Dear Readers, after leaving the following comment on Doreen and Helen Marie's post over at the Coleman forum, the dishonorable doctor promptly deleted it (along with Lisa's poignant message) and sent me a private email. This was the comment that I posted:
I support Lisa, one hundred percent.
Helen Marie, it is so obvious that YOU are more important to you than anyone else, including the children you gave birth to who did not choose to be born. Your children were not born to protect you, to be your friends, to save you from your abusers.
It's appalling to see that a mere eight months after an estrangement from your daughter, you've miraculously been able to find happiness.
Really? Your daughter was molested at the age of SIX. Clearly, you have NO IDEA what that does, emotionally, mentally, or physically to a child. It is the single most heinous crime on the face of this earth to do that to a child.
But guess what...you come in a close second. YOU should have protected her, by any means necessary. YOU should have been her biggest advocate and YOU STILL SHOULD BE. To hear you talk about your daughter's molestation as though it is just some boring fact about her past, to be using it as a reason for why she should be on your side, to be putting it on this forum at all, speaks to the fact that you are a sociopath.
Believe me, Helen Marie, people may be fooled by you. You may be so charming and so surrounded by foolish and superficial people that you think you've got everyone tricked.
You don't. There are plenty of people out there who know exactly what you are. I'm betting your daughter does. Lisa does. I do.
I know what you are.
I would like to share with you Mr. Coleman's email to me, Dear Readers:
From: Dr. Coleman
Subject: Can we talk?
Date: August 27, 2011 @ 10:31 AM
I don't like deleting posts. And I can tell that you're a bright person with a lot to say. And I'm sure you're right that some of the parents who post are in denial or aren't taking responsibility. If you read my book, you'll see that my whole perspective is based around encouraging parents to take responsibility, self-examine, and find the truth in their child's complaints and act of estrangement. But, I don't think you're going to persuade anyone this way and you're having this conversation with people who you don't know and who don't know you. So, even if you're right, you're probably not going to persuade them, and if you're wrong, you've just hurt someone you don't know.
If you were posting on my site, complaining about your estranged parent, and parents started attacking you I would delete their posts just as quickly
Happy to have a conversation by phone if that would be easier. If so, let me know some good days and times.
I didn't even get into calling him out on his shameless plug for his book in my response, which I'll gladly share with you as well:
To: Dr. Coleman
Subject: Can we talk?
Sent: August 27, 2011 @ 12:54 PM
You are lying. I call your bluff. When the estranged adult child, Michael, posted on your site about his estranged parents in the thread you most recently deleted ("Many parents won't admit that they are responsible for the estrangement") there was at least one commenter who verbally attacked him. She wrote this, "This site isn't for you or your parents. It's for good, conscientious parents who have raised their children well and been physically and emotionally abused by their children. I am not going to type the whole story, but I had worse parents than yours and I don't blame myself for their actions, but I do take responsibility for my own behavior and choices. You're 35 and still blaming your actions on your parents. Stop blaming others for your bad choices and behavior. I'm disappointed in this forum for even including your immature, irresponsible post, the ramblings of a self-pitying, self-absorbed, inebriated adult." You did not delete it.
So, when you tell me that you would "delete their posts" if parents "started attacking me" you are not telling the truth. Where were you when Michael was being attacked? Why weren't you following the rules then that you claim are in place to protect ALL the members of your forum? This is a rhetorical question that I don't expect an answer to. Your actions have been quite clear to me where your allegiance lies, and it is not with the people who deserve it most.
I am absolutely appalled that you can show support for a woman who shows no consideration or empathy for her son, who committed suicide as a result of the abuses he suffered, and her daughter, who was molested at the age of six. How can you, being a person with a conscience, and a student of the psychological sciences, defend a person of that nature? A therapist who was really interested in helping these people would not be defending them, would not be allowing them to post on his forum about their abuses, would not be supporting their self-interest and manipulative behaviors. He would tell them to seek help for their very serious and dangerous mental and emotional disorders.
If you are using people like Doreen, Helen Marie, and Disappointed Mom as a means to broadcast your services, then you are doing nothing but manipulate the system, just as they have. Honestly, I don't know how you sleep at night.
I have read your book. In it, you make some very good points. But unfortunately, just like some of the most manipulative people I have ever known in my life, it seems you've discovered that choosing your words carefully and painting a pretty picture will bring you success. Unfortunately, I think you have manipulated a lot of people and are doing nothing but teaching them how to do the same. I have been following the posts on your forum, I have read "When the Ties that Bind Unravel" and the thousands of accompanying comments, I have read your book. And from those things, I can see that you are essentially just aiding and abetting hundreds or potentially thousands of people in manipulating their children.
I know, on a personal level, one such person who has attempted to use YOUR WORDS as a further manipulation on me and my family. I want you to know that it's disgusting. You are helping a very select group of people who do NOT deserve or even require your help. They are using you just as you are using them.
I am not trying to convince anyone on your forum that they are wrong. I post there to speak my truths. I even followed the rules by showing my support for one of the posters there. I said, "I support Lisa one hundred percent." In the nature of being supportive, I then shared my truths. I find it interesting that you accept some truths, but not others. I find it interesting that you insinuate that I shouldn't get to have a say with "people I don't know and who don't know me" and yet you allow hundreds of estranged parents to speak to one another, when they don't know each other either.
The games you are playing are very dangerous Mr. Coleman, for you are merely helping a lot of people get away with very heinous acts of emotional terrorism on people who do not deserve it.
I have no interest in speaking with you on the phone, though I honestly do appreciate you taking the time to email me to share your thoughts.