Last night, DH emailed R and OG1 regarding the invitation he received in the mail. This is what he had to say:
Wed, May 18, 2011
To: R & OG1
R & OG1,
I received your invitation to the wedding.
I saw that it was addressed only to me and not to my wife.
OG1, for someone purporting to follow common standards of decency, this is the rudest way to proceed.
R, I'm very disappointed and hurt by this.
I am insulted and offended and I will not allow me or my wife to be treated in such a way.
Jonsi was not included in the invite, I will not be attending the wedding.
For all those people out there who think I am controlling DH or that I'm pulling some invisible puppet strings, I did not write this. I read it. I offered my insight into how I thought it would be perceived. I asked if DH could make each sentence a separate line, for emphasis. But, the words and feelings expressed were his own. More importantly, the ideas behind the words originated in DH’s own mind and heart. This is not to say that I think there is anything wrong with borrowing the words of a loved one, or a dear friend, when a person is struggling with finding the right things to say in a tense moment. This particular time, DH used his own feelings and thoughts (and just a touch of Upsi) to say what he wanted to say.
What's most important to me is that in all of our talk of “what it means to defend” recently, DH is finally starting to piece together the puzzle. He knew that writing this email to his supposed “friends” would mean he’d have to take the hit. He knew that OG1, in particular, would see it as a criticism, when in reality, he was merely defending himself from her attack. He was also well aware that OG1 would turn on her full-fledged ugliness the moment he hit “send.” When he pulled the invitation out of the mailbox a few days ago and saw that it was only addressed to him, it was clear he wasn’t going to be attending the wedding of “friends” who were choosing to react so immaturely and disproportionally to the crimes committed against them. And it was also clear that he had to take a stand - to defend not only himself, but his wife. It was obvious that OG1 was the driving force behind the drama, that her rudeness was intentional, and that she was aiming to do a lot of damage.
I find it humorous that so many people are saying that I am controlling, that I am pulling strings, that I am manipulating DH to do things he doesn’t want to do. All those Flying Monkeys out there think that I am the driving force behind his most recent changes. These accusations are funny to me, because in the court of law, I would plead “not guilty” to the charges. And, so long as my jury was not made up of The Wicked Witch’s Advisors and Advisees, I know I would be found innocent. OG1, on the other hand? Well, to find out how controlling and nasty she is, let’s take a look at her response:
Wed, May 18, 2011
CC: R & Jonsi
I am sorry that you feel so hurt by this. Please do not blame this on R or take it out on him; it was a decision i made, and he does not deserve to be hurt by it. The decision was made because of your wife's negative feelings towards our save the date, as well as many of the hurtful and derogatory comments made towards me and about me in the time that followed. I didn't particularly feel that i was obligated to invite someone to my wedding who clearly did not wish me the best on a very special day. It was also made to avoid the issue of photography that was sure to arise if Jonsi were to attend. Honestly, I can't understand why you would be upset about this as it was done to protect Jonsi’s privacy, since there will surely be videos and pictures being taken at the wedding. We wanted to protect her privacy, and judging by her blog entries from the save the date, it didn't seem that she would be interested in attending. Also, R did inform you approximately 8 months ago that she would not be invited, so this should come as no surprise.
I am sorry that you will not be attending, however, i cannot say i am surprised. But if you truly care about R, you will understand that he had nothing to do with this and you won't hold a grudge against him.
I love R, very much, and the last thing i ever want in this entire world is to hurt him. If you feel the same, you will act accordingly. Don't contact me again if you wish to insult me.
Alright, Dear Reader, here we go. I'm going to do a line-by-line analysis here, since DH and I have chosen not to respond to her filth and taking it apart on my own gives me the greatest satisfaction I can get without sending a response directly to her.
I am sorry that you feel so hurt by this. Ah! Let the flit shinging, commence. What a lame non-apology. We know, right off the bat, that OG1 is not sorry. A real apology looks like this: "I'm sorry that I did not include your wife in the invitation to our wedding. I am sorry that I have hurt you. I am sorry that I was rude to Jonsi." With just the first line, we know exactly where her message came from, and it certainly wasn't coming from her mouth. If she were telling the truth, her first line would have sounded more like this: "Ha! Ha! Hahahahaha! I hurt you! I hurt your feelings! Too bad! Too bad for you, poopy head! I hurt your feelings!" Yes. It would sound that immature.
Please do not blame this on R or take it out on him; it was a decision i made, and he does not deserve to be hurt by it. You know, the fact that she comes right out and uses the word "blame" makes me feel that she was well aware that her insulting invitation would be taken as such. She knew, the whole time she was planning to leave me out of the invitation, that DH might do exactly that: blame his friend. I would go so far as to say, she was hoping he would, Dear Reader. Yes, that's right. OG1 is so conniving and cruel, that it was actually her intention to inflict as much pain as possible, on everyone, (her own husband-to-be included) in order to extract her revenge. By implying that DH was unfairly blaming R, and then playing the martyr, she has made it clear who is really pulling strings here. Oh and P.S. Way to show how controlling you really are. How is it possible that R didn't have a say in who he gets to invite to his own wedding?
The decision was made because of your wife's negative feelings towards our save the date, as well as many of the hurtful and derogatory comments made towards me and about me in the time that followed. Dear Reader, if you are an ACoN, or someone who has experienced manipulation on any level, you know that we can talk all day about the idea of "negative feelings." What OG1 is saying here, is that she doesn't like it when people express opinions that differ from her own. The "negative feelings" she is referring to are my opinions that I don't like save-the-date cards because I find them to be ridiculous and unnecessary. She chose to think that my rant of "negative feelings" regarding save-the-dates was written towards theirs, specifically. It wasn't. But even if it was, I am still entitled to those thoughts and feelings. As to the "hurtful and derogatory comments" made "towards" her and "about" her? Your guess is as good as mine, Dear Reader. I'm thinking OG1 has been sipping a little bit of loony juice. She's either extremely paranoid, or else flat-out lying in an attempt to get her way. No further blog posts were written by me in regards to her wedding. No words were spoken about her or R outside of the safety of our own home. No gossip was spread, no lies were told. The last time DH spoke with OG1 was during her g-chat rant several months ago. So she clearly pulled that accusation out of her ass.
I didn't particularly feel that i was obligated to invite someone to my wedding who clearly did not wish me the best on a very special day. Remember, Dear Reader, that this is someone who has claimed, on numerous occasions, to care about my husband. She is also someone who claims to care about her husband-to-be. But really, what kind of a person purposely excludes the wife of her husband's best friend from their wedding invitation just because that person isn't particularly excited about her "special day?" And remember, OG1 is the person who, at our wedding, saw fit to insert HER opinions about what DH should be doing: "You should dance with your mother. You should go over and ask her to dance. You're going to want that memory later. But you know, it's your wedding, you can do whatever you want. I'm just saying." So, in other words, she can insert her opinions about other people's special day, but other people can't return the favor. You want to talk about obligations, OG1? I would have excluded the majority of DH's FOO from our wedding if it were up to me. But it wasn't up to me. We were obligated to invite them to OUR wedding, because my husband-to-be wanted them there. It didn't matter that I didn't like them, or that they were not happy for us. It did not matter that his FOO did not wish me well on my "special day." They were invited because DH wanted them there and what is important to him is important to me. So, you may not have "felt" obligated to invite me. That does not mean that the obligation wasn't there.
It was also made to avoid the issue of photography that was sure to arise if Jonsi were to attend. Honestly, I can't understand why you would be upset about this as it was done to protect Jonsi’s privacy, since there will surely be videos and pictures being taken at the wedding. We wanted to protect her privacy... This string of nonsense is particularly fun for me. OG1 is, of course, referring to the issue I had with her posting personal and revealing information about me and my family on the internet. The fact that she claims, after explaining that she made the decision not to invite me because she disagrees with my opinions, to have done it to protect my privacy is absolutely hysterical. Can we say, talking out of both sides of her mouth? I mean really, what a crock! OG1 must think we are really stupid. Again, here's what it would look like if she were being honest: "I know that I totally just gave away why I chose to be so rude to you and your wife. But now, I'm going to pretend that I did it because I'm so thoughtful and considerate. I totally insulted you just now for your own good. Yeah. I get to do that to people. 'Cause I'm so entitled. I get to insult people and then tell them it was for their own good." I know my ACoN friends are probably thinking, "Oh, Dear God, please don't let this asshole have children."
And how about this: If she really wanted to protect my privacy, she simply wouldn't post any information or photos of me and my family without our knowledge or consent. Just because she owns the photos, doesn't mean she can claim rights to the people in them. Oh! And one more thing: It makes OG1 look like an imbecile to try and play the martyr by pretending to take the blame, and then totally throwing her beloved husband-to-be under the bus. Hint: When she says, "I" and then suddenly switches to "we" when describing who was making the decisions, the recipients of her message can totally See what she is up to.
...judging by her blog entries from the save the date, it didn't seem that she would be interested in attending. Correct. I wasn't interested. But I would have gone for DH if he wanted to go.
Also, R did inform you approximately 8 months ago that she would not be invited, so this should come as no surprise. My first thought: OG1's fakey fakey email to us, in which she thanked us for the Christmas card we sent, was a test. I believe she wanted to see how we would respond to her superficiality. I'm not convinced that responding in kind would have changed her mind about the invitation deboggle, I just think it was her way of showing that she could be the "bigger person." And when we didn't respond, it probably pissed her off even more, strengthening her resolve to effectively end the relationship between her husband-to-be and his best friend. Holy petty popsicles, Batman! My second thought: Holy hell, she's been holding onto this for a long time. Eight months of grudge-holding is a long time. It must have felt so good to her to finally set her diabolical master plan a'rolling. All along, she was playing the caring college friend, using a Christmas greeting card as a means to try and manipulate the situation for her benefit and secretly planning her shit storm. In DH's words, "What a fruitcake!" We both chose not to respond to her email over the holidays because it felt so disingenuous. Apparently, we were right to feel that way.
I am sorry that you will not be attending. No, she's not.
But if you truly care about R, you will understand that he had nothing to do with this and you won't hold a grudge against him. Translation: I want you to know that R is a push-over, that he sanctioned this, and that if you want a friendship with him, you've got to go through me. The truth is that I don't really care about R and I'm going to project that lack of depth and feeling onto you. I'm also going to blame you for being the one to hold grudges, when it's really me doing that. PS. Shame shame shame. Blame blame blame.
I love R, very much, and the last thing i ever want in this entire world is to hurt him. OG1 your words and actions have been everything BUT loving. You are selfish, conniving, cruel, and manipulative. You have certainly attempted to hurt my husband, and made attempts to insult me. I don't believe that you are capable of the depth and emotion required to feel for others. You lack empathy. You are crass and rude. That's right. I'm going there. I'm having the "who you are" conversation, rather than the "what you did" one. I can See right through you, OG1. You're nothing but a nasty, controlling Narcissist, flinging your shit at everyone who gets in your way. And you ended your message on such an ironic and shit-lined note: with the claims that it's really my DH who is incapable of love, and that he's the one who has been doing all the insulting. Little girl, that isn't even close to the truth.