Monday, April 25, 2011

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

My dear friend and fellow Truth-warrior, Upsi, has a special name for the mindless followers who get sent out in swarms to do the dirty deeds of NP. She calls them Flying Monkeys**, in reference, of course to The Wizard of Oz. I find that phrase to be stunningly on-point.  The Flying Monkeys get sent from the Wicked Witch, to attack, maim, and frighten her victims. They get maneuvered in such a way, that they believe they are acting of their own accord. The Flying Monkeys protect their Master, at all costs and flow out into the world ready to do her bidding, no matter how heinous.  They are rather pitiful, dreadful creatures on their own, who most likely, could not survive without direction from a more powerful source. Enter, Exhibit A.

The following is a prime example of the work of one Flying Monkey. I stumbled across a blog several months ago, that was very obviously written by one childhood "friend" of DH. This person also attended the Unbirthday Party and the following day, sat down at her computer to tell the world what she thought of DH's newest life choices. Would you care for a taste, Dear Reader? One Flying Monkey, coming right up:

June XX, 2009 

I need to vent. I HATE YOUR GIRLFRIEND. SHE'S NASTY AND ANNOYING. AND CONTROLLING. AND NOT ATTRACTIVE. I can't believe you would get yourself into this. You've been dating four months, and she's four months pregnant. If [sic] the baby even yours? I know you're not reading this, but I just needed to vent. Your family and friends don't like her. You're not yourself when you're around her. Now you've changed your number, got [sic] rid of texting and facebook, so it's hard to contact you. I'm afraid if I e-mail you, she'll read it. We all want you to be happy, but you don't seem like you are with her. You and your sister were so close, and now it seems she doesn't want to see you, because she knows that you'll be with your girlfriend. I think the only reason you're with her is because you felt like you were getting too old, and wanted to get married. You found the wrong girl. I know that no matter what happens with her, you'll be a great father, I have no doubt about that. But you should sit back, and look at everything; think everything through before rushing into it all. You'll have a baby in November. I hope you can see where I'm coming from. Love you.

Let's take this one apart, shall we? I find "hate" to be such an interesting word choice for Exhibit A to use, particularly when I also found the phrase - "i don’t believe in hate" on another of her personal blogs. I have learned that usually, when people feel hatred towards another human being, it is because there is some investment in that relationship, or else some powerful underlying fear and insecurities are present. In this case, I believe that Exhibit A expressed her hatred of me because she feared the loss of the relationship she had with DH that she, perhaps, placed more significance on than was appropriate or realistic. She deluded herself into thinking that she was important enough in DH's life to warrant her continued presence in it. Her hatred stems from some debilitating insecurities that cause her to live life in the shallow end of the swimming pool. Attacking my physical appearance is primo evidence of her poor actually reflects quite deeply on her feelings about her Self, more than how she feels about me. Only insecure and shallow people use their target's external appearance as a legitimate reason for their own negative feelings.

Exhibit A uses some very unambiguous words to describe her other reasons for hating me: nasty, annoying, and controlling. It could very well be that her initial perception, after seeing me for the first time at the Unbirthday Party, was that I was annoying. I accept that some people in the world see me that way, and that they have a right to feel annoyed by my actions and behaviors. However, I would have less of a problem with these word choices, if I honestly believed she was the ultimate source of them. It is very unlikely that she came to the conclusion that I am "nasty" or "controlling" based solely on her extremely limited exposure to me. More than likely, she was privy to distorted information that not only led her to believe these "tags" to be accurate, but also that she had come up with them all on her own.

She says, "I can't believe you would get yourself into this." And just that quickly, it becomes apparent exactly what kind of distortions and spin DH and I were up against. She expresses her disgust with DH for her interpretation of the situation that he had "gotten himself" into. Her interpretation is this, as is made poignantly clear: DH was tricked by me, a cold-hearted, ugly bitch, into having a relationship with him. Either she thinks I am much more powerful than I am, or else she believes that DH is just a limp noodle. DH did not share much information about our pregnancy, or our lives, with any of NMIL's Flying Monkeys, nor did I. This means that most of the information being spread around to "hangers-on" such as Exhibit A, came from NMIL. NMIL, in turn, took whatever information she gleaned from us and made her distorted versions of reality be known to all. Her Flying Monkeys, being pitiful and powerless on their own, soaked up her gossip and attention, feeling proud to be a part of her inner circle. It is obvious, therefore, that Exhibit A got wind of my "nasty" and "controlling" nature well before she ever met me and made up her mind to let NMIL make up her mind for her.

She says, "Your family and friends don't like her." There it is. She proves my last point for me. If we want to know what kind of picture DH's "family" and "friends" were painting of me, we need look no further. Exhibit A makes a connection, just as NMIL wanted her to, that no one liked his girlfriend because she made him change. Again, this places a lot of power on the shoulders of one woman (me) while simultaneously emasculating DH, whom she later claims to "love." She says he is no longer "himself" and uses the facts that he got rid of Facebook and texting as evidence that he is a lesser person than he was before he met his girlfriend. She cites his extraction from the superficial world of social networking as an obvious proof that he is bad. She says she has difficulty contacting him since he ended those modes of communication, and expresses her desire to have private conversations with him, that she feels his significant other should not be privy to. But, here's the Truth: DH can have any conversations with any individual he so chooses. That has always been the case. I have never forced him to share information with me, or stop speaking with his friends or family. That is a game his NM plays, not me. DH has shared conversations with me on his own accord because we respect each other enough that there are no secrets between us.

Then, Exhibit A pulls out the old "I'm only saying this because I care about you" card. And to that end, I say, "You couldn't come up with anything more compelling to explain your motives?" Anyone who has lived in the Narco's world, for even a little while, knows that phrase well because it is the biggest line of bullshit ever and it's a personal favorite of all Narcs. Exhibit A couldn't come up with anything better because she lacked the originality to do so, and had to borrow the idea from her Master. That phrase was just a trickle-down from the Wicked Witch, and Exhibit A licked it up like frosting off a cupcake. Anyone who refused to See or accept DH's happiness was either drinking NM's Kool-Aide or else was lying about having his "best interests" at heart. DH made it abundantly clear what his best interests have been - the Flying Monkeys just weren't listening.

Next, Exhibit A unveils perhaps NMIL's greatest weapon - The Sister. She says, "You and your sister were so close, and now it seems she doesn't want to see you, because she knows that you'll be with your girlfriend." The "closeness" she describes, is, unfortunately, another distortion, and not one that DH himself can't take some blame for. DH was raised to believe that the unhealthy relationship he had with his sister was a deep, meaningful, and healthy one. But, like every other relationship he participated in, NMIL had her hand in that one too. She inserted herself, as early as possible, between them, so that any connection they had to each other had to be maintained by her. Therefore, when Exhibit A mentions that I ruined DH's "closeness" with his sister, it is a theory founded on distortions and unmaintained facts. DH was never actually "close" with his sister to begin with, and therefore no girlfriend of his could legitimately be the source of the relationship's ultimate downfall. Furthermore, Exhibit A helped paint the larger picture that SIL was being used as a pawn by NMIL. NMIL fed SIL with inaccurate and harmful information about me as well as her brother, and then set her out into the world to systematically germinate the seeds of hatred. SIL watered those seeds diligently.

The entire last portion of Exhibit A's diatribe is evidence, again, that she desperately wanted to believe that her thoughts and opinions mattered to DH. By inserting her own theories about what would be "best" for him she indicated a very delusional mindset. It was as though she was hoping DH would "just happen" to find her blog, so that he could see how she honestly felt about his girlfriend. Dear Reader, all the while she was writing these things about DH, she WAS attempting to reach out to him via email - and she never once mentioned any of her "real" conclusions. I believe she was afraid to contact him about her thoughts on the matter, not because she feared I would read them, as she stated, but because she instinctively knew that her accusations and judgments were not based in reality.

Title Credit - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, by AC/DC
**Note - Upsi has informed me that the term "Flying Monkey" is not of her own creation. I apologize to Upsi and Bonnie for my mistake.


  1. I must say I did not make this term "flying monkeys" up - I inherited it from the many folks who shared it with me - Bonnie I think! Just had to mention!

  2. Oh! My apologies then, I will have to change the post to read more accurately. I had seen it so many times on your blog, I thought you had come up with it yourself! I should have asked before I posted, I'm sorry Upsi.

  3. I can't help thinking that a 'friend' who really did genuinely care about DH's best interests would word her concerns much more respectfully and caringly than this.

    It comes across as rude, insulting and patronizing. In fact, it is "NASTY AND ANNOYING. AND CONTROLLING."! Her word patterns are those of an arrogant, judgmental, accusing superior (like a nasty parent!), instead of a caring peer or friend.


  4. @Quartz - You are so observant! I think you hit the nail on the head here - she does indeed sound like she is just parroting a nasty parent.

    Again, I feel so validated that you see it too. I'm thinking that there is some projection going on here. This so called "friend" is accusing me of doing what she, herself, is doing.

    Good catch!

  5. Yes, and what kind of so-called 'friend' inflicts nasty parental talk on their friend?! Amazing, isn't it?


  6. It really is amazing that anyone would choose to treat a friend the way she has treated DH. Just goes to show that she was probably never a true friend in the first place. There's no way someone who really loved and cared about him would be saying these types of things.

  7. DH had no idea what friends were to begin with.

  8. Hello!
    I must say it is not my term either, I borrowed it from a support group.

    Lovely email, btw (sarcastically speaking, of course)

  9. Thanks for that information, Bonnie. Well, whoever came up with that phrase definitely deserves credit!

  10. How did you discover this blog? Love of God, HOW?

    1. If I recall correctly, I googled her email handle, which she had used as the website address of her blog. It took seconds to find it.