging a check.

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  4. I'd like to stick her head in a paint shaker.

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  5. Q - She might as well be thirteen, I think she's emotionally stunted around there (and often times even younger than that). I think she's in her early twenties though.

    I see what you mean about her not standing out...that's the funny thing too, I'd venture a guess and say that she thinks she does (or at least she wants to). In fact, there are way too many people out there like her. She was the kind of person I avoided like the plague all my life (still do). I remember bimbos like her from highschool and college - they rarely move past their vapid, self-centered existences enough to mature and grow as individuals.

    Your last comment made me laugh!

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  6. This girl is a gen-u-ine hypochondriac who loves the spotlight and will eat up any amount of attention she can get, negative or otherwise. What a twit!

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  7. EEEWWWW! OMG! GROSS! Like, umm, has she, u know, like has she had botoox for thos like nasty lines in her NEES yet? OMG! Such asperational dellusions! (I lernet this turm lst weak at my latst shoot from the fotog guy!!!) Like EEEEWWWW, doesn't she know she needs to like, gett some, like some reely big im-planets? So those boobbys stand up and like um BARRK? Like, u know, that BELLY fat? Disgisting. U need to like get that shit VAQUMED out by like, u know a DOKTOR? They have like, ummm these "pay-me plans" so you at lest look lie u can fuck a poal, like u nowe what ure doin. It takes like a whole lot of Woork-EEEEWWW!-to like be a VS model. And like, VS doesn't have lingeray in like pork size so like u need like some kind of dyet. Like after the Doc does all this stuff, you can like suck a pickel a day. Relly. Its all bout like this thing called nutration I think u call it. And like u no, you have to be helthy to be one like u can't miss a "shot" cuz the fotogs get madd at u and like then you never get to the runaway to like work it. And you half to be, like kynd of like tall to begn with.
    Sooooo, as a VM modle, I'm just tring to help you, OK? Ure not reddy for like "prime tyme" until you like have the basisks in place. And no ofense, but ure to old anyway. And like ure not even clos to wat we luuke 4 cuz u gota have at leest soom naturle beutie to beegin wiff.
    Mabey u cood make like a sexx moovie furst so yur oot in ciber spac furst. Then hoop it gose virul as my agnet tol me too do and, like hear I am now!
    An it's good to hav a agnent. U nede a perfolio of pix to like show furst to al the mens and stuf. Meke sur u hav a good fotog whow nows abou lightening, cuz u an ur mack up rtist nows how tooo do it-EWWWW, I nowe it costs big $$. Maebe cuz use not tal enoff u can bee in a cattalog. But u stil nede to loos the pourk.
    Goode luk. And u gota be nyce to the rast of us and weal hellp u. No biches alowed. Cuz wear not liik that. EEEWWWE!!! I don thenk ur rite for us buut u can tri. Dreems do come tru butt u gota star wiff a fuu tings 1st an u gota lot too doo on the lyst..
    An I'm knot suur they ill wourk ennie weyy..

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  8. Haha, they should make a Lifetime movie out of her. The epic story of a very sexy girl with TB, arthritis, diabetes, and a staph infection, fighting to become an underwear super model. What a riveting Twitter. Will she ever get off her chair? Find out.

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  9. Ha! Anon - how long did it take you to write that? I know this girl is pretty much on the same intellectual level as what you've just written, but surely you had to dumb yourself down quite a bit for that rendition!

    Yes, our dear friend Exhibit A is just about on that level...

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  10. She CAN'T get off the chair because she's glued to it by the discharge from her STD and failure to:
    Be aware "There's somethin' happenin' here....what it IS ain't exactly CLEAR"
    Seek medical attention
    Fil the prescription
    Use it
    Use panty liners

    Since her...sniff, sniff, HONK, OMG MY SINUES are KILLING ME! even smell the reality that she NEEDS to see the gyno....she just figures she'll cut down on snorting/smoking the crack while the other one rots away.

    EEEWWWW! GROSS! OMG!

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  11. She doesn't need a gyno, they can Photoshop that STD out.

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  12. Yikes! I have to admit, my first thought was to wonder if my own tweets could be collected that way...but then I looked, and yeah, different story altogether.

    I don't get the whole fishlips at the camera thing. I see so many youngish girls doing it. Is it generational?

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  13. Claire - I don't get the fishlips thing either. I see a lot of youngish girls doing it too, and I wonder if they'll ever grow out of thinking it's attractive? It just looks...silly.

    I suppose anyone could have a few tweets here and there that appear to be juvenile or self-centered. (Especially because we've got to figure that often times, we really don't have a firm grasp on what people may be tweeting about.) I think it's a real problem when 90% of your tweets look like this girl's.

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  14. Yep. Generational. When I was a kid we were told to stop making faces because they'd "stay like that for good." The even sadder part is these "youngish girls" aren't "youngish" anymore, just Photoshopped beyond recognition. Literally. Gotta look presentable for the ultimate "playground" of the desperately single/married called "Match.PD" or "CrudsList."

    I guess perhaps there might have been a grain of truth in that....keep suckin' big ol' dill pickles on your "VS Dyet" and see what happens to your lips?! Or they've OD'd on Botox/Restalyne injections given in the back of the fake nails/fake bake store at The Mall while engaging in their chosen form of Therapy: Retail. When they run out of space for all their junk, they rent yet another storage unit. Now, THERE'S a true "Growth Opportunity!" They use 'em to hide the "evidence" and the bodies. Sooner or later the stink or the bills gets someone's attention.

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