Monday, August 15, 2011

Consider Yourself Invited

Dear Readers, it looks like some of the estranged parents from the Dr. Coleman forum have decided to take a bite out of the Big Jonsi.

Cindi wrote on this post:

Bottom line - you invaded a forum where you were not invited to participate. Why anyone thought it was a good idea to do so is beyond me. Then you take offense when they are less than pleased about it. Talk about delusional. However, since you seem to think that you and LSV have pearls of wisdom to impart on the poor clueless masses over there, why don't you invite them to YOUR blogs to debate the issues?

Last time I checked, Cindi, you weren't exactly "invited" either. You found a forum, just like I did, and decided to discuss topics that you found relevant in your life. If Dr. Coleman wants to make his forum invite only, or require that his readers become members before they can comment, then he certainly has the right, and power to do so.

Apparently, it's not very difficult to find my blog, but if you need an invitation, then consider yourself invited. You can read my blog all you want and comment wherever you think it is necessary. I've already explained how much of a learning experience it has provided me. By all means, come and join the conversation. Unlike most of the people from your crowd, I expect that I can learn a lot from the other side.


  1. Cindi- I wonder if your community knows that you think they're "poor cluless masses". I certainly wouldn't be so arrogant as to assert that sort of thing. What I created was a debate. I didn't "invade" with an army, just a difference of opinion.

    I had the same idea as Jonsi here: you were not invited to that forum, a public forum, either. You found your way there and posted. I found my way there and posted. The only difference is that while you were calling me hostile, judgmental, and disrepectful, I was explaining a separate perspective. So, to be clear: you (that's the plural you) were name calling and I (and others) attempted to provide a dissenting (in your opinion) viewpoint.

    Consider yourself invited indeed!

  2. First off, to clear up a point of confusion, I am not from the Dr. Coleman's forum, I have been following this drama on your blog, which I found through Upsi' blog. As I stated over there, I am not an EP, I am a DoNM.

    It is was my opinion and continues to be my opinion that a line was crossed. I have seen and read meltdowns over the exact same issue when blogs written by children of NM or NF have had invalidating comments left on them. As I stated over there, the parents that deserve it will never acknowledge it was their fault. And the parents who do not deserve it, need a place they can feel safe in.

  3. Cindi, thank you for sharing your opinion on my blog.

  4. LSV - Okay - the "clueless masses thing" - if you re-read the entire sentence, you will see I was being sarcastic. Go ahead, I'll wait... See, sarcasm. I have already explained that I am not an EP in my previous response to this thread, so I won't re-address that.

    You stated that ," The only difference is that while you were calling me hostile, judgmental, and disrepectful, I was explaining a separate perspective".

    Here is what I posted on that forum:

    LSV, Jonsi and Upsi:
    I have to comment here that I think you guys are out-of-line here on this forum. Before you ignore me, let me state that I am a DoNM and so I understand what its like to deal with a narcissist mother and I am a parent myself that worked to have a healthy relationship with my kids. The parents here may or may not deserve the estrangement they are going through. Some EC may have valid reasons as many of us do that have gone No Contact with our parents. Other parents may have children with Personality Disorders and are victims of that issue just as we are victims of NPD with our parents.
    All three of you have blogs that allow you to vent regarding your personal situations. And if I recall, Upsi, you were not at all pleased when trolls invaded your space trying to convince you that you were wrong to feel what you were feeling and a that you were a bad daughter. The parents here that deserve the enstrangement are never going to see the errors of their ways. However, the parents that are truly victims deserve a place they can come and not be harrassed.

    My two cents.

    No where do I see that I called you hostile, judgmental or disrespectful. I do not see name-calling either. What I do see is a dissenting opinion, to use your words. I stand by that opinion and re-iterate the suggestion the debate continue on your blogs. You and Jonsi both see to have a strong desire to learn about and educate others on the issue of estrangement.

    Jonsi - you are more than welcome :)

  5. Cindi,

    I can see that you do not consider yourself to be one of "their crowd" so I stand corrected on that point. I don't consider myself one of them either, even though I commented on the Dr. Coleman forum. (That's probably obvious, but I figured I might as well just be as clear as possible).

    Having said that, my blog is open to whomever wants to read or comment, including people who also write on Dr. Coleman's website. While I will not remove myself (or potentially even my presence) from that particular website, I do respect your opinion. We all have a right to differing opinions and I truly do welcome them on my blog. I may disagree. I may post about it. I may not. But I accept that my blog is open to anyone finding it (including the Narcissistic individuals in our life).

    I find it humorous that the people who post on Dr. Coleman's very public forum consider it to be a "safe" place. If, by safe, they mean "a place where only estranged parents who didn't deserve their estrangements can go and commiserate together" then I believe they've picked the wrong place. If they really want a safe place, they can start their own blogs. To take it a step further, they can start their own private blogs, open by invitation only. And if they REALLY want "safe" then they should probably just stay off the internet entirely.

    Again, I thank you for your opinion. It has given me lots to think about.

  6. Probably the only "safe" place to resolve these things is by meeting face-to-face in a therapeutic setting. We're not likely to find an unbiased, professional third party on an internet forum or blog. Even Coleman is obviously all about pursuing his own agenda.

    Sadly, the dynamic in most estranged families prevents the pursuit of group therapy.

  7. i wrote a whole long sort of semi-rant reaction to this but wavered on posting it. now it feels a little passed. i think you already know how i feel about cindi, coleman (which has become a dirty word), and that forum. but maybe i'll say it again.
    that place is a dictatorship, i would know, i read animal farm in the ninth grade. cindi isn't a victim's rights crusader, she's the exact opposite, my friend, (the thing i especially hated was the part about children with PDs. most kids don't just have PDs, its the parents' dang fault and screw the parents who label their kids with PDs anyways. what cindi says has little legitimacy. she is talking out of her ass with her lame 'i'm a donm! i don't know why you're being so meaaan to me!" i don't trust her one sec.) and screw her and her absurdass attempt at 'punishing' you on your own blog made me very angry, (back off of jonsi! i doubt she cares) her argument was full of stupid nonsensical contradictions, meaning she really had no right to say 'oh we should bring this over here!' considering that forum is about as bullshit trolly and public as it can get with it's uglyass nonsensical format and the stupidass sesame street logo at the top. and coleman is a son of a bitch and his books are a pile of shit and everybody's all 'hail hitler' over there. okay.
    i mean seriously, we are being a little light on coleman and all he represents here. what he is heading and selling is a very very very bad thing, if you think about it. extremely twisted. the site itself looks stupid. this is a campaign in our midsts.