I have a few things to add to my DH's commentary on the robotic email he just received from his NM. My thoughts are as follows:
1. NMIL has never struck me as being someone who works hard at anything. This letter, with all of it's vague references to things unknown, is the perfect example of her lack of effort. I think she spent three to five minutes on it, tops. Weak.
2. I believe she wrote it with a separate audience in mind; perhaps a therapist or her best friend? The letter manages to paint the picture that NMIL is "taking the high road" by leaving the door open for my husband while his remains shut. It also makes it sound like he's never written a letter, explained his feelings, or spoken with her before about why their relationship made it to the shitter in the past two years. She ignored every attempt my husband has made at working on their relationship - a fact that will, no doubt, make her look like the better person in the eyes of her carefully-selected audience.
3. All I see is a bunch of vague references to some "hurtful" things that she thinks DH perceives her to have done. "...for that I am so sorry..." For what, exactly? "for the pain it must have caused..." What is it? "...i carry regret about all that..." About all what? "...about whatever is important to you..." Oh, as though DH didn't already tell you exactly what was important to him?
4. "I know you do not want to have a relationship with me." She doesn't know SHIT about what my husband wants. Just as he and I know NOTHING about her apparent "regret" about the vague "mistakes" she has made.
5. I get the feeling this is her "getting the last word in" letter. I think she's done. She's moving on. She's following the path of least resistance. As a skilled manipulator, that's what she's going to do. She doesn't want to have to work at manipulating her prey. She's got SIL, who is easy pickins at the moment. Why attempt to get NS from someone who won't allow it? She's got plenty of other people in her life to manipulate...people like Toast and Pig and EFIL and SIL. They are much, much easier targets.
6. The letter strikes me as being completely devoid of any emotion. It sounds robotic.
7. This woman doesn't have a heart. Therefore, she can not be heartbroken. So I know this is a lie: "It's heartbreaking as your parent, to not be able to see you and your family." Bullshit. Heartbreaking not to see me? Heartbreaking not to see our children? Nah, I'm not buying.
8. Just because she uses words like "respect" and "accept" doesn't mean she's telling the truth about them. It also doesn't mean that she understands them.
9. Blah, blah, blah. This is just more of the same-old, same-old. Throw out some vague statements, make reference to the past a few times, use the word "sorry" in a semi-logical sentence and everything gets back to normal, right? But here's the thing, I really don't think the intent of this letter was even to get my husband back in her good graces, or in her graces period. I think there is something truly manipulative going on, in that she plans on showing this to someone else, or several someones, as evidence of her "goodness" so that she can move on and forget about DH. The more I read the email, the more I'm drawn to that conclusion.
10. According to her, it's all DH's fault. Yeah, whatever. We've heard that before. Go back to the rock you crawled out from under, NMIL. Your evilness is running rampant through the streets.
11. How about apologizing to DH for attempting to harm his entire family - including his beloved wife and children? How about taking it the next step further and reaching out to her daughter-in-law to say sorry directly. Nah. It'll never happen. This bitch doesn't have the balls. I like it better when she's afraid of me. Having her suck-up would just be too much.
12. "All of her love" is equivalent to one tablespoon of poison.
13. **Update** I just re-read my husband's no-contact letter to NMIL and saw that he had said this, "I am happy and satisfied with my life choices." NMIL wrote in her email today, "I really want you to be happy,happy with [your wife], happy in your life, and I know you do not want to have a relationship with me." This statement further proves my opinion that she wrote this email as a sell to someone else. Why else would she talk about "just wanting DH to be happy" when he ALREADY told her that he's happy. It's part of her, "I'm going to pretend he didn't tell me that so that he looks like the bad guy" game. Furthermore, the implication of this statement is that NMIL wants DH to be happy, but that he won't ever be because he doesn't "want" her in his life. It's funny how my opinion on that matter differs so from hers. I believe the exact opposite: Our lives are much happier without her in them.
Like my husband, I am thoroughly unimpressed with her email. It shows, above all, a complete lack of feeling over the loss of any relationship with her son and his family, a complete disregard for DH's past attempts at fixing their relationship; a complete inability or desire to take responsibility for even one of her mistakes; and a complete lack of ingenuity or effort.
It does not show someone who wants a relationship with either her son or her son's family. It does not show a woman who is capable of feeling empathy. It does not show a person who is willing to put even one iota of energy into growing up, taking responsibility for her actions, and proving to the world that she is capable of love. It does not show a woman with a heart.