Okay my dear friends and fellow bloggers. I have been holding on to the following piece of writing for quite some time now, waiting for the perfect occasion to use it. A friend and I wrote this in college one day, in a class that did little to keep our minds fully occupied and engaged. We thought it was funny. I still think it's funny. So, without further ado, I give you my AWE-INSPIRING INSULT! (I think you all know who I am aiming this one at):
Your attention in this matter would be much appreciated, but unfortunately, your lack of basic comprehension is, in itself, the issue. You are a moron! A dimwitted shadow of a person who showcases such inferiority in stock that it would be remiss of me to not label you a shameful and chavish bastard. Do not tread upon me lightly, my friend, for a woman like yourself should be confined to a locked closet, where your senseless meddling in worldly matters would not be such an issue. Furthermore, your presence has been regarded as an irritation and thus, it is my responsibility to notify you of my distaste for your character. Ignorance and absence of wit would be far too generous in providing other persons with a record of your behavior. So I shall proceed to give a more reasonable and accurate account: You are a dullard! And a harlot of spoken word! I deprive myself of life and energy when I attempt to interpret your moronic and asinine communications. These lack intellect and propriety and I would much rather converse with a circus clown! You have insulted my honor and I intend to make you pay for your grave insult!
I am not, of course, going to send this. I just thought it was very appropriate, given the circumstances. And really, really funny.