Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Good Luck with That

DH received an email from Double Agent this morning:

From: Double Agent
To: Dear Husband
Sent: July 20, 2011 @ 9:30 AM
Subject: Re: Re:

Since you haven't gotten back to me I simply sent your mom a short message saying that you asked me not to contact her, that I was going to respect that wish and that you and your family are all safe and healthy to the best of my knowledge.

Nice try, DA, but we're not biting. We know that you're trying to make it look like you're respecting DH's wishes. We also know that you have failed in your attempt to trick us, as you have succeeded in your show of disrespect.

DH was very clear in what he wanted from you. He said, several times, that any contact you had with NMIL made him uncomfortable. He expressed his opinion that your loyalties, as his friend, and not his mother's, should lie with him. He asked you, point blank, to stop communicating with his mother.

It shows disloyalty to my husband to explain to NMIL that DH asked you not to speak with her. It shows disloyalty to my husband to go against his wishes and speak with NMIL about us at all, even to offer her your superficial and unenlightened conjecture about our well-being. It shows disloyalty to my husband to continue communicating with NMIL under the guise of being "respectful" after he has explicitly asked you to stop.

We know where your loyalties lie. We also know that you are too ignorant and pompous to escape the mental and emotional spell that has been caste over you by one very evil woman. We know that you don't care to see that NMIL is using you and has no real interest in your well-being.

So go, have your twice-a-year email exchanges with NMIL and have a blast at her Christmas parties for the next couple years. That is, until she tires of you and realizes you are of no further use to her. It's obvious you care more about offering her your "common decency" than you do holding on to my husband who's friendship you claim is "so important". Good luck with NMIL. Yeah dude, good luck with that.

**Update: Here's what DH has to say about the email from his old-pal. I liked his point about how the conversations they had with each other should have remained between them. DH writes, "[He] expressed to my mother some pieces of a conversation he and I had about her - which I expected to stay between he and I." Right on. DH and I share the same sentiment on precisely why telling NMIL about DH's request that he not contact her was wrong.


  1. I think maybe you guys are being too subtle considering the guy's elevator doesn't reach the top floor. How about, "Shut the fuck up and get out of my life!" I hate when these N-pawns are too stupid to realize they have burned their last bridge.

    I concur that NMIL will dump him when she realizes he's no longer useful to her. But really, who cares?

  2. Mulderfan - I have to agree with you. I think such a statement sounds fantastic. It's too bad they'd just use it as proof that we're the bad guys in all of this. Whatever. I'd rather just let this scumbag have his little relation-shit with NMIL. They deserve each other. And like you said, when she dumps him, we certainly won't care!

  3. This epitomizes what I find most baffling. My first thought is that they are simply trying to see the best in others, but this is where that logic fails: They can't imagine my sweet, generous NM could be the problem, and yet they have absolutely no hesitation in labeling me the problem. What?

    And you're right, that email was a nasty slap of disrespect. What part of "do not contact" did DA not understand?

    As a side note, I did have a friend who remained friends with my BPB, because they'd never had a problem with him. I accepted that, but they also didn't play messenger or talk about him around me. They understood my choice, and didn't begrudge me my decision.

  4. I stopped a relationship with a person that is also friends with my NM. I knew that my feelings were becoming apparent and had no wish to strain their friendship. They were friends first. Now this is changed in your situation. DA was friends with LSV first then came under the spell of LSV's mother. I have actually heard some people defend my mother as how wonderful she is. DA sees how wonderful LSV's mother because as a pawn he continues to be helpful. DA also used the move that I hear many times, "I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you." No friend would do the things DA is doing. Silence can be eloquent when used long enough.