DH received an email this morning from a non-friend of his. But before we can delve into the wacky world of Flying Monkeys, I think a bit of background story is in order. I shall call DH's non-friend Double Agent (DA).
Sadly, DA was a friend who grew up with DH. There are many pictures of the two of them through out the years: Photos of a grinning DA with his arm around DH as they sat on the bench at a little league game. Photos of DA and DH at a blackboard in high school. Photos of DH as the best man at DA's wedding. But no amount of photos could ever give an accurate depiction of what that relationship failed to become: A true, everlasting friendship.
If you want a taste, Dear Reader, of who Double Agent is, then look no further. This self-proclaimed theologian believes:
1. You are condemned to hell: Not glorifying God in the drive through isn't what condemns someone. It's the life-attitude which inspires one to not live for God's glory which does that.
-DA via Quora.com on Mar 26, 2011
2. That as long as your supposed intentions are good, it doesn't matter how you act: Sin has less to do with the action itself than with the intentions of the heart.
-DA via Quora.com on Mar 26, 2011
3. That no matter how AWFUL our "parents" are to us, we still owe them: An infinitely holy God is merciful to let us live one breath beyond our having affronted his character. The fact that we are allowed 80 years is grace upon grace.
-DA via Quora.com on Mar 2, 2011
4. That it would be better for everyone if your babies died: The death of infants - In the long haul, this is actually a mercy. Since the Bible is pretty clear that children aren't capable of making fully moral decisions they aren't held responsible for them...This means that those children killed in the flood are not being eternally judged.
-DA via Quora.com on Mar 3, 2011
5. That YOU are more evil for not believing in his god, than the person who is capable of murder. Moreover, if murder is not the highest standard for an evil deed, people who merely treat others poorly is not important: The magnitude of evil - The magnitude of evil is determined by the object of its effect. For example: Kill a stalk of corn - you are called a farmer and everybody likes you. Kill a deer - you are called a hunter and, while PETA dislikes you for it, society is generally ambivalent. Kill a man - you are called a murderer and you are executed. What, then, is the penalty for sinning against the ultimate standard of goodness?
-DA via Quora.com on Mar 3, 2011
6. That atheists are more evil than any religious person (I guess he doesn't consider all those rapist pedophile putrid Catholic priests evil): I'll simply point you to the example of famous atheists like Stalin who are responsible for more evil than any religious person.
-DA via Quora.com on Feb 9, 2011
7. That we should all be excited to die:
-Commenter: All I can say is that if there is a God, and he is anything like the being you seem to believe him to be, then he is one evil SOB.
-DA : Except that he took the punishment on himself for all who would trust him.
-Commenter: I'm sure that made all the drowned babies feel much better about it.
-DA: Those babies are extremely satisfied with how things went as they are now fellowshipping directly with God himself... I can't wait for that day. The apostle Paul said: "For me to live is Christ, to die is gain... I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far." (Phil 1:21-23)
-DA via Quora.com on February 9, 2011
In truth, Dear Reader, DA is a fanatic who ENJOYS being called a fanatic. On the same website where he posted the above statements, someone commented: "Wow. You're a true fanatic DA, I'll grant you that." To that, DA responded, "Fanaticism" is required by Jesus - Christianity is a religion of complete surrender. (Matt 16:24)
DA, that wasn't a compliment.
Some further insight into Double Agent's character:
1. He was secretly invited to and chose to attend NMIL's Christmas parties in 2009 and 2010, even though he knew both times that DH was not going to be attending.
2. A few weeks prior to our wedding, in which DA was the best man, NMIL emailed him. We do not know what the emails consisted of, but it was made clear by both DA and his wife that they were communications "out of desperation" from DH's NM. This phrase begs the question, out of desperation for what?
3. DH had to ask DA to stop calling his masculinity into question. I witnessed DA insinuate that my husband was gay on a number of occasions. I have a problem with this for several reasons: One, homosexuality is neither a sin nor is it evil. Two, using it as a slur in order to emasculate my husband when he doesn't want to live his life the way someone else would pisses me right the fuck off. And three, it is my feeling that DA's extreme homophobic nature may very well be a sign that he has internalized some inclination towards the same sex and he is AFRAID of that.
4. DA did not like me when DH and I first started dating and made no secret of that to DH. It has been obvious to me, from the beginning, that he felt I should have been honored once he "accepted" me. I was never honored. The feelings of dislike were mutual.
As a Flying Monkey, DA won't be providing NMIL with very much information. He won't be able to because DH already Sees the strategy, and with me by his side, ain't no one gonna fuck with us.
These were the comments I made on DH's post:
It is absolutely inappropriate for this so-called friend to be acting as the go-between here. He should be passing along no messages either from you OR about you to your NM. As you pointed out, he should not be communicating with her, period, not even to be "cordial."
At the very least, we know that she is still trying to get to you through EVERY connection she still has (however few and far between they are now). Let her. When she sees that you won't bite, she'll abandon those methods because they aren't working.
Be aware. If you don't respond to this "friend," or don't respond the way he expects you to, it will further his cause to be on your NM's side. Though he was already on her side, choosing not to respond to their tactics will just cement his position there.
That is not your fault. Your "friend" has made his choice. It is clear that he continues to side with your NM, and that he feels it is somehow his DUTY to HER to inform her about you, your life, and your FOC.
As Mulderfan says, "fuck 'em."
As for sending the message ["It is apparent that we have nothing to discuss."] to him, I personally think your silence will send an even clearer message. In other words, let the point that there is nothing to discuss stand on it's own STRONG legs...by not discussing it.
This jerk can't even see that he is being USED. Your NM contacted him to ask about you. She did NOT contact him because she is interested in his life, well-being, or welfare. She's USING him as a means to get to you.
Remember that this was the person you once believed to be intelligent.
Another point: I read your letters to him. You asked that he not communicate with your NM on ANY LEVEL. He clearly threw that away by saying that you told him not to have any "real" conversations with her.
That is not what you said. I read what you had to say. He, apparently, did not.
And finally: She's getting antsy now. Her tactics are showing.