Monday, July 4, 2011

This Shark, Swallow You Whole

I had a dream a couple months ago, about DH and I being in a plane crash and being the sole survivors in the middle of the ocean. It was night time and the waves were chopping at us angrily from all sides. All we could do was try to keep our heads above the water and hold on to each other and hope that we would survive somehow. And then, all of a sudden, I knew that there was a shark underneath us. I couldn't really see it but I knew it was there and I knew it was a great white. Every once in a while, I'd catch a glimpse of it beneath the waves, a glimmer of gray or a flash of white beneath the water as it swam by. I HATE sharks. They are cold-blooded, literally and figuratively. They have those disgusting jagged rows of razor sharp teeth. They kill their own young and have no parental instincts. They are not meant to, that is not their nature. In fact, they are natural born killers. In the womb, shark babies will eat their smaller brethren. Once born, they are never nurtured or protected by their mothers. Instead, they instantly become the predators they are meant to be, circling the waters searching for a meal. They are fast and dangerous and sneaky.

In the dream, the shark was just circling underneath us in the water, playing with us. Every few moments, I could feel it's rubbery skin rubbing up against my leg or my foot. It never really attacked us, but the threat was there - and if it attacked, we knew we'd be dead in seconds. It was terrifying. Oddly enough, I somehow knew that shark was female. When I woke up, I knew that shark was NMIL.

The parallels are not lost on me.

**Title credit: Jaws (1975)


  1. What a terrifying nightmare! Your description of the shark describes the N "mother" to a T. They do NOT protect their young and I will soon post a story about my MNmother to illustrate that point. Excellent analogy. It prompted me to add a line to my post that Ns, like sharks, injure and kill cold-bloodely and keep on moving as if nothing happened. Ns never suffer, only their victims do.

    1. ya ya ya whatever, I love sharks and you just make it sound like they are evil, evil, EVIL! Yes, you can think I'm mean.

    2. Sharks aren't evil. Human beings who are shark-like are.

  2. When you're the only human beings swimming with the sharks without a shark cage expect to be devoured. Your "shark cage" is your awareness of the predatory nature of the sharks-plural intended; there's more than a few floating on the periphery of your lives. Demonstrating the willingness to do what ever is necessary to save your lives.....and I DO MEAN "what ever is necessary" will keep you both safe. Many attempts will continue to be made to separate you and DH: Present the united front that is a natural out-growth of your love, understanding and compassion for one another to keep your love from being undermined or distorted.
    IMO, the more exposure he has to your family, the better. When you grow up in the kind of insanity he grew up in, healthy family role models are not only a reality check, but an acknowledgement that familial love and support are demonstrated "this way." Spouses that grew up with a normal foo become our guide to the Planet Earth.

  3. Lisette - Terrified was exactly how I felt. I've had plenty of shark dreams in my time, usually they represent some terrible danger that I know is lurking around. I have to agree with you - there are so many parallels between sharks and Narcs (hey, that even rhymes!) I'm glad you could use a bit of my thought in your post too. Wicked!

    Anon - Someone I love very much pointed out to me that DH will definitely learn from my FOO. When he's around them, he has expressed his happiness and the love he feels from them and for them. He recognized early in our relationship that my family loves him no matter what, and they love that we love each other. I call myself his "enlightened witness" in all of this. We are continuing our vigil against narcs and manipulators; they are all around us, not just in DH's FOO. We're fighting the good fight together!

  4. I like what Anonymous had to say. I know the changer in my life was nurturing relationships with people that are healthy examples. It was so huge being able to compare the nurturers with narcs.